Leave Out All The Rest
by Darley1101
Summary: A tragic accident tears apart the lives of everyone. Some are drawn closer and rekindle old loves while others are torn apart for good. Warning: minor character death
1. Chapter 1

_Title__: Leave Out All The Rest _

_Author__: Darley1101_

_Rating__: Mature Readers Only_

_Pairing__: Mark/Lexie, Alex/Izzie, Arizona/Callie, Meredith/Derek, Owen/Cristina_

_Premise__: A tragic accident alters everyone's lives forever. Some will find themselves drawing closer to those they love, while others spin out of control. None of them will ever be the same. _

_Warning__: Story contains character death. The death of a child is also included. Deaths will be revealed in the first chapter. The story is based on the aftermath. _

_Author's Note__: The idea for this story came to me when several friends brought up their wills. One had made provisions for her children while the other hadn't. Not entirely uncommon. Most of us don't think about dying young. Yet it happens every day. Children also seem to die on a daily basis. Few parents prepare for this and are left not only emotionally reeling, but financially as well. Death seems to either draw people closer or push them apart. It is a heavy topic to explore but I think you will find this story an interesting one. It is a tale of not only death but love and self discovery. The title comes from the Linkin Park song by the same name. I encourage you to listen to it. It sets the tone of the story. _

_Things To Remember__: I do nothing without reason and I treat stories like a puzzle. Each chapter will be another piece, slowly revealing the big picture. This first chapter only allows for one view point. There are several big facts missing. When those facts are revealed I think they might amaze you. And do not worry about John. He is a friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. This will make more sense after you read this chapter. _

_Side Note__: This story will not take away from Underfoot or There All Along. I will be wrapping up Underfoot shortly and There All Along is a fun, light hearted tale that will be easy to write. This one is a bit draining so updates might take a while to post. I hope you guys will stick it out. Alex/Izzie, Meredith/Derek, and Mark/Lexie fans will not be disappointed. _

Chapter One

_I dreamed I was missing…_

Working triage was simple. The ones that could be stabilized were stabilized, and the ones who were too far gone were made comfortable. No risk of emotional attachment; either with co-workers or patients. Cold, hard medicine. The kind Isobel Stevens should have gone into to begin with. If she had her heart would be whole and she wouldn't have a dead fiance and an ex-husband under her belt. The past was the past and she was trying hard not to live there. What was the point? It wasn't like she could rewrite history by thinking about how she could have handled things differently. Best to leave the past in the past and focus on the future. 99 percent of the time she succeeded. There was that one percent, though, that kept reeling her back in. The dead girl lying on the gurney before her fell into that one percent.

"Why did they have to bring you here," Izzie whispered as she methodically unhooked wires and monitors from Molly Grey Adams limp form. It had taken her twenty minutes to realize the young mother brought in by ambulance looked familiar. Another ten minutes passed before a nurse ran in saying they had a name. Molly Grey Thompson. Meredith and Lexie's younger sister. Recognition had slammed into Izzie like a jackhammer hitting cement; hard and brutal. Even harder was knowing Molly couldn't be stabilized. The old Izzie, the Izzie who let her heart get involved, reared her ugly head and it was with a trembling voice the new Izzie called the time of death. Damn it. The past was suppose to stay in the past, not show up in her E.R. and die!

"Henderson says the husband was D.O.A." The matter of fact words came from a co-worker Izzie knew nothing about. Half the time she couldn't recall the short, stoic faced man's name. Something common like Smith or Jones. Or maybe it was Harris. Who knew. Who cared. Not Izzie. "E.M.T. bring in a purse or a cell we can use to find an emergency contact?"

E.M.T. hadn't brought in shit. Just a busted up Molly Grey Thompson and a ton of anguish. "No," bit out Izzie as she tossed a jumble of used wires into a nearby trashcan. Did she admit to knowing the patient or did she go on to the next one? Million dollar question. In the past she wouldn't have had to even ask it. Two years reconditioning oneself changed a person. In the end she admitted to knowing the sister. Meredith might forgive her for letting Molly die but she sure as hell wouldn't forgive having to wait because Izzie had grown a block of ice where her heart use to be.

Doctor Common Name lingered in the door, his bugged out blue eyes traveling over every inch of the trauma room. "You might want to get a hold of the sister stat. Police called child protective services in to come get the kid."

"Kid," the word echoed past Izzie's lips. A faint memory of Meredith meeting her pregnant younger sister flashed before her eyes. Ah hell. She hadn't just let Meredith's sister died, she had let a mother die. Even worse.

"Four year old girl. Not a scratch on her. Weird huh? Parents are creamed but the kid comes out okay."

Four years old. Old enough to remember. Poor baby. "She's not okay," Izzie hissed as she slammed the chart into the waiting hands of the guy from the morgue. Without waiting for a response she hurried from the room. She felt the sudden urge to take a shower. To wash away the traces of blood that clung to her. First she had to contact Meredith. Having someone else do it was heartless. Better to hear the news from someone who cared. Shit. A cold trickle slipped through Izzie's blood as a little of the ice around her heart started to melt. A tear pricked the corner of her eye as she made her way toward the nurses station. She had told countless people that their loved ones had died but none of them had hurt. This hurt. It caused a soul tearing pain that Izzie never wanted to feel again.

"Dr. Stevens, Dr. Harrison said you know the sister of the car accident…" The words faded in the background as another familiar face came into view. Callie Torres being wheeled pass on a gurney. Unlike Molly she was very much alive and begging someone to tell her where her daughter was. Taking a few halting steps backward Izzie prayed the other face from her past wouldn't see or recognize her. No such luck. Callie's pain filled gaze met her's. There was nothing left to do but ask how old the girl was, what did she look like, what was her name, and promise to find her.

"Should have chosen somewhere other than Tacoma," she muttered as she hurried toward the bay where most of the EMT lingered. It took one try to find the guys that had brought in Callie's little girl. The same guys that had brought in Meredith's brother in law. No point in wasting two ambulances for the dead. Dead. Heart pounding, Izzie pressed her clenched knuckles to her mouth to keep from screaming. The unfairness of it all was starting to sink in. First Meredith's sister, now Callie's daughter. A little girl who had only been allowed to enjoy life for one short year. It seemed cruel. Even crueler was Izzie having to bear the news. It would be a tough pill to swallow regardless, but to hear the news from the woman who had broken up your marriage? It went beyond cruel.

"You are a doctor. You tell people that their loved ones have died on a daily basis. Today is no different." Saying the words didn't help. She could repeat them a thousand times and the weight of it all would still be there. It would still fall on her shoulders to tell a woman she had wronged in the most painful of ways that her child was dead. It would still fall on her shoulders to call up a woman she had once thought of as a sister and tell her that her baby sister and brother in law were dead, leaving her niece an orphan. She could feel the weight start to physically drag her down. Her shoulders sagged. Her chin dropped. Her lips fell into a frown. Almost immediately, she told herself to snap out of it. Awful as things were there was nothing that could be done to change what had occurred. Whether Izzie sucked it up and did her job, or whether she sat on a bench and cried, the dead would still be dead.

Bracing herself with a deep breath, Izzie forced herself to retrace her steps. It wasn't difficult to find Callie. They had moved her from a triage room to a curtained off area reserved for patients who had been stabilized and would be released once it had been established that they would remain stabilized. It wasn't very comforting to know Callie was fine, just a few minor scrapes and what looked to be a broken arm, while her daughter had been killed on impact. Ironic that the opposite had been true for Meredith's sister. "Do you have family coming," Izzie asked cautiously as she inched her way to the foot of the gurney. There was no way in hell she was hell she was telling Callie her daughter was dead if she was alone.

"Arizona and Mark should be here any minute," the other woman croaked out. Arizona and Mark. Mark was an easy recollection. Anyone who had worked at Seattle Grace knew who Mark Sloan was. Plastic Surgeon extraordinaire. Arizona was trickier. It took a few moments for Izzie to remember the pretty blonde pediatrician.

"Is Mark Sofia's father?" A curt nod was the only answer she got. Her stomach dropped even lower. It was like a double blow. At least for Meredith's family. Unless Lexie was no longer with Mark. Still, Mark was close to Derek and Derek was close to Meredith. Any way it was spun life for Meredith Grey's family would never be the same. Damn it. If anyone deserved a happy life it was Mere. Sweet, kind hearted Mere who had a heart so big it burst with love for everyone around her.

"Dr. Stevens…Izzie…don't beat around the bush. Just tell me." A hopeless desperation clung to Callie's tone. It was almost as though the mother already knew her baby was gone. Intuition, Izzie thought miserably.

"I think it would be best if we waited until…"

Callie cut her off by shaking her head. Her pain glazed eyes were locked on Izzie, the dark irises fixated on one particular part of her body. Shifting uncomfortably, Izzie felt one of her hands involuntarily move to the slight rounding of her stomach. Beneath the trembling fingers she felt her own son shift and move. "What if it was your baby? Would you want to wait?"

Tears burned Izzie's eyes. Her son was a constant emotional tug of war for her. In the divorce Alex had given her full rights to the embryos and had made it clear he never wanted to know if she used them or destroyed them. Keeping that promise had been easy at first. She had been fixated on making sure the pregnancy took. Now, two months before her due date, she was wondering if Alex had meant what he said or if he had said it because he thought that was what she wanted to hear. Every day she teeter tottered on whether or not she should call and tell him he was going to be a father. She wanted to believe he would be happy, that he would love their son as much as she already did. She wasn't sure though. One thing she was sure on was her son would know his mother loved him. And if anything ever happened… "I would want to know," she answered. Callie nodded, anguish etched on her face as she waited for Izzie to say the words aloud. "I don't know the details. If you like I can ask the EMT or one of the police…" the shaking of Callie's head stopped her. Details were not needed. "She's gone Callie."

"Did…did she at least make it to the hospital," Callie choked. Izzie shook her head. A strangled sob escaped Callie's lips as she tried to curl on to her side. The various wires and her cast kept her in place. It was pure torture. Everything in Izzie screamed to offer comfort but a good doctor did not do that. They said what needed to be said and let the family do the comforting. Callie's family wasn't there, though, not yet. And, once upon a time, they had shared friends in common. Muttering a curse, Izzie moved closer to bed. She started to reach for Callie's hand only to be told to get out. To take her pregnant belly and get out! When she didn't budge, Callie spat out hurtful words. Alex had cheated on her with Lexie. Callie herself had slept with Alex when he was dating Izzie. Alex didn't even seem to miss his ex-wife. And wasn't that just what Izzie deserved for what she did to Callie's marriage? Adulterous whores did not deserve happy endings. Izzie didn't even deserve the baby that was nestled in her womb. It wasn't fair! Callie had been a good person and yet again Izzie came out the winner.

Logic told Izzie that Callie was only saying those things in an attempt to make someone else hurt as much as she was hurting. The pain piercing Izzie's heart probably didn't come close to the pain burning in Callie's. "I should have waited," Izzie whispered as she backed up. Her body tangled with the curtain that separated Callie from the rest of the E.R. Grabbing a fistful of the fabric, Izzie tried to sort through the damage before her. Protocol was to wait until family arrived to give bad news. She had crossed a line. Again! All because she had let her former bleeding heart take charge.

"Told her, huh?" The question came from Dr. Harris…or was it Smith? Now Izzie wished she had taken the time to remember who each of her coworkers were. Or at least this one. He was always there to back her up and never expected anything in return. The least she could have done was remember his name.

"I should have waited," Izzie repeated, her tear glazed eyes dropping to the shorter man's name badge. Dr. John Smith. Common name had fit him well. The word common described him in general. Average height, plain brown hair, regular blue eyes, and a forgettable face. He had heart though, she thought miserably. He was the doctor who sat next to patients holding their hands. The kind of doctor Izzie use to be.

"She didn't want to wait," John reminded her. His gentle hands untangled her fingers from the curtain and guided her toward the small break room behind the nurses station. "I heard her manipulate you into telling her."

"I've had patients try to manipulate me before. I should have known better. I did know better. I just…" Squeezing her eyes shut, Izzie shook her head. There was no excuse for breaking protocol. For two years she had been so good, so careful. She never let herself get close to a patient. Never did more than what was expected or necessary. She had been the perfect triage doctor. The first time a blast from her past explodes on to the scene she loses her cool. Two years of model doctoring down the drain.

"I could make excuses for it, if you think that will make you feel better," offered the other doctor. It wouldn't. Nothing was going to make her feel better. "Or I could tell you that we all slip up and get too close. Especially when it comes to patients we know. Best thing to do is forget about it and move on. You can't undo things that have been done."

Oh how well Izzie knew that. John was right. She couldn't take back telling Callie when there was nobody around to comfort her. Best thing to do was move on and focus on…her heart lurched. Focus on contacting Meredith about Molly. "I don't think I can call Meredith," she whispered. "I don't think I can tell her that her sister and brother in law are dead. I'll just mess it up like I messed up telling Callie that her daughter was dead."

John let out a sigh and carefully forced her to sit in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs that littered the small room. "You can. You will. This Meredith is your friend. You obviously care about her. It will be easier coming from you. She will know you are telling her out of love, not obligation."

"We haven't spoken in years."

"Love knows no time limit" chided John. "Face it, whatever excuse you have I'm going to come up with a rebuttal. Might as well get it over with. If you like we'll put the phone on speaker and I'll stay with you while you make the call. You have to do it though, Dr. Stevens. Not just because she's your friend but because you were her sister's doctor."

He was right, damn him. Muttering a few choice words, Izzie rose from her seat and walked toward the phone on the wall. She wouldn't put it on speaker but she was glad for the support her unlikely friend was offering. Her fingers shook as she dialed the familiar house number. Meredith seldom answered her cell. If she wasn't at home, Izzie would call Seattle Grace. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four…and then Alex's familiar voice wrapping around her as he said hello.

"Shit," she whispered. It took all her strength not to hang up. "Is Meredith there?" The shaking in her voice was humiliating. With any luck Alex wouldn't recognize who was on the other line.

"Iz?"

No such luck. Her fingers curled tighter around the phone. "Yeah," she squeaked out, her stomach flip flopping as her heart started to race. Her heart picked up more speed as the baby she carried gave a hearty kick, as though to say 'tell him I exist.' She couldn't. This wasn't about her, Alex, or their baby. It was about Meredith. "Is Meredith there? I really need to talk to her."

"Yeah. She just walked in." There was a pregnant pause before he asked if everything was alright. Izzie choked back a sob. "I know things ended bad, Iz, but if you ever need to talk I'm here."

"I do…we do…just not tonight. I need to tell Meredith something." Closing her eyes, she pressed her forehead against the cool wall. She felt John place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. It was nice to know that two years of indifference on her part hadn't altered his compassion. She wasn't sure she could have done this if he hadn't been there. "You'll be there for her, right? She isn't going to be alone tonight?"

Alex grew silent. "You're not sick again are you," he asked in scared whisper. Izzie bit out a no and asked again if someone was going to be home to be with Meredith. "Yeah. I'm in for the night. So is Shepherd and Lexie."

The mention of Meredith's other sister was like a stab to her heart. All she could hear was Callie telling her that Alex had cheated on her with Lexie. She wanted to blame him, to be angry but what good would it do? They were divorced and he had tried telling her there was someone else. She just hadn't listened. She wondered if they were still together. "Good," she said at last, pushing her own selfish musings to the side. "She's going to need you."

There was an agonizing moment of silence as Alex handed the phone off to Meredith. Rip the bandage off, Izzie thought. Just say what needs to be said. It killed her to do it. Every sob that came from Meredith wracked through Izzie's body. There were questions, but no accusations of letting Molly die. There was also some begging that Izzie stay with Molly's daughter until Meredith or Lexie could get there. It was with a shaky voice and uncertainty that Izzie agreed. What else could she do? She had just blown apart part of Meredith's world.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: For those of you reading this story, thank you! I realize it isn't a happy one and for some of you that is a turn off. In the past, I would have been right there with you. Life is gloomy enough without reading about sorrow. Strength and beauty often come from sorrow though. You have to take the bad with the good. In the case of this story, there seems to be a lot of bad. There have been several deaths. Three to count. The characters are what most would consider minor but the impact of their deaths effect our favorite main characters in a huge way. Callie and Mark lost their son, while Meredith and Lexie lost not only their sister but their brother in law and now there is the question of who will raise the daughter that was left behind. There is also the horrible fact that all the deaths are connected. Plenty of bad right there, huh? You might be asking yourself what good can come from all that? Here is one thought: Izzie was there. A pregnant Izzie who wanted to tell Alex she had used the embryos but didn't know how. _

_Side Note: Thank you to the reader who supplied Molly's last name and the name of Mark and Callie's little GIRL! I revised the first chapter and will keep the information filed away. Thank you guys so much! I enjoy all sorts of feedback. It helps me grow. _

Chapter Two

_You were so scared…_

The ache started small. Just a tiny prick in the pit of Lexie's stomach. Slowly it manifested, oozing into every nook and cranny of her soul. It was a monster of an ache. One that clawed, ripped, and devastated. She wanted it gone. Just for a moment. That was all she needed. One moment where she felt nothing. Tequila had done the trick in the past but not this time. It numbed her enough to work up the courage to call a cab and give the driver the directions to Mark's house. He probably wouldn't be home. It was Friday night. That meant "family" night with Arizona, Callie, and Sofia. Lexie didn't give a shit. If Arizona, Callie, and Sofia were at Mark's they could leave. And if Mark wasn't home, Lexie would wait. She needed something, someone, to ease the pain.

She threw a couple twenties at the taxi driver when the cab rolled to a halt outside the tall, gray building where Mark lived. Raising her head, she looked up. A single light was glowing from Mark's apartment. Good. Someone was there. Hopefully just him. She wasn't sure she wanted Arizona and Callie to see her fall apart and beg. Arizona wouldn't have been so bad, but Callie was another story. There was no love lost between them. In Lexie's eyes the other woman had manipulated and used Mark to conceive a child so she could lure Arizona back. That probably wasn't how it had happened but it made Lexie feel better. It hurt less than thinking about Mark carelessly making love to another woman when he had always been careful with her.

"Please be home," she softly begged as she tapped her trembling fingers against the smooth, metal door. Her heart started to beat wildly as footsteps drew closer. When the door opened he appeared just as haggard as she felt. She didn't stop to question why. Her mind needed a rest. A break from the pain. She knew of only one way to achieve that. Without stopping to ask if he was alone, Lexie wound her arms around his neck and rose on her tip toes to crush her mouth against his. He responded the way she knew he would, by slipping his tongue past her lips and his hands beneath her light pink tank top. Instantly the top was yanked upward, exposing her creamy flesh. A needful whimper filled the back of her throat as, next, her jeans were forcefully tugged down her legs. It should have been frightening, how determined he was to get her naked. It was anything but. She found the dominance exciting; a welcome break from the pain of the evening. If her mind was wrapped up in letting Mark fuck her, she wasn't thinking about the funeral plans that needed to be made, as well as who would get custody of Emily.

With just as much determination, Lexie fumbled with the snap and zipper of his faded jeans. She let out a frustrated growl when the zipper stuck, unable to move against the strain of his erection. Mark batted her fingers away and yanked the zipper down. Her back collided with the same door she had just entered as he simultaneously lift her legs around his hips and pressed into her. Closing her eyes, she let herself feel. Just him. Just the amazing rush of feelings that always flooded her when they made love. As he thrust in and out of her body, she fought back the urge to cry. In giving in to how she felt about him, emotionally, not just physically, she had opened the gate to reality. Molly was gone. Dead. As was Brian. In a couple days they would be buried next to Lexie's mother.

"Oh God," she sobbed, clinging to him harder. Her cries seemed to spur him on. Faster. Harder. In. Out. Until she felt him coming. She waited for him to pull out. To be Mr. Careful as he was always Mr. Careful when they had unprotected sex. He didn't do it. He pressed his face into her neck, an odd wetness scolding the sensitive skin just below her ear. It was then she realized she wasn't the only one crying. Had Derek called ahead? Had he been told of her loss? She wrapped her arms around him tighter, hoping he would do the same. He obliged, crushing her against his chest. Together they slid into a mess of limbs on the floor. "It isn't fair," she whispered. Perhaps talking would ease the pain in a way ignoring and sex hadn't.

"Its fucked up is what it is," Mark choked. The grief in his voice wasn't sympathy, or empathy even. It was real. Raw, uninhibited grief. The tears on his cheeks had nothing to do with her loss and everything to do with some unknown pain he was going through. She reached out and swiped a thumb across his cheek, wiping away the trace of a tear that had just fallen. It would do no good for him to return the favor. Tears trailed down her cheeks at a steady rate. "Stevens is one cold bitch. Telling Callie the way she did. Acting like Sofia was just some name. Some patient."

Confusion warred with Lexie's grief. Sofia? What did Mark's daughter with Callie have to do with Dr. Stevens? Whatever it was, it could wait. Lexie needed Mark to focus on her for a change. Callie and her precious daughter could swamp his time later. "My sister died," she blurted out. "Her and her husband. Some bitch ran a red light and killed them." She spared him the secret gratification that she got from knowing the driver of the other car had lost their daughter. It was sick. It was twisted. And later on Lexie would feel awful for being glad a child was dead. For now she was comforted by the fact that the selfish bitch who had killed Molly and Brian was hurting just as badly as Lexie was. She needed that disgusting ease because while Meredith had cried when she gave she news the tears had quickly stopped. It became painfully clear that Meredith was not as devastated by the deaths as Lexie was.

Mark stared at her for a moment, some unknown emotion rippling across his face. "You should go. Find Avery or Karev or some other guy who can help you feel better." Shock trickled through her veins like ice water. Was he that wrapped up in his faux family with Callie that he couldn't spare Lexie one night? Anger prompted her to yell the accusation at him. Twenty-one months of resentment bubbled out as she accused him of casting her aside for some self-absorbed bitch who used him to get pregnant. She should have stopped there. Had she been in her right mind she would have. Nothing about the night was right. So, against her better judgment, she accused him of not ever loving her. A shriek formed in her chest as he bundled up her clothes and shoved them into her arms. This was not happening. Mark was not choosing Callie and Sofia over her. Not when she needed him! Heartbroken tears mingled with the grief stricken ones. "You think losing your sister sucks? That there is no pain greater? You're wrong. My daughter died. I don't need some little girl break down. I need…" His voice broke off as his reality set in. The confusion that had waltzed with Lexie's grief transferred to him. She clung to her clothes, unsure if she should set them aside and offer him the comfort her had denied her, or if she should dress and leave. He made the decision for her. One by one he gently pried her fingers loose from her clothing and set them aside. For a moment she thought he meant to make love to again. His intentions became clear when he carefully eased her arms and upper body back into the tank top he had so eagerly ripped off before. Another wave of tears burned the backs of Lexie's eyes as she yanked her jeans back and angrily shoved her legs into them. Her anger seemed justified. When they could be helping one another cope he was kicking her out. He had used her; gotten what he wanted and now it was time for her to go. Cold-hearted, rotten bastard. She would have hated him if she didn't still love him so much. She would probably die loving him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I want to start with a great big thank you for the reviews. With time I am hoping this story becomes as popular as The Only Exception. Am I selfish for wanting to surpass the 500+ reviews I received on there? Probably! It is a goal, none the less. Another goal is to open your eyes to how grief can effect people. Most people do not understand the full extent of grief. We tend to think that how we grieve is how everyone grieves. That is definitely not the case. Each of us deal with loss in a different way. For instance, Callie is angry and lashing out, while Lexie only feels her own pain and is unable to see that others are hurting. Both are typical first reactions, as is quietly holding it in the way Mark did. As the story progresses so will their grief and how they handle it. Thanks again for all the amazing reviews! P.S. This chapter is short but I think it contains A LOT of important information! _

Chapter Three 

_But no one would listen_

Guilt gnawed its way through Meredith's body. From the top of her head, to the tips of her toes. She was consumed with it. There were moments when it felt as though it were going to eat her alive. It didn't help that everyone kept watching her, waiting for her to break down. She almost wanted to, just so they would stop staring and stop asking if she was alright. No, she wasn't alright! Her youngest sister and brother in law had been killed in a car accident and she didn't even know them well enough to shed a tear. Sure she had cried when she first received the news, but those tears had been for Lexie and the loss she knew Lexie would be feeling. Since then she had been drier than a desert. She knew her lack of grief hurt Lexie in a way that was almost as painful as losing Molly and Brian. She knew it seemed as though she didn't care. And, to some degree, that was true. It couldn't be helped. To her, Molly was a name, not a sister. If she felt grief it was for what might have been. And that was why guilt was snacking on her soul.

"Just fake it," she muttered as she inched her way closer to Derek. They stood in a corner, separated from the rest of the family. She felt like an intruder. All around were people who had known and loved Molly. Their tears were real. Squinting hard, Meredith stared up at the bright fluorescent overhead light, hoping the bright glare would make her eyes water. No such luck. She let out a sigh and dropped her chin to her chest. Drastic times called for drastic measures. Stepping slightly behind Derek, she sucked in a deep breath, and then touched the tip of her index finger to her eye. It burned like crazy but brought some semblance of wetness. Thank God! She repeated the ridiculous act on her other eye.

"Aunt Meredith?" Laura's tiny voice snapped Meredith's head up. She peeked down at the petite little blonde haired girl standing before her. It was uncanny how much her half sister's daughter looked like her. The same wavy blonde hair. The same big grayish green eyes. The same frail little body. Even the same stubborn tilt of her chin. "What are you doing?"

"Crying," Meredith lied. The solemn faced little girl nodded and then added to Meredith's guilt by wrapping her slender arms around Meredith's waist. Uncertain what to do, Meredith awkwardly patted Laura's back. It should be Lexie comforting her, she thought miserably. That wasn't going to happen though. Lexie wasn't even up to the task of comforting herself. Not yet. And Thatcher had done what he did best: went on a drinking binge. It was surprising that he hadn't either killed himself or pickled the liver Meredith had given him.

"I miss mommy," whispered Laura. Missing a mother was something Meredith understood all to well. Her own mother might as well have been dead when she was Laura's age. Ellis had cared more about her job and Richard Webber than she had her daughter. It had been late nights with sitters and being forgotten after school. Meredith couldn't recall one school event her mother had attended. "I miss daddy too. And the new baby."

Something other than guilt clenched in Meredith's stomach. None of them had known Molly was pregnant until Laura said something. They had thought it was a little girl's wishful thinking only to be proven wrong when Lexie found paperwork and tests results for an obstetrician. If she had lived, Molly would have given birth to a second child in seven months. It didn't seem fair. Of course little in life was fair. Good people died while evil ones lived. Heroes went unsung while villains thrived in the limelight. And, she thought bitterly, guys trying to do the right thing get their hearts broken all over again. She knew it was wrong to think of the quandary Alex was in where Izzie was concerned. Good friend that he was, he had driven Meredith and Lexie to the hospital to see Laura. They had all expected to find Izzie in the room, she had been asked to stay. What they hadn't expected was the pregnant belly. Nor had they expected her the cold, almost hostile attitude. Izzie had changed, and from Meredith's point of view the change wasn't a good one.

"…know where I'm going to live?"

Shaking her head, Meredith turned her attention back to her niece. Much as she loved both Alex and Izzie they were adults and would figure out what to do. Her attention needed to stay on the tiny girl in front of her. Where was Laura going to live? It was the question on everyone's mind. Meredith knew the answer. She was pretty sure none of the people in the room would approve. Screw them. The choice had been Molly and Brian's. An air tight choice with no legal loop holes. Who knew her youngest sister was so thorough. And insane! "Um, well, you're going to live with me and Uncle Derek."

A small gasp came from a relative on Brian's side. The angry flush in her cheeks, as well as her quick departure for a small group sobbing across the room told Meredith that soon everyone would know. Crazy Molly had left her daughter to a sister she barely knew. The lawyer had showed up the day after the accident with both wills. Their house and remaining vehicle, along with any items not saved back for Laura, would be sold and the money placed in a trust for their daughter's college education. There were life insurance policies to cover funeral expenses and taking care of Laura. Meredith had only half listened, positive that the information only pertained to Lexie. And then guardianship of Laura was announced. She would be placed in the care of her aunt and uncle, Meredith and Derek Shepherd. That had gotten her attention. She had looked at Lexie, expecting horror or anger, but there hadn't been either. Later, when Meredith asked Lexie why she wasn't upset, Lexie had explained that the decision had been made not only by Molly and Brian, but by Lexie as well. It had been decided that since Lexie didn't know if she ever wanted children that Meredith, who did want them, should raise Laura in the event that both Molly and Brian died. None of them had expected it to happen though.

"Oh." Laura's lips formed a perfect little rosebud as she mulled over her new living arrangements. "I can still see Aunt Lexie right?" Meredith nodded. "And Grampa?" That was difficult to answer. Thatcher was a drunk. He wasn't physically mean, just sloppy, irresponsible, and verbally aggressive. Not suitable behavior for children.

"If Grampa wants to come over and visit he can," she answered cautiously. If Thatcher came to them there would be less of a chance for something to go wrong.

"He might not come. He didn't like coming to our house cause daddy made him come without stinky breath." Tears welled up in the large eyes as Laura's lower lip started to tremble. "I miss my daddy. Do you know when him and mommy are coming back?"

Shit! How did she explain the permanency of death to a child? She was saved by Lexie. Her hallow eyed sister knelt before the confused child and softly explained. It was heart breaking, listening to Lexie tell Laura about Heaven and her parents becoming angels. The tears that pricked Meredith's eyes were no longer forced. One by one, tears streamed down her cheeks. Tears for Laura. Tears for the sister she would never get to know.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Again I must thank you for all the amazing reviews! I am always so humbled by the responses my stories get. You truly have no idea how much I appreciate that you not only read but you take the time to tell me your thoughts! Oh how amazing those thoughts are! You guys make me think and delve deeper. Something writers should always strive for is listening to and taking the advice their readers give them. I try to do just that and I hope it shows! _

_In the last chapter we fast forwarded to the funeral. Some of you were upset that we did not see the "reunion" between Alex and Izzie. I left it out on purpose. I could not write the angry exchange that occurred. They verbally attacked one another and let loose everything they had been holding in during their two years apart. I thought it better left unsaid and for us to move on. I am sorry if you are disappointed but I hope this chapter more than makes up for it. _

Chapter Four

_Cause no one else cared…_

The house wasn't very big. Three small bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen that resembled a hallway, and a living room no bigger than two of Meredith's walk in closets combined. What it lacked in space it made up for in charm. Shiny hardwood floors, a mosaic tiled fireplace, windows aplenty, and crown molding similar to what was in Meredith's house. It was, by far, the nicest place Alex had ever lived. The fact that he had found it, loved it, and actually gotten it seemed like a miracle. Things usually did not go in his favor; his childhood was a prime example of that. A drug addicted father, a schizophrenic mother, cockroach infested hotel rooms, and foster parents that didn't give a shit. How he turned out semi-normal he would never know. Maybe it was sheer determination not to end up like the rest of his family. So far he had succeeded. He was a doctor with a promising future at a top ten hospital. Sure he had a divorce under his belt and his ex-wife seemed determined to keep him out of his soon to be born son's life but he was even more determined to be a father. So determined that he had gone out on a limb and bought the cottage-style house he was moving into. The moment he had seen it all he could picture was coming home to Izzie and his son. Maybe he had inherited his mother's tendency to live in fantasy land but he felt confident he could make it happen.

"It's cute." Meredith's voice echoed in the empty house as she walked in to stand next to him. Alex nodded. It was cute. Funny that he, Mr. Macho Man, had bought a cute house. He had always imagined his first home being some glass monstrosity or a high-rise penthouse. Of course he had also imagine himself as a hot ass plastic surgeon. Reality was better. His new house had character and he loved being a pediatric surgeon. Life was good. The only blemish was Iz and her artic emotions toward him. He could thaw her, he was sure of it. He had wormed his way into her heart once, he could do it again.

"Yeah. I guess," he muttered when he realized Meredith was waiting for him to say something. He rubbed a hand over his recently shaved head and let out a sigh. "Iz is suppose to come by later. So we can talk."

"Oh," murmured his former roommate. She carefully lowered herself onto the ledge of a window and stared at him with weary green eyes. "Think things will go better than they did last time?"

Last time he had been blindsided. He had driven Meredith and Lexie to get Laura, sort of hoping he would run into Iz. They had left so many things unsaid. He hadn't realized how much he had wanted to talk to her, to see her again, until he heard her voice over the phone. Finding her hadn't been hard. She had been seated next to Laura's bed, reading the scared little girl a story. They had exchanged a few pleasantries before she stood. He had taken one look at her swollen stomach and lost it. The words he had flung at her. Bitch. Liar. Selfish. One right after the other. Any insult he could think of to heap on her, he had. She had stared at him, her face a frozen mask. And then, in a cold voice he didn't recognize, she reminded him that he had told her to stay away.

"Hello! Earth to Alex!"

Blinking, Alex eased his lips into an apologetic grin. "Sorry. Got lost in thought. Yeah, I think things will go better. Not so shocked or angry anymore, you know?"

"You're not, but she might be," Meredith pointed out. He was prepared for that, expected it even. Nobody said the things he had said to his ex-wife without some expectation of anger on the other person's part. He would let her have her anger, would let her have her say, and then he would lay out how things needed to be. When she decided to use the embryos, she made it less about them and all about the child they were bringing into the world. The kid deserved a fair shot at life. He deserved two parents that loved him and provided a safe, stable home for him. Alex had found the home, knew they both already loved the kid, now it was time to work on the stable part. No kid deserved to be bounced around, even if it was from their mom's house to their's dad's house. Whether Izzie liked it or not, the best thing for their son would be if they could all live under the same roof.

"She'll forgive me," he said simply, glancing down at his watch. A quarter till seven. Izzie had reluctantly agreed to come by when her shift ended. At seven. "Not to be rude…but…."

Meredith rolled her eyes and stood up. "Yeah, yeah. I get it. I'm no longer welcome." A wistful sigh whooshed past her lips as she wrapped her thin arms around his waist and gave him a brief hug. "You're a good guy, Alex. An ass at times, but a good guy. Try to remember that when you're talking to Iz, okay? Show her that good guy she once fell in love with and not the ass who slept with my sister, huh?"

"Love you too, Grey." Shaking his head, he followed Meredith out onto the little porch. At the moment it was empty but it he could see one of those little patio sets taking up the space. Or maybe a porch swing like Meredith had. Or maybe…his thoughts trailed off as Izzie's old Honda pulled in behind his Mustang. She exchanged a tense hello with Meredith before walking toward him. Even with her face pinched in frustrated anger she looked beautiful. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders in honey colored waves and she wore some strapless sundress that almost hid her pregnancy.

"If you want to argue, please tell me now so I can just go. I've had a long day and quite frankly Alex I don't have enough energy to go through another round of pointing fingers." There was no disguising the weariness in her voice. He looked past the obvious and saw the exhaustion in her dark eyes.

"No arguing. Promise." The corner of his mouth tipped up in a half-hearted grin as he held out the pinky finger of his right hand. To anyone else the gesture would have seemed ridiculous. Izzie got it. She knew what it meant. He would keep his word no matter how hard it was. Relief shot through him as she curled her left pinky finger around his. It was small, but a sign that she was at least willing to hear him out. That was something. Especially after the way he had behaved when he seen she was pregnant. God, he had been such an ass. If he could take it all back he would. "Listen, about what I said the other night, I'm sorry. I was wrong." The words tasted sour on his tongue but felt right in his heart. He was sorry and he had been wrong. He just hoped she realized that.

"We all say things we shouldn't," she said stiffly. Her body shifted from one foot to the other, reminding Alex of a small child trying to avoid using the bathroom. "Can I borrow your bathroom." He almost laughed at how appropriate his thoughts had been. Somehow he didn't think Izzie would laugh with him. She had always been sensitive and serious, but this new Izzie seemed even more so.

Wordlessly, he led her through to the bathroom at the back of the small house. When he had first looked at the place the bathroom had surprised him. First because it was bigger than was expected, and secondly it had claw foot tub over six feet long. The previous owner had also taken the time to install a shower fixture, a definitely benefit. "I'll be in the living room," he murmured before leaving her. In the past he would have just stood in the doorway and talked to her. They no longer shared that intimacy. Funny how he missed weird little things like that. Or maybe it wasn't so much the little things as it was the intimacy, the connection, the knowing there was someone who completely understood and loved him. Perhaps wanting that back was asking for too much but Alex was use to reaching for the unreachable and working hard to obtain it.

"Nice house." The soft spoken compliment drew his attention away from the meanderings of what had been and what might be again. Smiling weakly he thanked her and apologized for the lack of furniture. All he had was the bed Meredith had so graciously given him. She was redoing his old room as a playroom for Laura. The other room would become the little girl's bedroom.

"Yeah. It's alright." Again he kept his excitement at purchasing his first home to himself. It was probably silly to feel the way he did about the little house. He couldn't help it. For once he had a place he could call his own. A home nobody could make him leave.

"Code for you love it," his ex-wife mused. She glanced around the empty living room, dismay joining the weariness on her face. It took a moment for him to realize her dismay was over the lack of seating not the place itself. Damn. Why hadn't he thought about that when he asked her to meet him? Of course she wanted to sit. She was six and a half months pregnant and had just worked twelve hours.

"Sorry. Haven't gotten around to getting furniture yet." Wrinkling his brow, he wondered if he should ask if she wanted to go someplace else to talk or just put it off. She saved him from the decision by suggesting they move to the bedroom. He almost teased her about all the fun they use to have in the sack but refrained. Her suggestion had stemmed from the fact that the bed was the only piece of furniture he had, not from a sudden interest in getting naked between the sheets.

Izzie sat on the edge of the bed, her chin tucked against her chest and her fingers knotted together on her lap. A variety of emotions seemed to flicker across her face, as though she were struggling with what to say. "I'm glad you know," she said at last, her head coming up. Her dark eyes collided with his hazel ones. "You have no idea how hard…" her voice broke a little as she sucked in her breath. "When I first decided to use the embryos I didn't really think about anything but getting pregnant. It wasn't until my first ultrasound that I realized it wasn't my baby, but our baby, and then all I could think about was how you didn't want to know." Her fingers unknotted long enough for her to reach up and tuck her hair behind her ears. "I think I cried for a week straight, trying to understand why you wouldn't want to know. When I found out the baby was a boy I thought about calling and…I don't know…I still don't know…I just…this baby needs you. He needs his dad, Alex. So you need to put aside whatever issues you have with me and you need to figure out a way to love this baby…our baby. Our son."

A grapefruit sized lump formed in Alex's throat. Over and over, he replayed the last conversation he had had with Izzie. Stay away. Deserve better. Each word thundered through his mind. If it hurt him to think about, what had it done to her? Izzie who had struggled to live and had swallowed her pride to come back. Slowly, he sank down next to her on the edge of the bed. Sorry didn't seem strong enough for what he felt. "I didn't mean it, you know?"

"That's just it, Alex. I didn't know. I never really knew what you were thinking or feeling. Even when you married me I was never sure if you married me because you loved me or because you thought I was dying." The clipped tone, full of a hardness created by hurt, was a far cry from the optimistic girl he had met. She had been through a lot, he reminded himself. The death of a fiance. Cancer. Divorce. Finding a new job. Figuring out how to raise a child on her own. Was it any wonder she had changed? So many life altering events, all heaped on one person.

"I loved you," he whispered. "I just didn't know how much until you were gone and by then it was too late."

She shook her head, her dark eyes glimmering with a suspicious moisture. "It was never too late Alex. If you had called or text or something I would have come running back."

"I tried that, remember? You ignored me. Hell, you had your mom lie to me. Did you really expect me to keep chasing someone who didn't want to be chased?" A trace of the old bitterness clung to his words. She had left so easily. Too easily. He never really stopped to examine why but now he wondered. Had she left because she had realized they made a mistake? "You say you never knew what I felt but did you ever stop to ask yourself why? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I held back because every time I turned around you were comparing me to O'Malley or that creep Duquette? That ever occur you, huh? That maybe I didn't put everything into us because I knew I was third choice."

Her lips parted and her eyes widened. "Seriously? You're seriously going to turn this around and pin it all on me? That is just so typical Alex! You never want to own up to your actions." She started to rise. He grabbed her wrist and gently yanked her back down. "Let go," she seethed.

"No. Not this time. I'm not the only one to blame here, Iz. We both fucked up. We both have issues we have to get over for our son's sake." That got her attention. Her tense body visibly relaxed as she nodded her head in agreement.

"You're right. We're both to blame." The words were so low Alex almost didn't hear them. She reached up and swiped at a tear that had trickled down her cheek. His fingers itched to be the one to wipe away her tears. It was too soon. There was too much that still needed to be said. "You were never third choice," she murmured after what felt like a pregnant pause. "You cheated on me and Denny was there. Nice, safe Denny who needed me to take care of him. Then he died and there was all this guilt. I let him die and if that wasn't bad enough I let him die thinking I loved him as much as he loved me." Her shoulders dropped a little as she let out a sigh. "I thought if I…I don't know. I guess I let the guilt make me hold back. And then one day the guilt was no longer there. Only by then Rebecca or Ava or whoever the hell she was had wormed her way in and I told myself that was good. That was great. No risk of getting hurt if you were too busy with someone else to notice that I still cared. Only it wasn't as great as I tried to tell myself. And I…George…God it was just a big mess! A great big ole mess and what was I suppose to do? Tell him sorry I messed up your marriage? You were just a distraction? I couldn't do that. Not to George. Maybe some other guy, but not George." Another sigh escaped her lips as she flopped backwards. She slid her hands up so that they rested on her swollen stomach. A ghost of a smile tipped the corners of her lips as she whispered for him to give her his hand. With a sense of awe, he let her press his fingers to the side of her belly. The awe grew as a tiny foot pressed back. "He likes to kick. A lot. I think he's going to be a soccer player or something."

A million emotions Alex had never felt before flooded him. He shifted so he lay next to her, his hand still pressed against her belly. "I don't want to miss anything," he whispered hoarsely. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that he already loved their little boy. Men didn't do those sorts of things. Or did they? He had seen Mark Sloan turn to mush when his daughter was around. A daughter that no longer existed, Alex thought sadly. If he loved his unborn son this much already, how much more had Mark loved Sofia?

"What are we going to do?" Izzie asked, her head turning so they faced one another. Their noses were an inch apart. If he leaned just a bit their mouths would connect. She was thinking it too, he could see the awareness in her eyes. And then it was gone. Her guard came back up, and she struggled into a sitting position. "What are we going to do," she repeated.

"Forgive each other?" He suggested. "Forgive each other and move on." His heart lurched when she admitted she had forgiven him a long time ago. He swallowed his pride and admitted the same thing. "Then we move forward. Figure out a way to make this work."

"This?" Brow wrinkling, Izzie looked at him oddly.

"This. Us." He motioned between the two of them. Ignoring the worry and fear beating in his heart, he slowly laid out the plan that had started forming the moment he seen her pregnant belly. The two of them, married again, raising their child in the house he had bought. A childish fantasy that had probably been left unsaid. He had to suggest it. If he didn't he would always wonder.

"If…and this is a big if, Alex…if we do this we have to do it right. No more games." The woman talking sounded a lot like the woman he had fallen in love with. Sweet, kind, optimistic Izzie who forgave and loved unconditionally.

"No more games," he agreed. Silence wrapped itself around them as she worked through his proposal. After what felt like an eternity she gave her answer. Shock ricocheted through his body as he absorbed it. For the first time, in a long time, he wondered if there wasn't a God because only someone with that much power could have softened Izzie's heart enough to say yes.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: There are no words to describe how humbled I am over your continued support of my writing. Your continued loyalty not only amazes me, it inspires me. It drives me to continue to grow as a writer. Looking at this story compared to my very first one, I am a astounded people even started reading my stories to begin with! I hope I continue to meet your expectations. This story has been a difficult one. Not just in finding the right words but in expressing the emotions the characters are going through. Life is a total mess for all of them. Death has rearranged their lives and left permanent scars. Meredith and Derek are now struggling to be parents to a grief stricken four year old. Alex and Izzie are trying to bury the past for their unborn son's sake. Arizona and Callie are mourning the loss of their child, as is Mark. And Mark, poor, poor Mark. He needs Lexie to lean on so badly but she equally needs him as well. They are at an impasse. Both are caught up in their own grief and are unaware of how the other is hurting. Things are about to happen that force the blinders from their eyes. I also want to ask all of the Callie fans to read this chapter with an open mind. I want you to remember we have not "heard" from her yet. We do not know what was going through her mind that night or what happened to cause the accident. Until we do I want everyone to please remember I like Callie and I want good things for her. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. This is a lesson she is learning, along with taking responsibility for your own actions. _

_Side Note: The last word in Chapter Four was Izzie's answer. It seemed as though most of you got that but a few didn't. _

Chapter Five

_After my dreaming, I woke with this fear_

Life didn't feel worth living; not when there was this big, gaping hole where Sofia use to be. Tears burned the back of Arizona Robbins eyes as she sat in the corner of her daughter's room, clutching a pale pink bunny that still smelled faintly of lavender baby lotion. None of it felt real. Not the accident. Not the funeral. Not the horrifying details the police report had held. Gulping back a sob, she buried her face in the soft plush toy. Over and over again in her mind she replayed the horrible things Callie had said and done since the accident. Blame was heaped on everyone. Mark for wanting to switch nights. Arizona for working late. The light for changing too soon. The couple in the other car for not being more cautious. Callie had a reason to blame anyone and anything but herself. At first Arizona had let her. People had to grieve in their own way. And then she read the police report.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Arizona tried to will the facts away. They refused to budge. Like a reel on a movie projector the police report played over and over in her mind. The accident had been the result of Calliope Torres failing to stop at a red light. Torres' car had hit another car , driven by Brian Thompson at approximately sixty-five miles per hour; twenty miles over the posted speed limit. Thompson had been killed on impact, while the passenger, Molly Thompson had died from internal injuries shortly after arriving at the hospital. The third passenger, a four year old female named Laura, had been taken by ambulance to the hospital where she was later released into the custody of her aunt, Meredith Grey. An unbuckled car seat had been ejected from Torres' vehicle, resulting in the death of Sofia Torres-Robbins-Sloane. There had been a few other facts, mostly a list of what Callie was being ticketed for and charged with. Arizona would care about those facts later. Her heart could only carry so much and at the moment it was raw over losing her daughter and the knowledge that Molly Thompson had been Meredith and Lexie Grey's little sister.

"Arizona?"

Blinking back the tears burning in her eyes, Arizona looked up. Mark stood over her, concern stamped across his handsome features. There were days it hurt to look at him, to see Sofia's smile and dimples. Now it looked to hurt at him because she was going to have to tell him about the connection between the couple Callie had killed and the Grey sisters. "Hey," she choked out, trying to force her mouth into a wobbly smile. She failed. Oh well. It wasn't like Mark was all blue skies and butterflies.

"You alright?" The question was ridiculous. They both knew that neither was alright. How could they be? Their world had been shattered.

"No but I'm hoping that someday I will be." Still clutching the soft bunny, Arizona rose. Instantly Mark engulfed her in a hug. Closing her eyes, she let him hold her, his steady heart beat giving her strength. "Mark, I have to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me, okay?"

"Always," he promised, releasing her from his embrace. She took a few unsteady steps backward and collapsed into the rocking chair. Mentally bracing herself, she asked if he had read the police report. "No. I don't want to know or need to know the details. Sofie is gone. That's all that matters…." his voice trailed off as she shook her head and let out a strangled sob. "You read it, didn't you?"

"I had to. I had to know what happened." The bunny fell from her fingers as she gathered her thoughts. She barely noticed Mark picking it up and shoving it in his pocket. Callie would be upset when she noticed it missing but Arizona figured Mark could deal with that. Her mind was too busy, full of wonderings. The main one being whether or not Mark had read the police report. If Mark hadn't read the report he didn't know that the accident was Callie's fault. She motioned toward the closed hope chest her father had built for Sofia's first birthday. Now it would become a memory chest, full of Sofia's favorite things. "You should sit."

"That bad huh?" His off handed joke fell flat. Things were more than bad, they were disastrous. "Not sure I really want to hear this, Arizona."

"Yeah, well I'm not sure I want to be the one to tell you but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do." And this was definitely one of those times, she thought grimly. It wasn't fair that she was having to trudge through Callie's mess. Life was never fair though. She knew that from experience. "Callie blames us, you know that right?"

Mark nodded. It wasn't a secret. Callie was hell bent of dishing out the blame. It wasn't entirely unexpected. Grief did terrible things to people. And given how the accident had happened, Arizona understood why Callie couldn't face the truth. Who wanted to admit their actions had led to the death of not only their child, but two other people as well. "She'll come around. Just give her time. Hell I think we all need to time."

"Sofia's car seat wasn't buckled in," Arizona whispered, her heart breaking at the new anguish that washed over Mark's face. "That's why she was thrown from the car. Callie didn't buckle her in."

Disbelief and anger visibly warred on Mark's face. Empathy for what he must be feeling coursed through Arizona. Everything he felt she had felt. Anger. Disbelief. Anger. Horror. Anger. "She wouldn't do that," he bit out, his jaw clenching and unclenching in perfect rhythm with his fists.

"The police report…" Mark cut her off with another angry objection. Biting her lip until she tasted blood, Arizona held back the urge to scream. This whole mess was Callie's fault. She had no doubt in her mind about that. She wasn't judging or holding it against the other woman, she loved her too much to do that, but she didn't believe in wearing blinders the way Mark was. "Mark. I need you to listen to me. The police report isn't wrong. Sofia's car seat was thrown from the car and there were no broken seat belts. She wasn't buckled in." Now for the rest of it. She hated hitting him with it all at once but it was better to get it over with. "Do you remember the police telling us that the couple in the other car had died?" She had his full attention now and she hated it. Hated every damn second that his intent gaze was on her. "Their names were Brian and Molly Thompson."

His frown deepened. They were familiar to him, yet he hadn't worked out how or why. "Molly Thompson," he whispered. He repeated it several time, still unsure of why it sounded familiar.

"Molly _Grey_ Thompson."

The ugliness of truth washed over Mark. Molly _Grey _Thompson. In an onslaught of suppressed memories it started to come back to him. The night Sofia had died Lexie had shown up at his door. Her tears hadn't been for his loss but her own. Her sister and her brother in law. A double hit. He'd been too consumed with his own grief to stop and put the pieces together. If his mind had been clear he would have realized it was too big of a coincidence that her sister and brother in law were killed by a careless driver the same night Callie recklessly sped through a red light and hit a car, killing not just her daughter but the occupants of the other vehicle. "Shit," he choked out. He couldn't look at Arizona. Couldn't let her see the agony in his eyes. He felt like he was betraying Sofia somehow, feeling the pain Meredith, Derek and Lexie...Oh God. Lexie. He closed his eyes. She had come to him, needing comfort, and he had used her. Used her and tossed her aside like she was nothing. His only excuse was he had been so wrapped up in his own pain he hadn't paid attention to her's.

"I have to go."

Without waiting to see if Arizona was finished, Mark hurried out to his car. He couldn't take another minute of being surrounded by Sofia's things. The door to her room at his apartment had remained shut. He couldn't bring himself to go in there. Some day he would have to. Just not today. Today he had digest the news Arizona had hit him with. Callie hadn't buckled Sofia in and Callie was to blame for Lexie's sister and brother in law dying. It didn't feel real. Yet he knew Arizona wasn't making it up. Why would she? She loved Callie and in time would forgive her. At the moment Mark wasn't so sure he would ever reach that place. Tears partially blinded him as he sped his way toward Meredith and Derek's home. He had to know if they knew it was Callie driving the other vehicle.

Lights blazed in almost all the windows of the two story house Meredith and Derek called home. Nervous energy gave him the strength to get out of the car and climb the stair sto the front door. Half-way up the sound of childish chatter stopped him. A little girl with long, wavy blond pigtails came around the side of the house, her small hand held by Lexie, as they talked about school. His heart skipped a beat when the little girl paused and noticed him, her green eyes widening. Lexie followed the child's gaze, her eyes meeting Mark's for a split second. In that split second he felt her pain. The agony of losing someone she loved and having nobody to turn to.

"Lexie," he croaked, silently berating himself for the hoarseness of his voice. One too many nights spent crying and drinking. Alone.

Lexie stared at him for a moment, then looked down at the little girl. When she looked back toward him her face was an unreadable mask. "Derek isn't home yet," she mumbled. "He's in the middle of surgery so he probably won't be home for a while. Meredith scrubbed in with him so she's gone for the night as well. I'll let them know you stopped by."

At first he was confused by her assumption that he was there to see Derek and then it sunk in. She was telling him to leave and trying to do it without causing a scene that would upset the child. Tough luck. He wouldn't cause a scene but he wasn't leaving until he talked to her. He needed her to understand he hadn't meant to treat her the way he had, he had just been consumed by the loss of his child. Hell he still was. She was still reeling from her loses as well. "Do you have a minute?"

Again she looked down at the child. "Not really. I need to fix Laura a snack and then start dinner."

"Aunt Lexie," the little girl whispered. "You might want to tell him his bunny is going to fall out of his pocket."

Mark glanced down. Sure enough the little pink bunny he had picked up at Callie and Arizona's was hanging half out of his pocket. With trembling fingers he pulled it out the rest of the way. He longed to hold it close to his face, to see if it still carried Sofia's sweet baby smell. He didn't. He couldn't. Not with Lexie and her niece watching him. Niece. Molly's daughter. He closed his eyes. Bad enough he had lost his daughter to Callie's mistake, but it had also cost this little girl her parents.

A tiny hand tugged on the hem of his shirt, making him open his eyes. Lexie's niece stood next to him, her large eyes watching him intently. "You look sad."

"I am sad," he managed to reply, hoping he could hold it together long enough to speak to Lexie.

"I am too. My mommy and daddy died. They went to heaven to be angels. Did your mommy and daddy die to? Is that why you're sad?" There was no stopping the lone tear that broke free from the moisture gathering in his eyes. He cleared his throat before telling her his parents were both alive and well, that it was his daughter that had died. "Oh. I'm sorry. I bet she's in heaven too. A baby angel. When I pray tonight I'll ask God to tell my mommy and daddy to take care of her, okay?"

"Laura, its time to go in." Lexie grasped her niece's hand and steered the child toward the front door. Her steps faltered a bit and she glanced over her shoulder at Mark. "If you want to come in for a bit you can."

It wasn't the warmest of invitations but he wasn't going to be picky; he would take what he could get. Silently he followed them inside. The house looked the same as it always had, except there was a heavy sadness in the air, the same heavy sadness that swarmed his apartment. Would it ever lift? Would there ever come a day when it didn't hurt to be alive? God he hoped so. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this. Each day was a struggle to get out of bed. He forced himself to go to work, even though he wasn't ready to take on patients. It had to get better.

"Aunt Lexie and I made cookies last night. That's what we're going to have for snack. Do you want one?" Laura didn't wait for his answer, just pressed a medium sized chocolate chip cookie into his hand. "They're really yummy. Much better than Aunt Meredith's. She burns her's. Don't tell her I said that though cause it would make her sad."

He couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. The child looked like Meredith but the constant stream of words was all Lexie. "I won't tell," he promised. Laura smiled at him again before yelling to her aunt that she was going upstairs to play.

"What do you want Mark?" Lexie demanded the moment Laura was out of ear shot. With the little girl out of sight his sole attention was Lexie. She looked horrible. There were dark circles under her eyes and she had lost at least ten pounds, making her almost as slim as Meredith.

"I wanted to apologize," he answered.

She stared at him for a moment, the fingers on her left hand flexing and unflexing. "For what? Having sex with me and then telling me to get out? Or did Callie send you to apologize for killing my sister and her husband?"

So they knew. It was a bit of a relief. He wouldn't have to tell them. What wasn't a relief was the anger in Lexie's eyes. She had every right to be angry. He was angry himself. None of it made sense. He had a million questions about that night but knew he would never have the answers he wanted. Callie was too wrapped up in her own grief and denial to say anything. "Both," he responded. He couldn't bring himself to tell Lexie that Callie wasn't even aware of the connection between the couple she had killed and the Grey sisters.

"I...I...I'm...I can't do this!" Lexie dropped down into a nearby chair, her body hunching forward. A curtain of dark hair hid her face, but he knew she was crying from the gentle heave of her shoulders. "We were both messed up that night," she said at last. "I think its safe to say we both are sorry about what happened and how we behaved." She straightened enough to look up at him from bloodshot eyes. "I can't forgive Callie though. I just can't. She killed my sister, Mark. My baby sister and her husband."

"And my daughter," he reminded vehemently.

"Right! So...how can you stand there asking me to forgive her?" The confusion in Lexie's voice was heartbreaking. It was a pain Mark knew well. And it was because of that pain he couldn't answer her question. Not when it was one that had echoed in his mind since Arizona told him the content of the police report. How did he forgive the woman who killed his daughter? How did he learn to move on with his life?

"I'm not asking you to forgive her. I'm not sure I can forgive her. I just know that I'm sorry and I can't do this by myself. I can't get through this on my own Lexie." There. He had said. He couldn't do it on his own. He needed her. She needed him, too, even if she hadn't said it.

"You're not alone," she whispered. "You're not alone."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: This chapter was by far one of the most difficult things I have ever written. There is no way to imagine the magnitude of pain a parent goes through losing a child. Nor is there any possible way to properly express the guilt that must come with knowing you are responsible. I only hope I do this portion of the storyline, as well as Callie, justice. Again, I want to thank you for your continued support and steady stream of reviews. They mean the world to me. If you could keep them coming and tell a friend that would make this girl's day! _

Chapter Six__

_What am I leaving, when I'm done here? _

Before the accident Callie had assumed the hardest part of losing a child would be burying them. She was wrong. The hardest part was waking up each morning, knowing she was never going to see Sofia again, and that there was no one else to blame but herself. She tried to appease the guilt by pointing fingers at everyone around her but deep down she knew the truth. Sofia was dead because of her. It was impossible to look in a mirror. When she did all she seen was a killer. A murderer. Her stupidity had cost not only Sofia's life but the lives of Brian and Molly Thompson. If she lived to be a hundred those names would be forever engrained in her memory.

"You need to eat something," her mother fretted, reminding her that she wasn't alone and that there would be no self deprecating party. Her parents had shown up the day after the accident and refused to leave until they knew things were settled. Callie wanted to tell them what their definition of settled was. Was it Callie getting over her daughter's death? That would never happen. Was it when the district attorney made up her mind whether or not she was going to charge Callie with vehicular manslaughter? That could take months. There were a million other possibilities of what settled could mean and none of them had quick resolutions.

"I don't feel like eating," Callie muttered but accepted the plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast anyways. It was easier to appease her mother than argue with her.

"You need to eat. Keep up your strength. Starving yourself will do you no good."

What did her mother know about what was good or bad for Callie? The woman had spent most of Callie's childhood at the spa. And what reason, exactly, did Callie have for keeping her strength up. She was no longer chasing after an active toddler. And she didn't see the point in looking her best for the district attorney. Oh they might be biding their time but Callie knew they looked at her and seen the same thing she saw in the mirror: a killer. "What will do me good, mom? Tell me. What will do me good?"

Gloria Torres looked at her daughter with a mixture of sadness and anger. "For starters you can own up to your mistakes. All this finger pointing! You will never heal if you're not honest."

"Honest? You want honest? Fine. I'll give you honest. I was pissed off that Mark wouldn't take Sofie. I was even more pissed off that Arizona scheduled a surgery that could have waited until the morning." It felt good to say aloud what she had been thinking. Not good enough to relieve the guilty ache in her chest though. Nothing would take that away.

Her mother placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Calliope, we all get angry. There is no shame or guilt in that."

"What about being so pissed off I didn't think to check Sofia's carseat?" The question was barely a whisper. In the weeks since the accident she had kept that tiny but significant bit of information to herself. If she didn't admit it out loud it could remain her guilty secret. Only it wasn't a secret. Not really. It was in the police report. She, Calliope Torres, had failed to properly secure her thirteen month old daughter. The one time she failed as a parent it cost her daughter's life. Where was the fairness in that? Other parents failed miserably on a daily basis. She messed up one time and there was no chance of redemption.

"Callie," her mother gasped. Callie didn't have to look to know her mother's face was frozen in a mask of horror. She had seen the shock and accusation in Arizona's eyes, had heard the scorn in Mark's voice. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror. "Calliope Torres, you look at me when I am talking to you!"

Reluctantly, she forced herself to look up. There was shock, horror, and anger in her mother's eyes but there was also compassion and love. "It's my fault, mama," she choked out. "I killed Sofie." The comforting words her mother tried to offer fell on deaf ears. Nothing could change what she did. She couldn't claim ignorance since she had unbuckled the seat when she thought Sofia would be going home with Mark. She had let her anger cloud her judgment; not just with the carseat but with the red light as well. From the moment she signed Sofia out of daycare till she ran the red light she had run ten minutes behind. When you were trying to make the ferry ten minutes might as well be an hour. She had seen the light turn yellow, had known running it would be risky, but had done it anyways. All because she didn't want to wait an hour for the next ferry. Her impatience had not only killed her daughter, it had killed a young couple as well. Because of her a little girl would grow up without her parents. Nothing would change what she had done. And nothing would take away the guilt.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: I wrote the last chapter with mixed feelings. I felt that Callie's point of view needed to be expressed but at the same time I had no idea how to handle what she was going through. I only hope that my writing did not only the character justice but the situation as well. Poor Callie. She is eaten up with guilt and anger. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. I can't though. Life doesn't work that way and it would be unrealistic to make it all okay within a matter of two or three chapters. In light of that fact, I thought we could use a slightly humorous break. I say slightly because there is still a lot of hurt and healing that needs to occur. And, of course, there is always the chance that what I find humorous you guys might not. Without further adieu, here is the next chapter...(although I must say it isn't as good as I had hoped it would be)_

Chapter Seven

_So if you're asking me, I want you to know..._

Derek Shepherd had always figured he would have nine months to prepare himself for fatherhood. Nine months to formulate a game plan. Nine moths to accustom himself to sharing his wife. Fate had other plans. First there had been the miscarriage, followed by several unsuccessful rounds of fertility drugs. When it became painfully clear they weren't going to be able to conceive on their own they ventured down the path of adoption. The agents had been upfront: babies were few and far between. That was alright. They could use the time to plan for what life with a child would be like. One moment life was just the two of them, patiently waiting for the call letting them know there was a baby with their name on it, and the next they were picking up Meredith's orphaned niece. Nobody could prepare for something like that.

Prepared or not, it was a done deal. For three weeks he had tried, and failed, to fill Brian Thompson's shoes. Everything he did seemed to either anger the little girl or cause her to burst into tears. His only consolation was she did the same thing to Meredith. It wasn't too surprising considering they were basically strangers to Laura. As he struggled to come up with a valid excuse for why Laura couldn't wear her purple and lime green polka dot rain boots with her hot pink and black zebra dress he wondered if Briand and Molly Thompson had been insane. They couldn't have been thinking clearly when they chose a barely acknowledged half sister and her common law husband to raise their daughter.

"They look pretty together," Laura whined, reminding him yet again that he wasn't prepared. A prepared father would have had some savvy response for why little girls did not wear purple and lime green polka dot rain boots with hot pink and black zebra dresses.

"They are both very pretty Laura, but I'm not sure they're pretty together." Forcing a smile, he dug through the pile of tiny shoes Meredith had dumped out in the bottom of the closet. Jack pot! He found a pair of shiny black boots that he was pretty sure would match. "What about these?"

"No!" The high pitched shriek had Derek wincing and resisting the urge to cover his ears. A fit was about to ensue. He could see it coming. His youngest sister Amy had been notorious for her fits. The whole family could predict when one was coming. Her face became blotchy, much the way Laura's was, and she always yelled the word no, much like Laura had just done.

"Laura, listen to Uncle Derek. Those boots are very lovely and I am sure they would look grand with something...oh...I don't know...purple or lime green...but sweetie they do not match that dress." Why he was trying to reason with a four year old he had no idea. She clearly had the upper hand. It was like she could smell his inexperience. People always assumed that because he came from a large family he knew how to handle small children. Their assumptions were wrong. He could charm a toddler for an hour or so but anything beyond that and he was out of his element. "Would you like to change the dress? Maybe find something to match the boots?"

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "No!" One tiny foot stomped the ground. Once. Twice. The third time she decided to stick her lower lip out, probably hoping the effect would get him to cave.

"Why don't we find something else to wear today?" It was a trick he'd seen Meredith use the day before. If the current outfit wasn't working find one together that did.

"No," Laura whimpered. Tears started to pool in her gray-green eyes as she dropped to the floor. "I wanna wear mommy's favorite dress." Her lower lip started trembling as she let out a strangled sob. "I want my mommy!"

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, Derek crouched down in front of Laura. He scooped her into his arms, holding her close against his chest. Instantly her arms wound around his neck and she clung to him as though her life depended on it. Perhaps, in her mind, it did. He rose to his feet and carried down the hall to the master bedroom where Meredith was attempting to get ready for work. "She wants her m-o-m-m-y," he murmured as he gently transferred the child into her aunt's waiting arms. He was tempted to call Lexie but stopped himself. Laura had been left in Meredith and his care. They had to learn to comfort her on their own.

"You missing mommy," Meredith soothed. Laura nodded slightly before burying her face in Meredith's shoulder. "I miss her too. She was a good mommy, wasn't she?"

"The best mommy," Laura hiccupped.

"The best mommy," Meredith agreed. She met Derek's stare over the little girl's head. This was not how they planned on becoming parents, yet it was the lot they were given. Hard as it was he knew it would eventually get easier. Not just for them but for Laura as well. He understood her pain. He had been twelve when his father died. Ironically, it a car accident very similar to the one that had killed Laura's parents. He wondered if he should tell her that, wondered if it would make her feel better to know he understood. "Laura, sweetie," Meredith said softly. "I know its hard. My mommy is gone too and so is Uncle Derek's daddy. We miss them so much. We know they wouldn't us feeling sad all the time though just like your mommy and daddy don't want you to be sad."

"Daddy hates when I cry," sniffed Laura. She raised her head long enough to kiss Meredith's cheek. "He says princesses should never cry."

"I think daddy was right. You're too pretty of a princess to cry." Smoothing back tear dampened tendrils of hair, Meredith returned the kiss to the cheek. "So, Princess Laura, how about you let Sir Uncle Derek...who is a wonderful knight in shining whatever...take you back to your beautiful princess room and the two of you find the most perfect princess outfit ever!"

"Okay!" Laura squirmed until Meredith put her down. Without waiting for Derek she took of toward her room.

"I didn't know it was going to be this hard," Meredith whispered, her fingers curling into a knot on her lap. She shook her head and let out a sigh. "What are we doing Derek? I mean, really, what are we doing? Maybe there's a reason we haven't been able to have a baby or adopt. Maybe we're just not cut out to be parents. Maybe..."

Derek pressed his lips against her's. "Maybe you're doing the best you can given the circumstances," he suggested softly. "Maybe you need to give us all a little more time." He tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear, the pad of his thumb caressing her cheek. "You're going to be an amazing mother."

"I'm her aunt, Derek, not her mother," Meredith said stiffly. "She had a mother. An amazing mother. And I was too busy to get to know her. I didn't even try to know her."

"You thought you would have more time," was all Derek could think of to say. He loved Meredith more than he had ever thought himself capable of loving another person but there were certain things about her he did not understand. Her leeriness in forming an attachment to any of her relatives on her father's side was at the top of the list. His family had put the fun in dysfunctional. Both his parents had had affairs. His mother with her high school sweetheart, and his father with Mark's mother. He knew for a fact that his sister Katherine was not a Shepherd by birth and there were days he wanted to ask Mark if they could do a DNA test, see if his best friend that he loved as a brother really was his brother. If he could wade through that muck, he didn't understand why Meredith couldn't let down her guard just enough to know her family. Maybe losing Molly would open her eyes to how short life was and how much she was missing out.

"Time," she repeated. "Is there ever really more time?" She didn't wait for him to answer. She jumped to her feet and hurried through the motions of getting dress. Jeans. Long sleeved Harvard t shirt. Crazy looking toe socks and a pair of tennis shoes that had seen better days. The causal passerby would never guess that she was a first rate surgeon. That was his Meredith. Derek smiled gently and whispered an I love you before following the path Laura had taken.

"I found a princess outfit!" Laura announced proudly when he walked back into her room. She still wore the dress she had insisted on earlier but had exchanged the boots for a pair of black leggings and hit pink flats that were covered in glitter. One fist was closed around what looked like a giant bow and the other held a brush. "You can brush my hair and put my bow in Sir Knight in shining whatever!"

Biting back a laugh, Derek accepted the bow and brush. He had helped fix his sisters hair often enough to know what he needed to do. A dozen snarls and three screams later he had the wavy mass tamed and the bow secured. It was a little pathetic the sense of accomplishment he felt. He was a neurosurgeon for christ's sake. He saved lives. That was a reason to feel pride. And he did. There was something about getting Laura into an outfit that matched, her hair fixed, and a bow in it that made him want to shout to the world he was not a failure in the parenting department!


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Things are about to get a whole more complicated in this story. I want to say that I thought long and hard about the path we are about to go down. It wasn't a sudden decision, nor was it an easy one. Before I even started this story I forced myself to formulate the beginning and the end. The end surprised me a little. It contained a few things that I hadn't realized were possible. Yet, once those things wormed their way into my thoughts there was no getting rid of them. We are about to confront one of those things head on in this chapter. There will be portions of this chapter that will make you wonder about the direction I am taking, but by the end you will understand. This is just the beginning of the journey Mark and Lexie about to embark on. (Little side note, we are super close to 100 reviews! That is very exciting for me! I have such high hopes for this story and long to see it reach the same number of reviews as The Only Exception. And, for those of you patiently waiting for an Alex and Izzie chapter the next one is all their's and boy will it be worth the wait!) _

Chapter Seven

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done..._

The cool tile of the bathroom floor felt like heaven against Lexie's flaming hot cheek. With her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth moving in a silent prayer, she knew she looked as pathetic as she felt. If she just laid there long enough the second line in the results window would disappear. She knew such thoughts weren't logical but screw logic! Logic had told her Mark would make the pain go away. He hadn't. Logic had told her Mark was always careful when they made love. He wasn't. Clearly logic was not working for her. Time to try illogical. Not that she had much faith in that route either.

"What are you doing?"

Squinting one eye open, Lexie found Cristina standing over her. Fantastic. All she needed was Cristina to spot the pregnancy test on the back of the toilet and her humiliation would be complete. "Go away," she begged, knowing the request was probably useless. Cristina never did what Lexie wanted or needed. It was too much to hope that she would start now. "Just let me die in peace."

"You're not dying. Not yet anyways. Keep rolling around on that floor and you might though. Do you have any idea how disgusting a hospital bathroom floor is?" The revolt in Cristina's voice brought a slight smile to Lexie's lips. The floor was disgusting. There was an unidentifiable stickiness under her left leg and she was almost positive the yellow specks next to the toilet were drops of urine the housekeepers had forgotten. Any other time Lexie would have cared. She would have been properly disgusted. Having her world flipped upside down by a test that should have eased her fears, not turn them into reality, had her a little flustered.

"Go away," she repeated, hoping this time Cristina would take the hint. She knew it was her own fault that Cristina was even able to lecture her. Idiot that she was, she had forgotten to lock the door. It was pure luck that nobody had walked in while she was peeing on the stick. "I'm going to throw up again," she threatened when it became apparent that Cristina wasn't going anywhere. The threat wasn't an empty one. Her stomach was churning again. Gagging on the mixture of stomach acid and partially digested eggs that filled her mouth, Lexie scrambled into a kneeling position over the toilet.

"Not that I care but does the father know?"

Curling fingers around the toilet seat, Lexie let out a strangled sob. No, Mark didn't know. She hadn't wanted to say anything until she knew for sure. And now that she did...well she still wasn't sure if she should say anything to Mark. He was like the walking wounded. The pain in his eyes and voice were a thousand times greater than the pain Lexie felt over losing her sister. Part of her was afraid he had used up all his fatherly love on Sofia and there would be nothing left for the baby she carried. The rest of her was afraid he would love the baby too much, would look at them as a replacement for Sofia. Neither scenario was good. And, despite her uncertainty about motherhood, she wasn't the kind of woman who could get an abortion. "Please leave," she bit out through clenched teeth.

"I'm going to take that as a no." Crossing her arms, Cristina leaned against the sink and stared down at Lexie. "Since you're Meredith's little sister, I'm going to give you some advice. No matter what you decide to do, you need to tell the father. Let him have a say in the matter. Even if that say goes against your choice."

Lexie parted her lips to tell Cristina that she was keeping the baby but the other woman left before the words could be said. It was just as well. Despite the advice she had freely given, Cristina was Meredith's friend, not Lexie's. There would be no support from that corner. Tears welled in her eyes as she dwelled on how alone she was. If this had happened a few months ago she would have called Molly. She was just now beginning to realize how much she had leaned on her younger sister. She could probably talk to Meredith but it seemed a little cruel to tell her older sister she was accidentally pregnant when that sister couldn't have children. "It doesn't seem fair," she whispered, fighting back the urge to cry.

The bathroom door swung open again and, even before he said her name, she knew the man standing there was Mark. "Lexie?" He needed to leave. She wanted him to leave. No. That wasn't quite right. She didn't want him to leave, she needed him to. She wasn't ready for the talk they would have to have if he stayed. "Yang said you were sick."

"Go away," she muttered. She was sick alright. Nine months sick. "This is your fault." It was his fault. Mr. Careful had slacked on the job. She had done her part by religiously taking birth control pills. It was up to him to supply the condom. At least that was her illogical story and she was sticking to it.

"My fault?" The surprise in Mark's voice would have been laughable if the situation wasn't so terrible.

She wanted to make some flippant remark about him being a smart boy and to figure it out but she wasn't that quick-witted. Nor could she bring herself to joke about something so serious. "Think Mark. It's morning. I'm sick." That was as glib as she got.

It didn't take long for Mark to put together what she was saying. Nor did it take long for his gaze to fall on the test that lay on the back of the toilet. "I can't do this," he whispered hoarsely.

Dread filled her. She had been prepared for him to look at the baby as a replacement for Sofia and her having to remind him that one child couldn't replace the other. What she hadn't prepared herself for was him not wanting anything to do with the baby. Her lower lip started to tremble as she tried to digest his words. She inhaled deeply and silently prayed that God would give her wisdom over what to say. "I'm having this baby so at some point you're going to have to."

"I'm not doing this," he repeated, his fists clenching. "Not to Sofia. Not to Callie."

Sofia, she understood. It would feel like he was betraying the daughter he lost if he loved another child. Callie? That one she didn't understand. She's read the accident report. She knew who was responsible for Sofia, Molly, and Brian's deaths. Good ole Callie. "Sofia is gone Mark, she wouldn't..." the sharp look he sent her caused her voice to trail off. She re-gathered her resolve. She was not going to crumble. Not this time. It wasn't just her feelings at stake. "Fine. Go. Don't 'do this.' It's your loss." Trembling, she rose to her feet and went through the motions of throwing away the test, washing her hands, and drying them. When she turned around he was gone. Tears blurred her visions as she forced herself the exit the bathroom. Alone. Better get use to it, she thought miserably. She was well and thoroughly alone.

"I told him," she said weakly when she seen Cristina exiting a patient's room. "I guess I should have seen it coming, you know? He always chose Callie over me. Why should now be any different?"

"Because you're having his child," Cristina hissed, her jaw tight. "Rotten bastard."

Mark wasn't a bastard. Nor was he rotten. He was just...confused? Hurting? Lexie wish she knew. If she knew what she was up against then she could deal with it. _They_ could deal with it. She ignored the rest of what Cristina was saying and half-ran in the direction of the plastics department, certain that was where Mark would head. His office was his refuge. She was right. His office door was partially open. "You can do this," she whispered. Squaring her shoulders she pushed through the door and then slammed it shut. Before turning to face him she secured the lock. Nobody was coming in. Nobody was going out. Not until they talked.

"Not now, Lex," Mark murmured. He looked so desolate, sitting behind his desk with his head buried in his hands.

"Yes, now," she insisted. "You're hurting. I get that. Really, I do. I'm still hurting to. Do you know how badly I want to call Molly right now? But I can't. She's gone. And no amount of wishing otherwise is going to change that." It hurt to say the words. It made Molly's death that much more real. "I know you miss Sofia. I know you're always going to miss her."

"You don't know shit about how I feel," he snapped, not bothering to look at her. She visibly flinched, as though his words had physically hit her.

"You're right, I don't know what it's like to lose a child." She blinked back the tears that were gathering in her eyes. Her resolve to be strong was quickly fading. She wasn't a fighter. "I don't know why I even bothered telling you. I knew, deep down I knew, it would be like this. It's always like this." There was no stopping the tears. They pooled in her eyelashes and then streamed down her cheeks. "You always choose Callie," she whispered, knowing she shouldn't have said it. Mark was still one giant, open wound, and her words were like salt. His actions were like salt to her wounds though. Maybe it was time to just let go? To stop hurting the other? "You can keep choosing her. I'm done. Just forget I told you I was pregnant. When people ask I'll just...I'll tell them I got drunk and had a one night stand with a guy who isn't ready to be a father." Turning she wrapped her fingers around the doorknob. She had to get out of there. Every second spent in his presence, knowing he didn't care about the child they had created, was like drowning. This wasn't a rejection of her, but a rejection of their child. A baby that had done nothing. It hadn't asked to be created. It certainly wasn't asking to replace Sofia. Another bout of tears filled her eyes as she thought about the chubby cheeked little girl Mark use to carry around. He had been so proud of her, had been such a good father. The saddest part was he could be a good father again. If he wanted to.

"Lexie."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she fought against the warm rush of feelings that wrapped around her. She couldn't keep loving Mark. It wasn't good for her. It left her feeling rejected and not good enough. Those feelings were bad enough on their own, but now that she was pregnant they were worse. The best thing for everyone was if she just turned the doorknob and walked out. She needed to find Cristina, to find out which patients were going to be her's. Falling apart her first day back wasn't an option. "I have to go," she croaked out, unsure if the words were for her benefit or his. She felt his body press against her back, felt his fingers uncurl her's from the door knob. Gently, he turned her so they faced one another. He brushed a few tangled locks of hair off her face before resting his chin on top her head. Closing her eyes once more, she melted into his embrace.

"I never meant to choose Callie," he whispered against her hair. She let out a shuddering sob. "She just always seemed to need me."

"I need you," she whimpered. His arms tightened around her as she tried to pull back. "Let go!"

"No. You need to listen for once, Lexie. Really listen." His mouth grazed along her temple. Sweet, butterfly kisses that sent her pulse racing. "Our problems have never been about Callie. She never had the power to come between us." Lexie let out a little scoff. "She didn't, Lex. Maybe it felt that way but, trust me, she never had the power to come between us. Our problems mainly consisted of me wanting one thing and you wanting another. What part of that scenario has changed?"

If there was one thing Lexie had learned from her sister and brother in law's deaths it was that life was short. Nobody knew when their time was up. Being faced with that cold, hard reality had forced her to examine what she wanted out of life. What she wanted was the American Dream. A husband who loved her, children that were proud to call her mom, a house with a white picket fence, and a dog named Lucky. They weren't new dreams. She had always had them. They had just been put on the back burner. Getting through medical school, an internship, and establishing herself in the medical field had seemed more important. Now, those things were still important but they paled in comparison to striving for the American Dream. "Everything," she finally answered. "Everything has changed." She pushed against him until he was forced to let her go. "All I can think about is Molly and Brian were only twenty-four years old. Twenty four! People aren't suppose to die when they're twenty-four." Her mind instantly wandered to Sofia. Sweet, little Sofia with a whole life ahead of her. "They shouldn't die when they're only a year old either," she added softly. "Do you know, I use to think Molly and Brian were nuts for getting married so young. And then having a baby right away? It just seemed insane. I can't tell you how many times I told Molly they should wait. She refused to listen. Told me that there was more to life than a fancy education and a fancy job. I thought she was throwing her life away. Instead she was living it." She paused and took a deep breath. It felt good to say all the things she had longed to say. "I want people to be able to say that about me after I'm gone. If I died today or tomorrow all people could say about me is I was a good doctor. That isn't how I want to be remembered."

"You are a _great _doctor." An awkward silence filled the office. After all she had said, that was what he chose to focus on? In the past she would have thrown a minor hissy fit and demanded to know why he hadn't listened to her. Now all she could do was sigh. "You're a great doctor," he repeated. His fingers reached out to toy with a lock of her hair. "It isn't enough though, is it?" She shook her head. Maybe he had understood what she had said. "It feels wrong to think about the future when Sofia..." His words came to an abrupt halt. "I don't know how I'm suppose to move on from this. I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of limbo. I can't go back and change things but I can't seem to move forward either."

A fresh swell of tears burned her eyes. So that was it. He was stuck in limbo. It was a feeling she understood. She had been there after her mother died, and then again when Molly died. Finding out she was pregnant had given her a reason to move forward. Maybe it would be Mark's reason as well. "We're going to have a baby Mark. A little person we're responsible for. We have to move forward. If not for our own sakes, then for their's." Before she could lose her nerve she rose on her tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Her arms wrapped around him and she held tight. It seemed like forever before he returned the embrace. She buried her face against his chest, silently crying as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Everything would be alright. It had to be. They weren't responsible just for themselves anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: 100 reviews! 100 reviews! I know, I know, I am a silly goose for being so excited about something so trivial. I look at it as a sense of accomplishment. For me it means that I have written something substantial. What truly amazes me is we have that many reviews and we are only on chapter nine! (If you could see me you would see a silly blonde with her jaw dropped open!) Enough gushing! On to more important matters! What could be more important than thanking you for giving me 100 reviews? Why a chapter of nothing but Alex and Izzie of course! I have complete and total faith that this chapter alone will receive at least 15 reviews. Why am I thank confident? You'll see! *Evil Grin* Enjoy my dears! (Be forewarned it has some super mushy parts. I got a little carried away. Forgive me?) _

Chapter Nine

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed..._

A sense of uncertainty throbbed through Izzie as she stood before the mirror above her dresser. She barely recognized the woman staring back. When had she taken on the cool, out of reach air that clung to her reflection? A grapefruit sized lump formed in her throat as she picked up a wand of lip gloss. With great care she applied a thin layer of Apple Blossom red. It looked more dark pink than red but it added a cheery bit of color to her pale face. She forced her lips into a half smile as she turned to pick up the white sundress that lay across the foot of her bed. She had purchased the pretty eyelet number on a whim. Funny how that whim would now serve as her wedding dress. Even funnier that her second husband had also been her first. She bit back a giggle as she slid the dress over her head and smoothed it across her swollen belly. Her fingers lingered over the rounded cocoon where her son was nestled. There was no forcing the soft smile that spread across her face as she gently caressed his foot through the layers of fabric and skin. Two more months, she thought wistfully.

"I'm almost ready," she called when a soft knock on her bedroom door startled her from her maternal musings. She looked once more in the mirror. The aloofness still lingered but it was as prominent as it had been before. Izzie couldn't help but wonder if it had been thoughts of her son or thoughts of remarrying Alex that had brought about the change. Whichever it was she hoped the thoughts kept coming and that one day, when she looked in the mirror, the old Izzie would be there.

"Not bad doll face," Alex joked, his mouth twisted in a crooked grin that she couldn't help but share. She wondered if Alex knew what a great smile he had. It was one of those infectious kind that made you want to smile with him. From the moment she found out she was pregnant she had prayed that the baby would have his smile. And his eyes, nose, dimples. The list of his physical attributes went on and on. In short, she prayed their son looked just like him.

"Not bad? Whatever Evil Spawn. I look fabulous!" Tossing back a chunk of her wavy blonde hair she mimicked the sashay she use to strut on the catwalk during her modeling days. It didn't come as naturally as it use to; mostly because her pregnant belly through her balance off-kilter.

"Still conceited," he teased as he held the front door open. She rolled her eyes and ignored the remark. They continued their playful banter to the car and during the drive to the courthouse. The familiarity left a warm tingle racing up and down her spine. This was what she had missed the most. Would they be able to sustain this side of their relationship this time? Or would life get in the way again? No, she silently ordered, don't go there. Today was her wedding day. She wasn't going to let old doubts get in the way. Their first wedding, as well as their first marriage, had been tainted by cancer. The disease had effected more than just her health. It had eaten at her relationship with Alex. What should have been the happiest days of her life quickly became the most anxious. Had he married her because she was dying? Did he even love her, or was it all pity? There were more. Many, many more. Too many to list. She wasn't going to revisit them. They were best left in the past. This time she was going into the marriage with her eyes wide open: they were doing what was best for their son. Not the greatest basis for a marriage but it was a solid one and it was one they could build on.

Alex's hand grappled for her's as they stood waiting for the county clerk to type up a marriage license. Excitement pooled in her stomach. They hadn't gotten to do this the last time. She'd been too sick. Alex and Meredith had done all the foot work that time. She tightened her grip on his hand when the elderly clerk brought them the piece of paper that would tie them together as husband and wife. "Judge performs civil ceremonies in Court Room Three. I will call and let him know you're on your way," she wheezed. "Congratulations and good luck."

"I think she's as old as the courthouse," Alex whispered once they were out of earshot. Izzie couldn't help but laugh. Silently she agreed. The clerk had been old. Maybe not as old as the two hundred year old courthouse, but definitely old. "No backing out," he murmured when they stood outside court room three.

"No backing out," she whispered back. She had spent the last week sorting through the pros and cons of what they were about to do. While some of the cons were pretty big they didn't out weigh the pros. And while they said this marriage was for their son, for Izzie was also for herself too. For better or worse she loved Alex. For two years she had tried to stop and to no avail. There was no point in fighting it. Better to give in and try for a chance at happy, all the while establishing a stable, content home for her son.

Her heart pounded as the judge guided them through vows that were as old as time. She spoke them with more conviction than she had the last time. Before she hadn't realized she had a future. Now she did. From the serious tone of Alex's voice she wasn't the only one to feel that way. The pounding accelerated as the judge pronounced them man and wife and encouraged Alex to kiss the bride. Her eyes fluttered shut as her lips waited expectantly. A brief caressing of his lips across her's was it was, but it was enough to chase away any lingering doubts .

"We did it," she murmured after they had gone through the legalities. Her hand ached from signing Isobel Katherine Karev. It was a good ache, she decided.

"We did it," Alex echoed, holding open the passenger side car door. They would have to look into getting a more kid friendly vehicle, she realized once she was settled. Her car was on it's last leg and the back seat of his car was almost non-existent. Her's was the logical one to get rid of, even though his was probably worth more. That conversation could wait. They had two months before they had to worry, no point in dwelling on it on her wedding night. She glanced down at her stomach and felt the lump from earlier returning to her throat. Wedding night. They had never discussed the others expectations as far as the bedroom went. She knew Alex had physical needs. Their second attempt at a relationship had been purely physical. And before she got sick they had been pretty active in that department as well. Of course back then she had still had the body of an underwear model. And now...she gulped. Now her stomach resembled a basketball. Her feet were swollen. Her breasts were tender. She wasn't blind. She knew none of those things were the least bit attractive.

"You're quiet," he observed. She offered a weak smile. What if he didn't want her? What if his idea of marriage this time was different from her's? Maybe he only intended them to be roommates who co-parented. Her heart ached at the thought.

"Just thinking," she responded. "About tonight," she clarified when he shot her a questioning look. "We never did talk about...well...you know..." A bright red blush crept into her cheeks. "Just how _married_ are we going to be?"

She watched his fingers curl around the steering wheel and tighten. His hazel gaze stayed on the road until they hit a red light, then he turned it on her. He studied her for a moment before his lips curled into the cocky grin she loved hate. "The way I look at it we got cheated. You know, cause we couldn't have the kid the old fashioned way." She didn't bother pointing out that he hadn't been around when the baby was conceived. No reason to ruin the good vibes that were in the air. "So, I was thinking, we should make up for it."

"Make up for it," Izzie repeated, both brows shooting up. She tucked her lips between her teeth to keep from laughing when Alex nodded. "And how do you propose we do that?"

"By spending the next forty-eight hours naked and in bed."

Heat crept through her body at the thought. Almost immediately it was doused by cold reality. "I don't look the way I use to," she reluctantly admitted. "There's scars from all my surgeries and the stretch marks this kid is leaving...not a pretty sight." She hated telling him those things but he deserved to know what he was in for if he was serious about making the marriage a real one.

"Yeah, well I've gained about five pounds and have a scar from getting shot." The nonchalant come back was his way of saying it didn't matter. It should have relieved her fears but didn't. It was easy for him to dismiss what she said when he hadn't seen her naked. "Iz," he continued softly, "I don't care about scars or stretch marks. I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered in return. It felt like heaven to be able to tell him that again. Her body started to tremble as she let out a soft sob. Two years. They had lost two years. And for what? Foolish pride. First her's, and then his. The fact that they were getting a second chance was a miracle. "Ugh," she groaned. "I'm like a watering pot or something." Alex chuckled and shook his head as he pulled into their drive-way. She batted at a few lingering tears on her cheek before climbing out of the car. Come hell or high water there would be no more tears. Life was working out the way it should. That was cause to celebrate, not cry.

"I've waited two years to do this." The moment the front door shut Alex reached for the hem of her dress. Inch by inch he tugged it upward, exposing first her upper thighs, then her belly. She closed her eyes, unwilling to see his reaction. A shiver rippled through her body after the gown was completely removed. While her bra and panties matched there was nothing sexy about the plain, white cotton set. They had been bought with comfort, not seduction, in mind. "You're still amazing," he whispered, his mouth hovering next to her ear. The tip of his tongue traced the curve of her throat while one hand worked the back of her bra free.

"In a hurry?" Taking a step back she took a few calming breaths. It had been forever since she'd had sex. Two years to be exact. There had been offers but how did you go from making love to meaningless sex? She couldn't. Celibacy hadn't been intentional. She had just wanted a relationship first. Only it never happened. And now she knew why. Her heart had known there could be nobody but him. She didn't want to rush things. Nor did she want to make love on the floor or against a wall. She wanted the two of them, in bed, with the sheets tangled around their legs afterward. Smiling sweetly, she led the way to his bedroom, soon to be their's.

The sheets were cool against her bare back as he gently lowered her onto the mattress. She barely noticed. Passion raced through her veins as he gently tugged her panties down the length of her legs. "No fair! You're still fully clothed," Izzie protested.

"Hm. Gotta play fair, right?" Alex winked, his fingers deftly unbuttoning the dress shirt he had worn. He shrugged out of it and then reached to unbuckle his charcoal colored slacks. As he shoved the pants down his boxers went with them, leaving him as naked as she. Through hooded eyes she drank in the sight of him. Little about him had changed. Just the scar on his chest where a bullet had ripped through his flesh. She reached up to touch the puckered skin, her heart breaking for the pain he must have felt. He pulled her hand away and pressed a kiss against her palm before settling on his back. Her brow puckered in confusion and then relaxed in understanding as he pulled her on to his lap. Closing her eyes she lowered herself onto his shaft. Her lips parted as she relished the feel of his body stretching her's. God she had dreamed about this so many nights. If he knew how many times she had pleasured herself while thinking about him he would probably pass out from shock. No need to imagine tonight, though. Nor did she have to worry about taking things into her own hands. Tonight, she was back where she belonged: in her husband's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: There is something to be said about point of view and I'm not talking about the characters. You, dear readers, always amaze me with your different points of view. The last chapter especially brought out a myriad of points of view. I knew the chapter would receive a ton of reviews simply because it was Alex and Izzie. I also knew the sex scene (notice I did not call it making love) would stir up some controversy. How could it not? I say these next words with caution: there is something seriously wrong with them as a couple. They are going through the motions, doing what they think they are suppose to do. There is very little love involved. In short, it is obligation. I know hearing that bothers some of you but it shouldn't. You are going to get to see them fall in love with each other all over again. The seeds are there. They just have to be watered so they can blossom. Which they will. In time. This story is just beginning. There is so much ground that needs to be covered. And it will be covered. There will be plenty of romance between them. Izzie definitely needs to see some of that herself. And, let's face it, Alex needs to do a little wooing. So far all he has done is issue orders and play off her guilt over not telling him she was pregnant. Are those bad things? Yes and no. I won't go into a full explanation here because as Jenna so eloquently said this story is a puzzle with lots of zigzags and curves. Now on to the current chapter. It is going to be an uncomfortable one. Meredith. Lexie. Callie. Mark. Lexie's pregnancy. Need I say more? Nope. You can read it for yourself! (P.S. I apologize for taking so long! Life has been hectic.)_

Chapter Ten

_And don't resent me..._

According to Dr. Wyatt there were steps to grieving. And while Meredith wasn't an expert on the matter she knew enough to know accidental pregnancy after a drunk tryst with an ex-boyfriend was not one of the steps. Yet that was the route her darling little sister had taken. Unprotected, drunken sex with Mark Sloan. Given Mark's tendency to pro-create when he "forgot" a condom, Meredith would have thought him a bit more responsible. Only grief stricken people were seldom responsible. They were heart-broken and desperate for the pain to end. Remembering that was the only thing keeping Meredith from fully going off not only on Lexie but Mark as well.

"Hurry up," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest and impatiently tapping her foot as she waited for what had to be the slowest elevator on earth. To add to her annoyance a flock of wide eyed nurses piled out, whispering about it not being fair that yet another hottie was off the market. Not bothering to even wonder who the "hottie" was she stomped onto the waiting elevator and stabbed at the worn fourth floor button. It was only after the car started going up that she realized she wasn't alone. Leaning in the corner, chewing on a loaded roast beef sandwich was Alex. Normally she wouldn't notice the food or the way it seemed to be dribbling all over the place. In her present state of mind all she noticed was wrong doing and she couldn't stop her self from saying "You're dripping mayonnaise and tomato seeds all over."

"So sue me," Alex snickered after he finished chewing. She shot him a hard look before leaning in the opposite corner. He took another bite, chewed, and then dropped a bomb of his own that rivaled Lexie's revelation. "Iz and I got married."

Straightening, Meredith stared at him, her eyes widening in shock. "Seriously?"

"It's no big deal, Mere."

His cavalier attitude said more than his words. It was a big deal. A huge deal. It ranked up there with Lexie's accidental drunken pregnancy as far as big deal's went. "Are you insane? No. Wait. Don't answer that. I'm sure whatever you say is just going to piss me off more."

"I'm not insane Mere. I'm just trying to do the right thing for my kid. No big deal."

She was right. His words pissed her off even more. "No big deal? Marriage is no big deal?" Biting back a string of curses she clenched her fists. What was wrong with the people in her life? First Molly had lost her mind and named Meredith, a sister she barely knew, as guardian of her daughter. Then Lexie was ignorant enough to get pregnant by a man who was the walking definition of wounded. Now, her former roommate had the audacity to tell her he had married his pregnant ex-wife. Not for love, but because he was trying to do the right thing for his kid. Meredith had few memories of her parents together but what she did recall was bitter and violent. Thatcher had tried to do the right thing, too. In the end it had embittered him so much he severed all ties with his eldest child, became a drunk lout, and started a whole new family. Never-mind the emotional scarring being done to Meredith. "You...you...you've lost your mind Alex! Completely, and totally lost your mind. A child is no reason to get married!"

Alex stared at her for a second before exiting the elevator when it stopped on the third floor. It was hard to tell if her words bothered him. His situation with Izzie brought on a new worry where her sister was concerned. Lexie and Mark wouldn't fall into the trap of trying to do the right thing, would they? Her heart skipped a beat. Her sister was vulnerable and needy under the best of circumstances, combined with her grief, and now pregnancy, it made for an unpredictable state of mind. Mark was no better. He seemed to be wandering around in a perpetual state of pain, a lost, confused look on his face. Meredith could see them attempting to do the right thing and her niece or nephew's life ending up much like her own had been. Squaring back her shoulders, she made a mental note to drill it into Lexie's head that marriage to Mark was a bad, bad idea. A horrid idea, really.

"I didn't think you were coming," Lexie blurted out the moment Meredith stormed into the small waiting area of the obstetrics ward. Some of Meredith's anger depleted when she caught sight of the dark circles under Lexie's eyes. Her sister looked like shit. Guilt crept in as Meredith sank into the empty chair next to Lexie. She had been so wrapped up in getting Laura settled she had barely noticed the changes in Lexie. She should have. They lived under the same roof. She was an awful sister. Just awful!

"I told you I would," was all Meredith could think of to say. She bent her head and studied the purple sparkling laces Laura had talked her into. The little glints of glitter made her smile. Slowly but surely her niece was worming her way into her heart. It wasn't anything big, but rather the little things Laura did. Purple sparkle laces. Crayon drawings of herself, Meredith, Derek, and the cat she wanted them to buy her. Asking if Meredith and Derek were now her mommy and daddy. Oh how Meredith had wanted to tell her yes, but how could she? She wasn't Laura's mommy, and Derek wasn't her daddy. Molly and Brian had worn those monikers.

"I know." A weary silence permeated the air. It was obvious Lexie wanted to say something else. "I don't think Mark's coming," she whispered at last, her shoulders visibly dropping as she blinked back a sheen of tears. "He's not exactly thrilled about this baby."

"Give him time. He's dealing with a lot right now. I'm sure once he's come to terms..." Meredith let the rest of what she had been about to say trail off. Nobody ever really came to terms with the loss of a child. Her miscarriage still haunted her and she hadn't even known the child. How much greater was Mark's sense of loss? He had helped raise Sofia for a full year. "Maybe its better this way."

"I don't see how."

Biting her lip, Meredith tried to piece together the right thing to say. She wasn't sure what that was though. Did she encourage her sister to place hope in someone who might not ever follow through? Or did she squash what little hope her sister had? Neither option appealed to her. Lexie was going to end up hurt either way, so was her child. "I think what Mark needs right now is time and space," she said slowly. "Sofia hasn't even been gone two months Lexie. He isn't in a position to think about anything but how much he misses his daughter." She held up her hand when Lexie's lips parted. "Don't say this baby could be a replacement because they can't. Nobody can replace Sofia, just like nobody can replace Brian and Molly. Besides, would you really want Mark looking at this baby as a replacement? Don't you want him to love them for themselves?"

Anger flared up in Lexie's eyes. "You're doing a lot of assuming." She pressed her lips together in a thin white line. "I don't put words in your mouth, so please don't put them in mine."

Before Meredith could respond a nurse called her sister's name. They both rose. "I'm sorry," she murmured, grabbing her sister's shaking hand.

"You're forgiven," Lexie sniffled back. She blew at wayward lock of dark hair that stuck to her face and then scowled when it refused to budge. "I'm scared Mere. I don't think I can do this. Not by myself." She let out a shuddering breath. "I guess I'll have to figure out a way though, right?"

Mark Sloan was a dead man the next time Meredith seen him. The misery he had helped create was inexcusable. Yes, he had lost a daughter but Lexie had lost two people she loved as well. Both were messed up from grief. Yet Lexie was trying to forge her way forward. The least Mark could do was try. Instead he made himself scarce. When he should have been thinking about the future, about the child he was going to have, he was dwelling on the past. Meredith's thoughts skidded to a halt as she sucked in some air. She was thinking the things she had accused Lexie of thinking. No. That wasn't quite right. She hadn't wandered into the realm of her unborn niece or nephew taking Sofia's place. She had come close though. Perhaps she should talk to Derek, ask his advice, or better yet, ask him to speak to Mark, find out if he had any intentions of helping Lexie with this baby. No. Wait. She had promised herself she wasn't going to interfere. How could she not though? How could she stand by while her sister hurt and not say something? She couldn't. Something had to be said and she was most likely going to be the person to do it. She started to resign herself to the fact when she heard a gruff voice call her sister's name. They both turned around in time to see Mark hurrying toward them.

"Consult went over," he offered as an explanation when he reached them. He looked like hell and wore the expression of a man going to execution. He was there, though. That said more than any words or expressions.

"I think I'll wait out here," Meredith murmured. She almost changed her mind when Lexie sent her a pleading look. She shook her head. This was something between Mark and Lexie. They needed to start working together for the sake of their child. A troubled sigh breathed past her lips as she settled back into her former seat. It was impossible not to think of her sister and Mark in the same thoughts as Alex and Izzie. Both were in situations where they were expected to make decisions not only for themselves but for a child. Was it so wrong, if the two people involved were in agreement on why they were doing it, to get married for the sake of a child? If the two people involved went into it with the mindset that they were going to put their wants and desires aside for the child, could the marriage last? The answer kept coming back the same, no matter how she spun it, no matter how she reasoned with herself, marriage for any reason other than love was doom to fail.

"Dr. Grey?"

Her body stiffened as Callie's voice invaded her thoughts. She wasn't sure she could deal with Callie right now. It wasn't the uncomfortable nature of Mark and Lexie's predicament so much as the knowledge that Callie had driven the vehicle that hit Molly and Brian's car. Every time Meredith looked at Laura, or thought about Laura, she also thought about Callie. Callie who hadn't slowed down. Callie who had taken a four year old girl's parents. Callie who had killed Meredith and Lexie's sister. A hard knot formed in Meredith's chest as she tried to disassociate Callie from the accident. They were still co-workers. They still had to see one another. They had to at least be amicable. "Dr. Torres," she bit out.

"I've wanted to talk to you for a while now. To say..." Callie's face constricted. Her large dark eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "You have no idea how sorry I am. If I could go back, if I could re-do things, I would."

Meredith murmured something unintelligible as she dropped her gaze once more to her sparkling laces. Better to focus on something that brought her a sense of joy rather than think about her anger toward the woman standing before her.

"I know I have no right to ask but..."

Here it came. Could Meredith forgive her? The answer was still up in the air. They weren't talking about a broken toy or a hurt feeling. They were talking about a human life. Two human lives. Three, if Meredith added Sofia. Could Meredith forgive her for taking those lives? While there were some who probably thought the answer was simple it wasn't. It was one of those things that was definitely a messy shade of gray in a black and white world. "My niece is four years old. She doesn't seem to fully understand what death is because at least once a week she asks when her parents are coming back. And once a week I have to tell her they're not." The taste of bile filled Meredith's mouth as she grappled with what else she could say to make Callie understand that forgiveness wasn't an option at the moment.

"I'm sorry," Callie whispered. Without invitation or thought to whether or not she was wanted, she dropped into a chair across from Meredith's. "I just need to explain..." Meredith shook her head. Explanations had no place in what happened. The facts were cut and dry. Speeding. Running a red light. Careless actions that resulted in death. Also a rude awakening to how one careless decision could destroy lives. "Dr. Grey...Meredith...please."

"Callie, I can't. Alright? I just...I can't." Leaning her head back against the wall she fought for an explanation of her own. A way to gently tell Callie to go away, to let them mourn, grief, whatever, in peace. There was also worry over how Callie would react to Lexie's pregnancy. Meredith wasn't heartless. She knew that baby would be salt in an open wound for Callie. Better to leave the salt pouring until a later date when they were all feeling less volatile.

"Let me explain or forgive me?"

Squeezing her eyes shut, Meredith silently sent up a prayer to the God Laura believed in. She needed help. She needed guidance. "Both," she finally answered. "Right now the answer is both."

Callie nodded her head, her body slumping in the chair. Another sheen was gathering in her eyes. One by one tears slipped down her cheeks. "I can't forgive myself either," she whispered. "All I think about is that night. How I should have checked Sofia's carseat. How I should have slowed down. How I should have stopped."

Compassion pricked Meredith's heart. She hated it. She wasn't ready to feel anything toward Callie. She knew the other woman had lost her daughter, knew that had to be one of the worse pains a person could go through, but so was losing a parent. Losing both parents was devastating. Meredith liked to think that if not for Laura she could have forgiven Callie without a second thought. Every time she heard Laura asking where her parents were...all Meredith could think about was Callie and how if she had only done things differently Laura wouldn't have to ask that question. Things had played out the way they had played out though and there was no going back. Molly was gone. Brian was gone. Sofia was gone. Time would soften the pain but time would not fix everything. "Dr. Wyatt is a great listener," she suggested gently. It wasn't a blow off or a suggestion to leave. She just knew Callie would not get the sympathy she needed from her. And Callie needed a sympathetic ear. "She helped me deal with my mother's death and she's been a great help with Laura."

"Dr. Wyatt," Callie echoed. "The shrink?"

"The psychiatrist," Meredith corrected. Again, she silently urged Callie to leave. It would be better if she was gone when Mark and Lexie came out.

"You think I need mental help?" There was no ignoring the accusations in Callie's voice.

"I think you have suffered a big loss...just like my family has...and that talking to someone might help you...the way it's helped us."

Callie shook her head. "How has it helped you? You won't forgive me and you won't let me explain. Which is the whole point of counseling, right? Learning to forgive and to see the other side?"

The key word was learning. Meredith was learning, so was Derek, Lexie, and Laura. At the moment their focus wasn't on forgiving Callie though. It was forgiving Molly and Brian for dying. According to Dr. Wyatt Laura had a lot of pent up anger toward her parents for leaving her. Dealing with that anger was their first obligation. "You should talk to Dr. Wyatt," Meredith repeated, silently adding 'not me.'

"I don't need to talk to a shrink," Callie hissed. "I just...I need..." Her gaze darted to the right, toward the door Mark and Lexie had disappeared through. Meredith's gaze followed, her heart sinking. She had forgotten how quick the first visit was. In to give a history and then sent to lab for tests. "What's going on?" The question could have been directed toward any of them but she shot her gaze back toward Meredith. "What are they doing here?"

"I think that's a conversation you should have with Mark," Meredith whispered. She wanted to be anywhere but there. Only a coward would run and she was no coward.

Callie jumped to her feet and stood there, waiting for Mark and Lexie to come closer before asking anymore questions. "Is she pregnant?" she demanded, crossing her arms. She let out a gasp when Mark looked away. "She is! You bastard! Sofia hasn't even been gone two and a half months and you're already replacing her!" Her face turned an angry red as she stormed off in the direction of the elevators. It was clear from the look on Mark's face he was torn on whether he should stay or go. His eyes kept darting between the mother of the child he had lost and the mother of his unborn child. Meredith did not envy his decision. It was one that would result in someone getting hurt. She was selfish enough to hope it wouldn't be her sister.

"You should talk to her," Lexie said softly. "She needs to know you're not replacing Sofia." Mark nodded but made no move to go after Callie. He murmured something about time and cooling off. Meredith wasn't sure either would help Callie. The pain the other woman was feeling wasn't going to go away. She needed professional help. Callie hadn't wanted to hear it, Mark probably wouldn't either. That left Arizona. Maybe she would be able to get her wife to see reason. At least Meredith hoped so. Amongst all her anger towards Callie there was also compassion. The same compassion she had heard in her sister's voice. Maybe they had forgiven Callie more than they realized. And, Meredith silently whispered, maybe we need to tell her that.


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: Author's Note: Hm. Shall we start with the good or the bad? Since I like ending on a positive note I will start with the bad. The bad is a bit of a touchy subject because the last thing I want to do is offend anyone, so if I do please know I am truly sorry for any hurt feelings. So, here it is: The authors note is meant to respond to your reviews, not be reviewed. I am probably Alex and Izzie's number one fan. I have shipped them since the very first episode of Grey's Anatomy. As much as I love writing them there are times and there are stories (this one being one of them) where other characters are just as crucial. I understand the desire for more, more, more. Really, I do! It is why I choose to write fanfiction. Now, on to the good! We have several goods! The first being that Katherine Heigl herself said she misses Grey's Anatomy, Justin Chambers, Alex, and Izzie. She also said she would love to wear Izzie's scrubs again. HOPE, HOPE, HOPE! That is all that is going through my mind right now! REAL HONEST TO GOD HOPE! Now if we could just get Shonda to cooperate! EEEEKKKKKK! Okay. Calming down. The other good: this chapter is a crossroads chapter. The next three are really. In this chapter you get to see Alex tested, his emotions revealed, and some revelations made on his part. You also get to meet a new character that I think you will LOVE! (P.S. My medical knowledge is limited. I based events off my own experience and those of friends. So if things are not right on target please forgive me.)_

Chapter Eleven

_And when you're feeling empty..._

To a stranger, Alex Karev's life looked darn near perfect. He owned a nice house, had a beautiful wife, and in less than two weeks his first child would be born. There was even talk of looking into a family vehicle. Alex knew his life for what it was: a carefully, planned out facade meant to provide security for his son. The people closest to him, like Meredith, seen through the charade, and seemed to think it was their duty to remind him that marriages based on 'doing the right thing' never worked out. Normally he agreed. His and Izzie's circumstances were not normal though. There were real feelings between them, even if they did their best to keep them in check. There was also a mutual understanding of how their marriage would work. They would sleep together, have sex with only each other, and split the parenting and household duties down the middle. The inside of the house was Izzie's domain, while the outside was his. It wasn't too different from what Meredith had with Derek. Maybe they weren't as emotionally involved as Meredith and Derek, or as they had been in their previous marriage, but that was okay. It was great even. Less chance of getting hurt that way. Of course, there were days when just being near Izzie was painful. Today was definitely one of those days.

It had started out the way most of their days started out. The first alarm would go off and they would have sex. The second alarm would go off and Alex would head to the shower while Izzie cooked breakfast. Since she was on leave and it was one of his rare days off they were able to sit at the round wrought iron table on the front porch and enjoy the sunrise together. There was nothing special about their conversation. Just more playful bickering about the baby's name. She wanted Austin, he wanted James. Usually she would change the subject, making him wonder why she had even bothered asking his opinion if she was going to name the kid whatever she wanted, and then she surprised. Instead of changing the subject she suggested they name him James Austin, that way both the names they liked were included. His heart had constricted. It had been on the tip of his tongue to tell her he loved that she cared enough about his feelings to use the name he wanted. Oh they said the words at the appropriate times but there was little emotion behind them. He wanted to pull her in his arms, tell her that he was insanely in love with her, and that he was sick to death of the farce. He didn't though. To do so would risk her telling him things were fine the way they were and she couldn't give him anymore than that.

Biting back a curse, Alex silently told himself to forget about rekindling the craziness that had been his former relationship with Izzie. Things never worked out when they let emotions rule. Inevitably one of them always ended up hurting the other. He couldn't risk that. There was too much at stake this time. He wanted his son to grow up in a normal, two parent home. In order for that to happen they had to remain on a friendly level. Friends with benefits who lived together and raised their child together. It wasn't such a bad life. Except on days like today when he remembered how great it use to be. How much passion use to spark between them. There use to be enough heat between the two of them to set a forest on fire. Now he was lucky if things sizzled a little. He knew it couldn't be great for her either. Something had to give. Except, he reminded himself, it couldn't. James' future was the most important thing. James. Thinking of his son was just the thing he needed to get his mind off his sexual frustrations. For the most part they had everything ready. The nursery was set up. The closet and dresser were full of tiny clothes. The changing table was equipped with enough diapers, wipes, creams, and lotions for ten babies. The diaper bag and Izzie's overnight bag were both packed. They had even gone as far as installing the carseat in his car. All they were lacking was James himself. With the due date only a week and a half away Alex knew it was only a matter of time.

"Be nice if he decided today was the day," he muttered as he dragged the lawn mower from the garage. Another item Meredith had sent with him when he moved. He had a feeling Derek had been behind it. Whatever. He was grateful. It was just too bad the darn thing couldn't mow the lawn on its own. Bending to reach for the start string he paused, his brow wrinkling as the glass storm door banged against one of the potted plants Izzie had positioned on either side of the entrance. A quick glance in that direction had him straightening and putting his fists on his hips. With one brow raised he watched as Izzie carried what looked like her overnight bag and the diaper bag to the car. She opened the trunk, put them in, and slammed the trunk shut. Without looking in his direction she marched back into the house, leaving the door wide open. A few moments later, she reappeared with the little Coach wristlet she used as a wallet and her make up bag. She tucked it under her arm before striding towards him, her steps fast and stiff. His brow arched even higher as she moved him out of the way and started pushing the lawn mower back toward the garage. "Iz, what are you doing?"

"Gimme a second," she grunted. Shock kept him from telling her to let him manage the lawn mower. The Izzie pushing the mower was one he didn't know. She wasn't the old Izzie, and she wasn't the new Izzie. Maybe, he thought, this is another new Izzie. He wasn't sure he could handle having her switch things up on him again. Blinking as the garage door was slammed shut, he shook his head. He started toward her. She waited by the car, the keys held out. "You're driving," she said, pressing the keys into his palm.

"And where am I driving too?" Alex couldn't help but stare at her, bewilderment coloring his cheeks a faint red.

"The hospital," Izzie explained, opening the passenger side door. She waited until she was seated and had her seat belt on before looking up at him. "Alex, my contractions are fifteen minutes apart and as much as I trust your doctoring skills I'm not real keen on the idea of having this baby at home."

Her words took a moment to sink in. Panic quickly followed. "The bags!" He barely took a step before she reminded him that she had already put the bags in the car. "Insurance cards." She held up her wristlet. "The mower..." He spun around and then remembered she had taken care of that too. He felt completely useless. Izzie had taken care of everything as far as the baby was concerned. Including conception. Oh sure his sperm had fertilized the eggs, ensuring that they became embryos before being frozen, but he hadn't been a part of the decision to use them. She had bought most of the clothes and nursery items before they got back together, so he hadn't had any say in those things either. All she had done was let him pick the first name and now she was letting him chauffer her to the hospital. Useless, he thought sadly. He was useless.

Three hours later Alex still felt like he useless. Since Izzie had gone through a fertility doctor that was affiliated with Tacoma that was where the baby would be born. He knew none of the doctors or nurses, and they didn't know him. They looked at him as though he were in the way. A few even gave him nasty looks. He could have dealt with that if Izzie had spoken up and told them she wanted him by her side, not some gum chewing, bubble popping nurse named Lily. It was tempting to walk out, to say to hell with doing the right thing. He doubted Izzie would notice. She seemed to have everything under control. Why had she married him if she wasn't going to let him do his job as a husband and father? Sure he had laid the pressure on pretty thick, had played off her guilt, but ultimately it had been her choice. He hadn't made her say any vows. He hadn't forced her to have mediocre sex. He hadn't strong armed her into saying she still loved him. Those were all things she had decided on.

"Alex?" The uncertainty in her voice cut through his jumbled up thoughts. He stared at her, a bit shocked by how awful she looked. There were dark circles under her watery eyes that hadn't been there before. The color had leached from her face, leaving her as white as the sheet they had draped over her lower body. "I don't think I can do this," she whispered, her lashes blinking rapidly as a tear streamed down her cheek.

"Iz, you're one of the strongest people I know. You're a fighter, not a quitter." Finally. She had finally given him a reason to be there. Shown him that she needed him. Mindless of the annoyed nurses he sat on the edge of the hospital bed, automatically reaching for her hand. His fingers intertwined with her's. "You did this when you were sixteen," he whispered, unsure if any of the people in the room knew about Hannah.

"I was drugged out of my mind," she whispered back. Her lower lip started to tremble and her grip tightened as the lines on the monitor shot up, indicating another contraction. "God, I hate this part! I want a c-section, Alex. Make them give me a c-section. Tell them to just cut this baby out!"

He let out a low chuckle. "Can't do that."

"Yes you can," she insisted, tilting her head back against the pillow. Her dark gaze shifted from the ceiling to his face. "And if they won't do it take me to Seattle Grace. I know if I ask nicely Cristina will..." He cut her off by shaking his head. "Please, Alex! I'm no good at this part. I cry and I say horrible things. I don't want to say anything horrible to you." Crocodile sized tears filled her eyes, as she whispered that she was afraid he would leave, that he would realize he liked his life better without her. "I know I'm not a good wife," she hiccupped.

"You're a great wife," Alex protested. Where was all this coming from? Maybe their first marriage had been a disaster but that had been just as much his fault as her's. And maybe their current marriage was overly polite but that didn't mean she was a bad wife. It meant she was trying as hard as he was to make sure their son had a solid future.

"No I'm not," she whimpered. "I know you're not happy. I know you only asked me to marry you because of James. I should have said no. I should have just told you we would figure it out. I was just...selfish. I missed you so much and I just thought if I was a good enough wife you would love me like you use to."

The words seemed to keep pouring out of her mouth, some intercepted by contractions or nurses asking if she was alright. They were staring at him with accusations in their eyes. Big bad Alex who had made sweet, kind Izzie cry. Again. No doubt they all knew the troubled history between him and Iz. Well screw them. Judgmental bitches. They didn't know shit. They didn't know that he loved her so much it threatened to consume him. They didn't know that it was living hell to hold her, to have sex with her, and hold back. They had no fucking idea what she meant to him! Neither did she. "I love you," he whispered hoarsely, squeezing her hand tighter. "You are everything to me. Do you know how empty life was without it? It was a big empty void. I woke up. I went to work. I tried to replace you. Probably more times than I should have. Nothing ever got rid of you though. You were always there. Always!"

"I need to check her again," the gum chewing nurse named Lily interrupted. A few minutes later she announced that Izzie had dilated to a ten. "I'll have Dr. Garvin paged. Let him know it's time."

Funny how his wish that James would choose to arrive would be granted. Now that the time was drawing nearer Alex wasn't so sure he was ready to be a father. What did he know about being a dad? His father had been a drug addicted drunk who liked to punch women and play guitars. Not the best role model. Maybe that was the key. Be everything his father hadn't been. Wasn't that why he had been so insistent about remarrying Izzie, to give James the home he had never had? No, that wasn't quite right. That might have been the reason he gave her but his reasons for marrying her had been love and nothing else. "I love," he murmured, his lips close to her ear. "I love you and I'm going to prove that to you somehow." His fingers shook slightly as he brushed a sweat dampened lock of hair off her forehead.

Her eyes squeezed shut as she pressed her lips into a thin line. He hated seeing her in pain, knowing there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do is be thankful Izzie wasn't one of those women who ended up in labor for a ridiculously long time. "I'm glad you're here," whimpered Izzie. He leaned forward enough to press a kiss against her temple. He was glad he was there too. It was where he belonged.

A lifetime seemed to pass before the doctor arrived. Once the little man with the balding head made his entry things seemed to explode into action. Orders were barked out. Several of the nurses that had disappeared earlier re-appeared. This time they paid little attention to Alex and focused their energy on getting things ready for the baby. At exactly four seventeen in the afternoon James Austin Karev let out his first angry cry. Even if Alex hadn't already known, there would be no denying his son. From his nose to the shape of his ears, even his crooked pinky toe on his right foot, all of it was a mirror image of Alex's own nose, ears, and crooked right pinky toe. A lump of emotion formed in his throat as Lily asked if he would like to hold his son. Words refused to form on his lips so he nodded. Gently he cradled his son in the crook of his arm. For the first time in his life he felt as though he were a part of something worthwhile. He had helped create another human being. And he had done it out of love.

"He's perfect," Izzie murmured, reminding him that he hadn't been alone in creating perfection. A lazy smile tipped the corners of her lips as Alex placed their son in her waiting arms. "I can't believe he's here. I was always afraid something would go wrong, you know?" Tears swelled in her eyes as she shifted her gaze from the baby's face to Alex's. "Thank you. I wouldn't have him if it wasn't for you." It was agony watching first one, then another, tear wide its way down her cheek. "You...you thought about this future when I didn't think I had one."

Alex shook his head. It had been Meredith's idea, not his. "Meredith..."

Shaking her head, Izzie softly told him to stop belittling his part. "Meredith might have encouraged me to have my eggs harvested but you made _him _possible. You could have told Webber to shove it when he asked..." her voice trailed off and her dark eyes refocused on the baby. "You thought about our future," she whispered. "You thought about this moment. Don't say you didn't Alex. You had to of. You had to of thought about you, and me, and _our _baby."

She was right. Alex had thought about those things. It was what got him through all her treatments and surgeries. It was the driving force behind his support. When it had looked like things were going downhill fast he would think about the frozen embryos, the little lives they had created, and how those lives deserved to know their mother. It during one of her surgeries he thought of James. At the time it had been a random name for a child that would probably never exist. While he had waited for Shepherd to walk out of the O.R. and announce that the surgery had been a success, he had dreamed about an impossible future where they used the embryos and had a little boy they named James. It was a little embarrassing to admit that it became a habit. Things would get rough and he would dream up another moment with James. Now, the dream was a reality. He would have to tell Izzie about the little daydreams, about why he had fought so hard for the name James. He had a feeling she would understand. The tricky part would be getting her to understand how much he loved her. He would do it. Somehow, he would make his wife realize he was madly in love with her and it had been that soul consuming love that had motivated him to ask her to remarry him, not the beautiful baby boy nestled in her arms.


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: I am writing this before I read any reviews. Mostly because I don't want my thoughts to be anything but my own. The last chapter was a labor of love, no pun intended. I poured out everything I ever thought Alex might have felt when it came to those embryos. I truly believe he did what he did out of love. And I like to think that during Izzie's surgeries he envisioned what their future could be. I also like to think that Callie isn't as selfish as she comes across on the show. This chapter is going to explore that thought, and reveal a rather startling crossroad! Just as startling will be the crossroad Meredith faces in the next chapter, as well as the one Lexie faces in the chapter after that. I am going to ask nicely that you please, pretty please, do not beg me for more Alex and Izzie until after these next three chapters. It isn't going to happen. Begging will lead to disappointment on your end and sadness on mine. So let's all be happy, positive, and enjoy the whole story! (Timeline reminder: it has been roughly three months since the accident. One day since James was born.) _

_Side Note: A little disappointed in the lack of reviews the last chapter had. Hope this one gets a few more! _

Chapter Twelve

_"Keep me in your memory..." _

Some well meaning person had hugged Callie the day of Sofia's funeral and whispered it would get better. That person was a liar. It wasn't getting better. Day by day the pain grew more intense. There would be fleeting moments would she would get wrapped up in something and forget, and then the distraction would end and she was left, yet again, with the harsh reality that her daughter was gone. Even worse were the moments when she was blatantly reminded of the loss. Passing a family with a daughter the same age Sofia had been. Spotting an outfit or toy Sofia would have loved. Finding hidden pacifiers or socks in the couch cushions. A reminder that Sofia's well baby check up needed to be scheduled. Everyday there was something to remind her. And with each reminder the searing ache scorched through her soul. Her only consolation had been knowing Mark was in the same agony. It was a twisted bit of comfort, knowing another person missed Sofia as much as she did. Only, she thought bitterly, he didn't. He was too busy screwing Lexie Grey and replacing their daughter to miss her.

"Sorry, rotten bastard," Callie hissed as she quickly gathered any personal item that was left in her employee locker. If losing Sofia and having Mark betray her wasn't enough Dr. Webber had called her into his office. The board, as well as him personally, felt she needed to undergo extensive psychological treatment before returning to work. When she asked if she was being fired they had 'reassured her' by saying no, they just felt she needed counseling so she could start dealing with her loss. She had tried telling them she was dealing with it, that she didn't need a counselor telling her how to properly mourn and remember her daughter. The pity in Dr. Webber's eyes was something she would never forget. Nor would she forget the way Dr. Derek Shepherd refused to look at her. "He's a sorry, rotten bastard too," she muttered, balling up a long sleeved purple top that was too big for her now. That was the plus side of grief. She was too busy missing her daughter to eat. She had lost a grand total of sixty-five pounds in the three months since Sofia's death. A dangerous amount to lose in so quick of a timeframe but what did it matter? It wasn't like anyone cared about her well being. Her job wanted her gone, Arizona was emotionally unavailable to lean on, Mark was busy having more babies, and her parents had gone home. So much for all the promises they had all made. So much for their support.

"Dr. Torres, is everything alright?"

Callie ignored the softly spoken question. If the moron asking couldn't see that things were not alright then they didn't deserve an answer. She slammed the now empty locker shut, snatched up the overflowing box of junk she had accumulated, and stormed past wide eyed former co-workers. If her arms hadn't been full she would have flipped them all the bird. So long Seattle Grace. Fuck you heartless bastards. That was how she felt. They were robbing her of the one good thing she had left in her life: her job. She knew who was behind it. The way Derek Shepherd had refused to look at her said it all. He had gone to the board on behalf of his wife and sister-in-law and pled their case. Callie could almost hear him saying it wasn't fair that Meredith and Lexie had to see their sister and brother-in-law's killer every single day. Well, it wasn't fair that Callie had to look at herself in the mirror and know she was a killer every single day but that was her reality and there was no escaping her own reflection.

"Hey, lady!" Callie's quick strides faltered as a tiny, little girl voice burst through her angry haze. Her motherly instincts made her stop and wait for the child to catch up with her. Her breath caught in her throat as the little girl skidded to a stop in front of her. Whoever she was she was beautiful. Her golden hair was long and wavy, held off her angelic face with a sparkling rhinestone clipped shaped like a butterfly. The clip, as well as the gray-green eyes looked familiar. "You dropped this!" Tiny hands held up a framed picture of Mark, Arizona, Callie, and Sofia the day the Sofia had been born. "Is this your family?"

"Sort of," Callie whispered, her voice thick with emotion. She lowered the box enough for the little girl to gently place it on top of her lab coat and a few other items she kept in her locker.

"I know him," the little girl announced, dragging the box down enough to point to Mark's image. "His little girl died the same night my parents died." A cold chill swept through Callie's body. The little girl standing before her was Laura Thompson. "I told him I was gonna ask God to have my parents take care of her." The cold chill grew even colder as a sob caught in Callie's throat. Her fingers grew lax and the box she had been carrying dropped to the floor. "Uh oh! You dropped your box! Want me to help pick it all up? I'm a fast cleaner! My Aunt Meredith said I'm the fastest cleaning four year old she knows. She also says I talk a lot but I can't help it! I have a lot of things I want to say and how am I gonna say them if I don't talk?"

"I don't know," Callie answered in a voice thick with emotion. All her anger from earlier slowly sloughed off, leaving her empty and aching.

"Me either!" Laura cried, shaking her tiny head. "Hey, lady, you look like you're going to cry. Was his little girl your little girl?" Nodding her head slowly, Callie reached up with trembling fingers to touch her cheek. It was damp with tears. "Oh," whispered the littler girl. She tucked her lower lip between her small, white teeth and scuffed her foot across the floor. "You were driving the car that hit our car." Oh God. No. Not this. She could take being confronted by Meredith or Lexie but not this little girl! Please God, no! "I have bad dreams sometimes and Aunt Lexie has to sleep with me. Do you have bad dreams?"

"Yes," whispered Callie. Again she thought about what the well meaning person had whispered to her at Sofia's funeral. And again she couldn't help but think they were wrong. Life was getting worse by the moment.

"Sometimes I forget that my mommy and daddy are dead." Tears started to fill the gray-green eyes. "Are you sorry?"

Blinking Callie stared at the little in confusion. The child was wise beyond her years because she picked up on it and asked if Callie was sorry for the accident that killed her daughter and Laura's parents. "Very sorry," she half sobbed.

"Me too." A waterfall of golden waves hid Laura's face as she ducked her head to concentrate on swiping her foot across the tile. The lights overhead caught in her hair clip, as well as the stones on her silver, gladiator sandals, casting tiny rainbows across the stark hallway wall. "I got mad and kicked the back of daddy's seat. He looked at me and said stopped. Then the cars hit each other. I think it shouldn't have kicked. Maybe then he would have seen your car."

Balling up her fist, Callie pressed it against her mouth. For months this little girl had been carrying that around. Thinking her actions had caused the wreck. "It wasn't your fault, Laura," she blurted out, dropping down to kneel in front of the little girl. "You shouldn't have kicked your daddy's seat but that wasn't what caused the wreck."

"Laura!" Mark's anxious voice cut off anything else Callie might have said. Chest heaving and face red, the father of her deceased daughter came racing toward them. "Laura!"

"Hi," greeted the little girl. Her sorrow filled eyes lit up as Mark drew closer. She held her arms up, certain he would pick her up. Callie was just as certain he would too. He had been an amazing father. Always patient, always knowing the right thing to say or do.

"You can't wander around," Mark scolded, scooping the waiting girl into his arms. "You about gave me a heart attack, taking off like that." He pressed the small body close, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry Uncle Mark." Laura whispered, her lower lip trembling slightly as she buried her face in his neck. The Uncle Mark flared Callie's resentment once again. Of course Laura was calling him Uncle Mark, he was having a baby with her Aunt Lexie. It seemed that all was well in Mark's world. A whole new family more than willing to welcome with open arms. "I just wanted to go for a walk."

"Ask next time." His large hand smoothed down some of the stray locks of hair that were sticking out on the back of Laura's head. How many times had Callie watched him do the same thing to Sofia? It should be their daughter he was holding, not Laura Thompson. She couldn't begrudge the little girl the comfort though, not after what the child had been through.

"I will," Laura promised. She hugged his neck one more time before wiggling and begging to be set down. The moment her feet hit the ground she crouched to pick up the various items that had fallen from Callie's box. Watching as the child gently placed each item back into the container, Callie couldn't help but wonder if Sofia would have been as considerate and kind as Laura was. She would like to think so. Arizona, Mark, and she had tried being good parents. It wasn't fair that she would never know what sort of person her daughter would have grown up to be.

"So you're Uncle Mark now," she heard herself taunt. Inwardly she winced. What was wrong with her? Why had she said that? Surely she wasn't so wrapped up in her grief that was going to begrudge a little girl who had lost both parents another caring adult in her life. Surely she hadn't sunk that far down. "I'm sorry," she added hastily. The damage was already done though. The weary guard was back in Mark's eyes.

"Derek introduced me as her Uncle Mark. I'm not going to correct him." Mark answer lowly, barely contained anger tainting his gruff voice.

"Right. Why would you. After all you're having a baby with her aunt. Makes you uncle by proxy, right?" Again the words slipped out before she could contain them. Closing her eyes, she wished herself away. Someplace warm, with sandy beaches where waves crashed against the shore. Someplace where she didn't feel like everything she said was wrong or that people were looking at her with disgust in their eyes. Maybe she would call Addison. Maybe she would make good on her promise to see California. Addison had offered at the funeral. She had taken her aside and said if Callie needed to get away she was welcome to come visit. Maybe now was the time to hold her friend to that promise.

"I'm not going to apologize for getting Lexie pregnant," Mark whispered furiously. He dug his fingers into his close cropped gray and blonde hair and let out a growl. "I love her. You know that."

He was right. Callie had always been aware of Mark's feelings toward Lexie. What she hadn't been aware of was her own jealousy toward the other woman. What did Lexie Grey have that she didn't? Why did Mark love her, and not Callie? Inwardly she gasped. Where had that thought come from? She wasn't in love with Mark, she knew that as well as she knew the back of her hand. Yet, she had wanted him to love her. What kind of person did that make her? An awful one, she thought with disgust. An awful, rotten, selfish person. "I'm leaving," she announced softly, not just to him but to herself. "I think it would be best for everyone. I...I need to adjust and come to terms with Sofia's death and I need to forgive myself. I can't do that here. People won't let me."

"I forgive you," Laura interjected, her childish voice whispering like a gentle breeze against Callie's aching soul. "My Aunt Meredith and Aunt Lexie do too. I heard them talking bout it last night. They just miss my mommy and daddy too. Like you miss your little girl. They're all together though, member?"

Tears started to burn the backs of Callie's eyes. Shit. She was so tired of crying. Sofia deserved to be mourned, and Callie didn't begrudge her dear, sweet angel baby any of her years but damn it she wanted the hallow ache to go away! She wanted to stop feeling like she was on the verge of a break down. "You have no idea how much that means to me," she whispered, reaching out to tuck a lock of golden hair behind Laura's ear. If she had known the child better she would have hugged her. If the girl had been older she would have explained why her words meant so much. There was no doubt that she was telling the truth. A child who would pick up after a person they did not know just because it was the nice thing to do would not lie.

"You don't have to leave," she heard Mark say as she gathered up her box. Yes, she did. It was the only way she was going to heal. Whether Lexie and Meredith had truly forgiven her didn't seem to matter anymore. She hadn't forgiven herself. She wasn't going to be able to in Seattle. Blinking back tears, she juggled the box in one arm as she fumbled with her cell phone. It was time to take Addison up on her offer.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: One of the greatest things about writing is reader feedback. If you are a fellow writer you know how crucial it is to know if your thoughts were clearly conveyed. For those of you who are not writers, it is difficult to know where to improve and where to leave well enough alone when there is no feedback. I truly feel blessed with wonderful readers who not only take the time to read but you take the time to tell me you enjoyed the chapter. Several of you even take it a step further and tell me why you liked the chapter, or why you didn't like the chapter. All of these reviews help me grow! It gives me an indicator of whether or not I am making sense, as well as if you are enjoying the story! So, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must thank you! Thank you for your time and for the reviews! They are greatly appreciated and do give me much to think about when I am writing! I would like to take a moment to address a question someone asked about why I thought Callie wasn't as selfish as she seems on the show. It is because I can somewhat relate to why Callie is the way she is. When you grow up being given everything you want you develop the mindset that is how life is suppose to be. You want, therefore you get it. If someone points it out you are horrified and rectify the situation. However, if nobody says anything you are oblivious and just go about business as usual. Unfortunately this can and often does come across as selfish. I suppose in a way it is. It isn't a conscious decision though. I also want to address the issue of killing off Sofia. It was a very, very difficult decision. I did not make it so I could have Mark and Lexie reunite in a less complicated manner. If anything it complicates things further. I more I would like to say but this is already an epic long author's note and I don't want to bore you with my ramblings any longer. Especially when Meredith and Derek are about to encounter a huge crossroad that effects not only their life, but Laura's as well. We get to see them in a whole new role: full blown parenthood. Before you read this chapter I only know a little about how adoption works. Several friends have either been adopted or adopted a child themselves. It is from their stories and experiences that I draw inspiration for the storyline that starts in this chapter. I also feel the need to point out that in most States babies and toddlers whose parents rights have been severed are usually put up for adoption right away. Statistics have proven that the longer they wait, the harder it is. Not for adjustment purposes but because people want infants. I do not know much about the laws in Washington so I loosely based them off the ones in my State. Please forgive any errors. _

Chapter Thirteen

_"Leave out all the rest..." _

Daddy. The word echoed in Derek's head as he mindlessly wandered out of Laura's quiet bedroom. He replayed the moments before he tucked her in for her nap over and over again. A story. A hug. A sleep well, followed by another hug. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until he pulled the pastel paisley print comforter up around her shoulders and whispered 'I love you.' She had cocked one gray-green eye open and whispered 'I love you too, daddy.' Daddy. Over and over again it replayed. A broken record in his mind. It had been a slip of her childish tongue. She hadn't meant to call him daddy. She couldn't have. Brian Thompson had been her father, not Derek, just as Molly had been her mother, not Meredith. Lately the lines felt blurred. For months they had nurtured Laura, helped her heal from a loss no child should face, and created a warm, loving, home for her. They did everything parents were suppose to do. There were days it was hard to remember life before Laura. She had wiggled her way into their hearts. Derek knew he couldn't love her anymore than if Meredith had carried her for nine months and then given birth to her. He knew Meredith felt the same way. In their hearts Laura was their daughter. Having her accidentally call him daddy was more than a little bittersweet. He wanted to believe it was because she viewed them the same way they viewed her. It wasn't possible though. Not at this time. Maybe in the future she would say the words without them being a sleepy mumble.

"Derek?" Meredith's voice drift up the stairs as he gently closed Laura's bedroom door. Time to forget about Laura's slip of the tongue and focus on the meeting that was about to take place. He let out a sigh and wondered, not for the first time, why they kept chasing after the baby dream. First there had been the fertility treatments that caused more heartache than hope. Then there was the adoption process. Every inch of their life had been invaded. There was nothing safe from scrutiny. At first Derek had thought their legal representative, Janet Toll, was merely being nosy. And then she handed him the profile she had created for them. It had blown him away. She had poked, prodded, and quizzed so she could paint a clear picture of who they were to women looking to give their unborn child to the couple they liked best. It seemed like a popularity contest to Derek but who was he to question a system that worked for thousands of couples? It was frustrating, meeting pregnant woman after pregnant woman, trying to impress them enough so they would choose him and Meredith, only to discover they wanted a more traditional family. Once, Meredith had asked what that they meant. The answer had been ridiculous: a legally married couple. A marriage certificate was not a guarantee. Derek knew that first hand. So did Meredith. They bit the bullet after that interview though, took a quick trip to Vegas, and came back with a piece of paper that proclaimed what they already knew in their hearts: they were husband and wife. Not that it did any good. Two more women rejected them in favor of couples where they mothers were wanting to stay at home. Meredith had drawn the line there. She would legally get married, she would kick her roommates out one by one, but she would not give up the career she had worked so hard for. The week before Laura came to live with them they had contemplated calling their social worker, Janet, and telling her to remove their profile. Amongst the madness of the accident and adjusting to life with a four year old they forgot. And, lo and behold, Janet had called last night to ask if they were willing to meet with a someone. She had been vague, only saying this one was different from the others. He had wanted to say no, but Meredith had said yes. This was it though. No more rejection. They had Laura, that was enough.

"Derek!"

A resigned sigh whispered pass his lips as he slowly trudged down the staircase. It was difficult to put on a happy face when he knew how this interview would go. The mother would ask them questions and then gently let them down by finding some minor fault. He knew it wasn't personal, yet it damn well felt like it. He shook off the bitterness and let his mind wander back to Laura. Dear, sweet Laura who accidentally called him daddy. "We need to talk," he murmured to Meredith as he descended the stairs and pulled his wife close.

"Now or later?" Strands of her lavender scented hair tickled his nose as she snuggled into his embrace.

"Laura called me daddy," he blurted out, unable to keep it to himself. Meredith's eyes widened, but she didn't seem very shocked. "You don't look surprised."

"She called me mommy this morning at breakfast," Meredith admitted. She drew back, an odd look on her face. "I don't know if it was an accident or if she's confused. I planned on talking to you about it this afternoon. I wanted to get through this meeting with Janet and..." her brow wrinkled as she visibly tried to recall the name of the woman Janet was bringing for them to meet. "Annie?" Her brow wrinkled more. "No. That's not right. Abby? Yes! I think that's it. I think her name is Abby."

Annie. Abby. The name didn't really matter to Derek. This woman would be like all the rest: a disappointment. Only this time the loss wouldn't hurt as much. Laura was there to soften the blow. They could focus all their love and energy on her. "So, when is this Abby and Janet suppose to arrive?"

"Any moment," answered Meredith as she bent to pick up a purple argyle sock monkey Laura had tossed aside last night. Tucking the toy under one arm, she straightened a pair of hot pink and turquoise rain-boots. One of the many pairs Laura owned. The child was obsessed with them. At last count, Derek had tallied up sixteen pairs. A bit excessive for someone so small. He wish he could put the blame on Laura's deceased parents but she had come to them with only five pairs. "Which is why I need your help to clean this place up! I didn't realize how messy it was until Laura went upstairs for her nap."

"Meredith." Her name was a sigh upon his lips as he followed her around the downstairs, picking up toys as they went. It seemed ridiculous to put so much effort into a meeting that would most likely have disappointing results. "The house looks fine."

"How can you say the house looks fine? There are toys everywhere," she groaned, dropping an armful into an empty wicker laundry basket. Elbows akimbo, she planted her fists on her hips and glared at him when he repeated his assessment that the house looked fine as it was. "It doesn't look fine and when that woman says she is choosing someone else because our house is a mess I am holding you responsible!"

It occurred to him that while he had given up on ever adopting, Meredith hadn't. She wasn't going through with this interview as a courtesy to Janet, she was going through with it because she was still serious about adopting a baby. "Mere," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I'm not sure about..."

"Don't!" She held up one hand, fingers splayed. "We talked about this, Derek. We talked and we decided. You don't get to change your mind. Not now. Not when I feel good about this one." Her arm dropped to her side. Silence fell as they stared at one another. Every reason why they had wanted to adopt shown in her eyes. It was impossible not to feel those same emotions, to recall their desire to give a child a warm, loving home and a future.

"Do you really feel good about this one?" Everything hinged on her answer. If her gut was saying they should trust this woman, then he would stand with her. The past had proven her instincts to be infallible.

Meredith nodded, her features softening as she reached up to cup his cheek in the palm of her hand. "This is it Derek. I can feel it."

"What about Laura?" Their feelings were not the only ones at stake. Laura had been through enough changes to last a lifetime. The last thing Derek wanted was for her to undergo more.

A cloud of confusion dulled Meredith's eyes as she waited for him to explain. He said nothing. He couldn't. This was something his wife had to work out on her own. He needed to hear her answer without ever having to worry that he had somehow influenced her. "I can't believe you're even asking me that." She shook her head, a tendril of honey colored silk catching on the curve of her cheek. "I love her more than I ever thought I could love a child. She is as much my daughter as she was Molly's." Turning on the ball of her foot, she used the peel of the doorbell as an escape. It was obvious that his good intentions were lost in the accusatory nature of the question. Damn it. That did not go the way he envisioned.

"I'm sorry," he called after her, hoping she hadn't already opened the door. "I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did." He hoped she understood, that his intentions came through this time. The thousand watt smile she sent his way assured him that they had. He couldn't resist winking before she turned to let in Janet and the woman who might or might not be named Abby. Her name, Derek discovered five minutes later, was Allie, not Abby and she was definitely different from anyone else they had been introduced to. Unlike the others, who had been pregnant women ranging in age from nineteen to thirty-five, Allie was a mere thirteen months old.

"I don't understand," Meredith stammered, her bewildered gaze ricocheted from Janet to the doe eyed toddler who sat on the social worker's lap sucking her thumb.

"I know," Janet apologized. "I wasn't very clear when I spoke to you earlier. Allie's case isn't something easily explained on the phone." At the sound of her name Allie glanced up at Janet before wearily staring in Meredith's direction. Janet took a deep breath before sharing the details of Allie's past. Her father had been a soldier who was killed in Iraq the month before she was born. Her mother had recently died of ovarian cancer. The only family left was a great-grandmother who lived in a nursing home. The child had been declared a ward of the State. "I know you wanted a newborn but the moment I was told Allie was going to be adopted out I thought of you."

One shy look from the little girl's large brown eyes had Derek's heartstrings tugging. It would be easy to love her and Allie clearly needed to be loved. She was entirely too serious looking for a child who was just a little over a year old. She needed to laugh, to smile, to know life was going to be alright. He didn't have to look at Meredith to know her answer. Her heart was huge and contained enough love to put a smile back on Allie's face. Reaching for her hand he gave it a squeeze, letting her know he was in if she was in. She squeezed back and took a deep breath. "Can I hold her?" Meredith asked. Janet nodded, setting the toddler on the floor, and softly encouraged her to walk toward Meredith. With tentative steps the child toddled forward, her tiny fingers out stretched toward Meredith. Before his wife picked the child up Derek knew her answer. Allie was their's. "Hi baby girl," Meredith whispered, rubbing her cheek against Allie's soft cap of hair. Smiling tentatively, Derek held the small hand resting on Meredith's forearm. At first it appeared that Allie was going to draw back but she must have somehow felt that he cared because she let him continue to hold her little hand. "She reminds me of Molly," Meredith murmured. Blinking, Derek looked at Allie with new eyes. Meredith was correct. With her strawberry blonde ringlets, rosy cheeks, and large gray-green eyes she indeed looked like Molly, which meant she favored Meredith as well.

"How is your niece adjusting?" Janet asked. The question spurred a brief conversation about Laura's progress and led into whether or not the four year old was ready to accept another family member.

"I think she is," Meredith said confidently. Silently, Derek agreed. Just last week Laura had asked if they were going to have any babies. It had come on the cusp of them telling her about Mark and Lexie's pregnancy and at first they had thought that was why she was asking. Then she rattled on about wanting a sister to play with. They hadn't known how to respond so they had tried to change the subject. Laura had persisted though, saying she was lonely. "She's very loving and has asked repeatedly for a sister so I think she would be just as excited as us to add Allie to our family."

The rest of the visit went by in a blur. Phone calls were made. Questions were asked, answers were given. Two hours after her arrival, Janet left. It had been difficult letting little Allie go with her, their only comfort the fact that in a couple days they would be bringing the little girl home for good. "I can't believe it," Meredith squealed, throwing her arms around Derek's neck. "It's finally happening, Derek! We're getting our baby! Laura's getting a sister and life is good. No. Wait. Its better than good. Its fantastic!"

Closing his eyes, Derek wrapped his arms around his wife. Life was looking pretty fantastic. Laura was starting to view them as parents and they were finally adopting. Some would think things were too good to be true, that something bad must be lingering on the horizon. Sometimes, though, happy endings did happen and Derek knew, without a shadow of doubt, that this was one of those times.


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's Note: I am in serious awe of all your amazing feedback. It is hard to call them reviews when you are being so candid about what you like and dislike. You are all amazing! Every single one of those reviews has given me inspiration or something to think about. One of the things first and foremost on my mind is healing Callie. Poor woman has been through it! She accidentally killed three people, one of which was her one year old daughter. Talk about a big, ole stinking pile of guilt! She doesn't know how to forgive herself so she finds it impossible to believe that others could forgive her. Isn't that how it is for most of us? We can't forgive ourselves for something so we have trouble understanding how anyone could forgive that same transgression. Thank goodness for faith and hope! Regardless of your religious beliefs (I myself am a Christian) there is nothing in this life if you do not have those two things. You see, you cannot have anything in life if you do not have faith and hope! Think about it. Close your eyes. Try saying something about the future without at least one of those two things coming to mind. It is impossible. We have faith. We have hope. Therefore we believe. So simple, yet so complicated. Speaking of complicated, this chapter is one big complication! I have written it four times. Each time it seems flat. This is my last attempt. Hopefully everything comes through as intended. I also hope that those of you who think I killed Sofia for a less complicated reunion between Mark and Lexie will go back and reread. There is nothing uncomplicated about their relationship in this story. In fact, Sofia's death complicates things even more, as does this pregnancy. There are so many issues that have to be worked out between the two of them. This chapter delves head on into a couple of them. I apologize in advance if the characters are not quite up to par. And while this chapter does end on a happy, tidy sort of note remember this is a crossroad and like all crossroads there will be bumps along the way. _

Chapter Thirteen

_Leave out all the rest..._

"I don't understand!"

Mark bit back a curse as he quietly closed his locker and turned to face Arizona. It had to be the seventh or eighth time she voiced her confusion over Callie's disappearing act the week before. He understood her frustration and her desire to know what the hell was going on, but he couldn't tell her what he didn't know. Callie had told him the same thing she had told Arizona: she needed to get away so she could heal. She hadn't been very clear on where she would be doing her healing or how long it would take, just that she had to go and she would be in touch once she was settled. He had a pretty good idea where she had gone but Addison wasn't picking up her phone so he didn't have confirmation, and until he had confirmation he didn't think it fair to give Arizona false hope.

"If you know where she is, tell me. I'm worried Mark. Really worried. She hasn't been herself. She..."

"If I knew something I would tell you. Right now your guess is as good as mine."

"Yeah, well, my guess is she took off to Dr. Montgomery's," Arizona retorted bitterly. She shoved her trembling fingers into her wavy blonde hair and let out a frustrated groan. "I don't understand her anymore. It's like we're strangers. She acts like she is the only one who lost Sofia. Well she isn't. I loved that little girl. She was my daughter too!"

Shock trickled through Mark's veins as he silently let Arizona's words sink in. It had been so easy to forget that Arizona had been a crucial part of Sofia's life. God he was an idiot. "I'm sorry Arizona," he muttered, knowing his words wouldn't offer the comfort Arizona sought. She needed Callie. "If I hear from her..."

Arizona shook her head. "We both know she isn't going to call. That would require her thinking about someone other than herself!" A startled gasp slipped past her parted lips as her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Her blue eyes widened in horror. "I didn't mean that," she whispered after she lowered her arms.

She had though, Mark realized. She had meant every word she said and, unfortunately, Mark agreed with her. Like the rest of the world, Callie had her good points and she had her bad points. Self-absorption being of them. It was easy to ignore that side of her when things were going good. When things were not so good Callie seemed to lose sight of the fact that she wasn't the only one in pain. Mark wasn't faulting her for it, and he didn't think Arizona was either, they were just realistic. "She is who she is," he bit out. Suddenly he felt the urge to talk about anything but Callie. She was his best friend and he would always love her in the way a best friend should be loved, but she wasn't his future, nor would she ever be. "I'll let you know if I hear from her," he repeated before abruptly stepping around her and striding toward the locker room door. He yanked it open just as it started to swing inward. A slender, dark haired woman flailed her arms before falling forward, one of her hands grasping for a chunk of his sweater.

"Shit," he muttered, reaching under the woman's arms and yanking her upward. It was only after she was standing on her feet again that he realized it had been Lexie that he knocked off balance. Alarm shot through him, as he started visually and physically, looking for injuries.

"Will you stop groping me," she hissed, batting his hands away, a scowl marring her pretty face. Slowly her features relaxed and she mumbled an apology before sagging against the door frame. "I'm exhausted," Lexie groaned. "I need my caffeine, Mark. I _need_ it. Only my stupid doctor says no more Red Bulls. How am I suppose to get through sixteen hour shifts with no Red Bull?"

"You shouldn't drink that Red Bull crap," he chuckled, a half smile tipping the corners of his mouth. Reaching out, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on the silky strands a moment longer than necessary. He missed touching her. He missed holding her in his arms and feeling their hearts beating in time. God he was such an emotional sap when it came to her!

"Red Bull is not crap," Lexie protested.

"Red Bull is crap," Mark reaffirmed. "Do you k now..."

Lexie pressed the tips of all ten of her fingers against his mouth. "I do know," she teased. "I know all about how awful energy drinks are for me. I also know that I'm going to spend the next five months exhausted because I have a serious caffeine addiction."

Encircling her wrists with his fingers, he tugged her hands down. Ducking his head, he pressed his lips close to her ear. "You're being melodramatic," he murmured.

"Probably," she agreed with giggle. It was a magical sound, like the tinkling of a bell in a gentle summer breeze. It was, to Mark, a light at the end of the tunnel. If he could tease Lexie, if he could make her smile and laugh, it meant he was one step closer to feeling human again. "Still doesn't change the fact that I'm exhausted or that I probably won't get much sleep when I get home."

With an over active, chatter box of a four year old also in residence? Yeah, sleep was but a wishful dream. "Then don't go home." Confusion wrinkled her brow as she peered at him from weary eyes. "Come home with me. We'll order something in for dinner and then put on one of those stupid girly movies you like. Or," he continued, when he noticed her hesitancy, "you can just crash. Just...come home with me." The idea of going home to that apartment alone scared the shit out of him. Most night's he found reasons to stay at the hospital. A few nights he had even rented a hotel room. All because the idea of going home by himself left a sour taste in his mouth. So sour he had taken a cue from Callie and done something drastic: he'd sold the place. Tonight would be his last night. Since the sale had included the furnishings all he had to worry about was packing his personal belongings. Sofia's things were already gone. Derek had taken care of that a few weeks ago. Mark couldn't be sure but he thought Derek might have donated it all to a local children's home. That was what Arizona had done with the few things Callie had been willing to part with.

"Okay," Lexie replied softly after an eternity of silence. Tension eased from his muscles, only to build back up again when he realized he would have to tell Lexie he was moving. "You know, if you want help packing you could just ask. You don't have to bribe me with food, chick flicks, and a comfy bed."

Asking who told her was a moot point. He already knew. Derek the big mouth Shepherd. Figures that Derek would say something before he could. It wasn't like he could be mad about it either. Derek didn't have a malicious bone in his body. If he told Lexie, and it looked as though he had, then it was because he thought Mark had already said something. "Not much to pack, just clothes and a few other items."

"Oh." Her lips puckered as she mulled over that bit of information. He could practically see the wheels working in her head as she tried to sort of where he was moving. "So, do you have a new place or are you going back to the Waterford?"

"Waterford for now," Mark admitted. It probably seemed ridiculous that he sold his place without having another one lined up. What was done was done and even if he could re-do it he wouldn't. The apartment had been great for a single guy who got his daughter every once in a great while, but that wasn't his life anymore. He was older, if not in years then in spirit, and he wanted more from life than being a sperm donor to lesbians. He'd sown his wild oats, he's seen both sides of the pasture, and life with Lexie definitely had greener grass. "Lex, I'm going to buy a house," he said quietly, pausing to let his words sink in before dropping the bomb, "and I want you to live there. With me."

"We tried living together before, remember?" Mark remembered. Those couple of months before Sloane showed up had been heaven. Even when Lexie hadn't been home there had been reminders of her everywhere. A nail file on the coffee table. Silky panties in the bathroom flour. Make up and perfume across the dresser top. Occasionally, two years later, there were still traces of their life together. Half the coffee cups in the cabinet she had bought. Then there was the bathroom, she had completely re-done it when they lived together. Before Sloane's arrival she had planned on re-doing the bedroom. They never got around to it. Sloane had shown up, pregnant, and declaring that he was her father.

"I remember," murmured Mark as they bypassed the crowded elevator and started down the North staircase. Their steps echoed in the nearly empty stairwell as they made their descent. "I remember how great it was."

"Until it wasn't," Lexie added. "That's the story of our relationship. Things are great until they're not anymore. Why can't we just leave things as they are? Nobody says we have to live in the same house or be in a relationship to raise this baby together. Look at how great things were with you, Arizona, Callie and Sofia."

"Great?" A bitter laugh swelled in Mark's chest, burst out, and echoed in the stairwell. Their steps halted, one of his hands resting on the door that led out to the parking lot. "You want to know how great 'sharing' Sofia was? The only time I seen her was when they wanted me to see her. I was their sperm donating babysitter. I refuse to go through that again."

"It wouldn't be like that with us," Lexie insisted softly. "I'm not involved-"

"Yet," Mark butt in. "You're not involved with someone yet. What happens when you meet someone. What happens when they don't want me in the picture?"

"That won't happen!"

"You don't know that," Mark snapped. All the anger and resentment he had felt toward Callie and Arizona bubbled up. He had been a third wheel in their parenting relationship with Sofia. His input hadn't been taken seriously. They had smiled and nodded when he spoke but then threw everything he said out the window. In a few years that would be Lexie. She would meet someone and the lucky bastard would convince her to marry him and then say Mark had in their child's life would be bye, bye, bye.

"Actually, I do," Lexie hissed, her eyes blazing with all the anger he felt. "I put everything into our relationship. Oh, I know I didn't always act like I was fully invested but I was. Even when I was telling you I wasn't ready I could still see the future. I had our wedding planned. I even had our two kids named. Then Sloane showed up." She sucked in a breath, her cheeks blazing with color. Tears shimmered in her dark eyes. "And you started pushing. I tried, Mark. I tried to understand and to make myself ready. I couldn't though and any time I tried to tell you that, you didn't listen. It was like what I wanted didn't matter. It was the same way when Callie came up pregnant. Push, push, push." Another pause as she gasped for more breath, her cheeks growing even redder. "I still love you," she whispered. "Even through all that. Even through us cheating on each other. I still love you. And that's why I know there won't be anyone else. I can't give them my heart because I never got it back from you." Her fingers shook as she raised them to wipe at a few tears that had streaked down her cheeks. She muttered a few curse words before looking up at him. "That's also why I can't live with you. We didn't plan this baby but it's still part of that future you want, a future I'm still not sure I'm ready for."

Was anyone ever truly ready? Was there even a way to get ready? Not really. Preparing for and talking about something was not the same as experiencing it. Mark wasn't sure if he was quite ready but he wanted it, he wanted it bad enough to try. Until Lexie reached that point no amount of begging, trying to persuade, or pressuring would work. The past had proven that. She would run. Mark was man enough to admit that right now he couldn't stand losing another person he loved. "Then I'll wait till you're ready," he said quietly. Waiting was not something Mark was very good at but he would learn. It seemed to be his only option.

The tip of Lexie's tongue darted out to swipe across her lips, her fingers twisting together anxiously. "You'll wait," she repeated. Mark nodded. He had never told a woman he would wait on them. It had never seemed like a fair thing to do. Saying it to her had been easy. She was worth waiting for and he would gladly wait the rest of his life if it meant having her. "You really mean that, don't you?" Another nod. Her eyes widened, awe shining in their dark depths. She parted her lips and let out a deep breath. "Ask me," she breathed.

Ask me. It confused him at first. Ask her what? Only the most important question a man could ask a woman, he realized, feeling slightly dazed. He'd asked her once before. She had practically screamed NO at him. Was she setting him up to do the same this time? No. Lexie wasn't like that. She wouldn't intentionally set out to hurt him. Yet, he had a feeling if he asked right now hurt would be inevitable. Reaching out, he tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "When I ask it isn't going to be in the stairwell of Seattle Grace and it sure as hell won't be without a ring." She started to pull away, hurt flittering across her features. He tugged her close, burying his nose in her hair. The soft scent of cherry blossoms filled his nostrils. Derek had once said he loved the smell of lavender because it reminded him of Meredith's hair. Mark had laughed. He wasn't laughing now. Now, he got it. Now, anytime he smelled cherry blossoms he would think of Lexie. "Marry me," he asked softly. He knew people would say they were only doing it for the baby or they were rushing into it. He didn't care. He knew better. Lexie knew better. Nothing, no one, else mattered.

"Yes."


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: So many things to address, so little time; or space, depending on how you look at it. I believe on starting with the bad so I can end with the good. If what I am about to say offends anyone or if I took the review wrong I apologize. The last chapter had a review where the reader felt I was not being fair to Alex and Izzie fans and that I was not giving them enough time in this story. My jaw quite literally hit the floor. Have I, or have I not, been upfront from the start that this story was a multiple pairing story? I am fairly certain that I have been. If you are unhappy with the way this story is being written then maybe this story is not for you. If that comes across as rude I apologize. I won't apologize for taking so long with this chapter. Some rather big things have occurred in my life and the lives of people I care about. Things that have altered our lives and will take a while to heal from. I can't promise that the next chapter will be finished quickly, but I can promise that this story will be completed. Thank you to those of you who understand! I also want to note that I am aware that the characters are slightly OC and I am sorry for that. I hope the end of this chapter makes up for it! _

Chapter Fifteen

_Don't be afraid..._

A slightly cool breeze flitted through the air; rustling leaves, stirring lawn clippings, and, much to Izzie's annoyance, tangling hair. Wrinkling her brow in frustrated anger she reached up to finger comb the mess of golden blonde hair that surrounded her face. So much for looking fabulous, she thought in disgust. If it was just the wind she wouldn't care. She could work with wind-blown. What she couldn't work with was baby puke. Dried baby puke at that. She wanted to blame her son but only a heartless person blamed a six week old baby for bad hair. There wasn't even a logical reason to blame Alex. He had suggested a shower, had even offered to call Meredith and let her know they were running behind and would be late to the Welcome to the Family party they were throwing for their newly adopted daughter Allie. Izzie had refused. She had taken some damp paper towels, cleaned off her neck and collar bone, changed her top, and hurried her little family out the door. Her haste was coming back to haunt her. Traces of regurgitated breast milk was dried in her hair. Not a lot, but enough. It had hardened several strands and smelled horrid, which meant she smelled horrid. How was she suppose to walk into Meredith's smelling the way she did? She couldn't. She wouldn't. They would just have to go home. Meredith would understand. Wouldn't she?

Letting out a resigned sigh, Izzie shook her head in disbelief. For two years she had avoided not only Alex but everyone else that had been important to her. They didn't have to welcome her back, yet they did. Meredith didn't deserve to be bailed on because of a little spit up. And it was highly unlikely that anyone would notice to begin with. Nobody was there to critique Izzie's appearance; they were there to meet the newest member of the Shepherd household. "Guess this is as good as it gets," she murmured, tugging her fingers through her hair one last time before opening her car door. Alex had already bogged himself down with James and all his various baby paraphernalia and as half-way to the front door. Twisting in her seat, she reached for the two brightly colored gift bags they had placed in the backseat. She curled her fingers around the handles, yanked them forward, and then started after Alex. She had just reached him when the door swung open, a frazzled Lexie stammering out a greeting. Everything within her froze. It was all she could do not to take a swing at the woman who had hammered in the final nail in the coffin of Izzie's first marriage. As a good Catholic girl, Izzie didn't hold a grudge. People made mistakes. Clearly Alex and Lexie's little affair had been a mistake. That didn't mean Izzie had to like being around her or that she couldn't imagine balling up her fist and slamming it into Lexie's pert little nose. What sucked the most about Callie's revelation was Izzie had always considered Lexie as a friend. The younger woman had known about her cancer before anyone else, had encouraged her to fight when she wanted to give in. To find out Lexie was the woman Alex had broken their marriage vows with hurt in a way Izzie couldn't begin to describe.

"Fair warning, my dad's here and he paid a visit to his favorite bar before coming." Lexie reached for the gift bags, her voice shaking as she issued the warning. "I don't get him. Life isn't..."

The rest of Lexie's vent drifted through one of Izzie's ears and out the other. It sucked that Meredith and Lexie's dad had shown up drunk but why was Lexie telling them? Then it hit her. Lexie wasn't telling _them, _she was telling Alex, someone who understood what it was like to have a dead beat drunk for a father. Part of Izzie was bothered by Lexie's assumption that it was alright to dump her frustrations over her deadbeat of a dad on Alex. Most of Izzie understood. Her own father had been an alcoholic. He hadn't been violent, just depressing. He'd shot himself when Izzie was twelve. A shiver crept down her spine at the memory and she shook off the memory. Dwelling on the past never did any good and thinking about it only made her sad. She wasn't doing the whole sad bit today. Today was a good day. She was visiting old friends, getting to show off her baby, and, later, she would be getting naked with her husband. Keeping the doctor's approval to resume normal sexual relations a secret had been difficult. Saying something would have resulted in them staying home and as much as she wanted to wrap her legs around Alex's waist she missed her friends.

"...hope my baby is as easy going as James."

Blinking, Izzie forced herself to pay better attention. The topic had shifted from drunken father's to babies. Interesting. She wondered if that had been Alex's doing or if the natural ebb of conversation had just drifted in that direction. Given Lexie's expanding waistline it was probably the former, not the latter. "You wouldn't think he was so easy going if you seen how mad he gets when he's not fed quick enough," Izzie heard Alex tease. He wasn't kidding. James was a very demanding eater. To make matters even more difficult he refused to take a bottle. It wasn't an issue at the moment but when Izzie returned to work in a few weeks it would be; especially since they had agreed that the daycare at Seattle Grace was nicer than the one at Tacoma General. Unless something changed, James would have to learn to take a bottle because his mother would not be able to come feed him on breaks. She wasn't sure how she felt about that or if she was going to be able to handle being so far from her baby.

"Isn't it funny how they're born with their personality already developing? I remember when Laura was James' age. She would make all these chattering noises. It should have been a forewarning that she was going to be a talker." Lexie reached up and tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear. A flash of something sparkly on her finger caught in the sunlight filtering through one of the foyer windows. Izzie's eyes widened. There, on Lexie's left hand, was at least two carats worth of princess diamond. She must have sensed Izzie's focus on the ring because she held her hand out. "I didn't want it," she whispered. "I told Mark I didn't need something this big. He refuses to take it back for something smaller. I'm a little scared that he's going to make a big deal out of the wedding too. Which would be tacky, right? Women who are almost five months pregnant shouldn't have big weddings right?"

"I think you should have whatever kind of wedding you want to have," Izzie answered quietly. A lump formed in her throat as she struggled not to say more. She pressed her lips together in a scrunched up line and balled up her fists. The struggle was futile. Before she could stop herself she asked, "why did you sleep with Alex?" She had to know. If she was going to move forward, if she was going to get over what happened two years ago, she had to know what had caused it. And she wanted to get over it. She wanted to forgive Lexie. She wanted to find a way for them to at least be friendly again.

The blood drained from first Lexie's face, then Alex's. It occurred to Izzie that so much had been left unsaid between her and Alex, including the things Callie had said the night of the accident. It also occurred to her that the conversation she had just initiated should have taken place somewhere a little more private than Meredith's foyer. It was too late to shut it down now. "Iz," Alex started, only to stop. He looked from her to Lexie, uncertainty warring on his face. It wasn't his question to answer and he seemed to realize that.

"Loneliness," Lexie whispered. "We slept together because we were lonely. The people we loved had deserted us and we were tired of feeling like something was wrong with us. We didn't mean for it to happen. It just...did. And, believe me, if there was someway to change that chapter in our lives, Alex and I would change it. We can't though. It happened and, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Truly sorry."

A lesser woman would have pointed fingers, would have played off the fact that Izzie had left Alex and therefore had no right to be upset or ask questions. Not Lexie; she gave the facts, apologized, and left the ball in Izzie's court. Izzie had two options: forgive and move on, or hold a grudge. She doubted anyone would blame her if she nursed her pain. What was the point, though? Whether Lexie or Alex brought it up, the fact remained that she had left, and she had made it very clear to Alex that she wanted out. Could she really blame him for turning to someone else? Yes, a small voice in her head screamed! She could blame him for breaking their marriage vows. Except she had done the same thing. Maybe she hadn't slept with another person but she had broken them by leaving. "It seems so corny to say I forgive you," she mused in a soft voice.

"It seems really sappy to say you have no idea how much that means to me," Lexie choked out, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Shit," she bit out, reaching up to wipe at several droplets of moisture that had started to trickle down her cheeks. "Anymore I feel like all I do is cry."

"It's part of the territory," Izzie sympathized. She rummaged through the diaper bag until she found the tissues she kept in one of the side pockets. "Here."

"Thanks." Turning her attention toward her reflection in a mirror, Lexie made quick work of the dark streaks of mascara that covered her cheeks. "Mind if a borrow a baby wipe," she asked when it became apparent the tissue was not going to cut it. Izzie murmured something nonchalant and handed her a few scent free wipes. "Thanks."

"No problem," murmured Izzie. She shot a glance toward Alex from the corner of her eye and caught him watching her. I forgive you too she mouthed, knowing he needed to hear the words just as much as Lexie had. What amazed her the most was she meant it. One of the most important things cancer had taught her was life was entirely too short. It was entirely too precious to worry about holding a grudge for something that wouldn't have occurred if she hadn't been such a coward. She would forgive and she would move forward. If a friendship formed with Lexie she was open to it, if it didn't at least they had said everything that needed to be said. The past was finally where it belonged: in the past. Now, there was nothing to do but enjoy the future...something Izzie was more than willing to do!


	16. Chapter 16

_Author's Note: The last chapter did not go quite how I had planned. There was always going to be resolution between Izzie and Lexie but initially I planned on including snippets of the party and a conversation between Alex and Izzie about Lexie. For the better part of two weeks I toyed with that chapter. Finally, I decided it stood on its own. It wasn't fabulous. It wasn't even worth as many reviews as it got. It did progress the story along though. Just as this chapter will help progress the story along. I also want to remind everyone that this story is planned out. Begging me for specific characters to be in the next chapter just makes me feel bad, which is usually the cause for delay in updates. _

Chapter Sixteen 

_"I've taken my beating..."_

A grapefruit sized lump formed in Addison's throat as the hovered in the doorway of her guest room. It had been close to two weeks since Callie showed up on her doorstep, a mess of tears, anger, and bitterness, and most of those two weeks had been spent huddled up under the covers. Crossing her arms, she leaned one hip against the door jam and watched as the lump beneath the floral comforter moved from one side of the bed to the other. Addison understood the pain of loss, she understood how it could mentally and physically break a person down, but enough was enough. Life did not stop because someone you loved died; it kept moving on, and it was time for Callie to start moving with it. Letting out a sigh, Addison's arms fell to her sides and she took a few tentative steps toward the bed, her resolve a little shaken. It was one thing to know what needed to be done and another to actually do it. Squaring back her shoulders she took a deep breath. She wouldn't be much of a friend if she let Callie continue on in this manner. The closer she drew to the bed the more confident she became. She reached for the hem of the comforter and yanked. At first Callie fought her, but two weeks of laying around and barely eating had taken its toll, and in the end Addison won.

"Go away," Callie sniffled, curling into a ball. Addison's resolved wavered again as she stared at the pathetic mess that was her friend. For a split second she thought about draping the comforter back over Callie, only to remember Violet's advice that Callie needed to face reality, she needed to accept the death of her daughter, and make peace with her role in the accident.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Addison sank into the club chair that sat adjacent to the bed, her worried blue eyes still fixed on Callie. "First of all, this is my house and I have the right to be in any room I choose to be in. Second of all, your starting to stink."

"I don't care."

Letting out another sigh, Addison folded her hands in her lap, struggling to find the right words. "Maybe you don't, but I do."

Callie rose up enough to shoot her a dark look. "Yippee for you."

Any illusions Addison had about this going smoothly went right out the window. Callie was comfortable in her self-pity. Drawing her back into the land of the living was not going to be easy. "Calliope Torres, you are going to get out of that bed and you are going to take a shower and you are going to eat lunch with me."

"Seriously, Addison, just...go away. I came here to hide, not socialize."

Anger tightened Addison's lips into a thin, white line. Her compassion only extended so far and she was just about at the end of her sympathy rope. When she had extended the invitation for Callie to visit it was so her friend could heal, not hide. She should have known Callie would fail to see that. That seemed to be Callie's way. It was like the other woman lived in a world of her own creation where what she wanted was all that mattered. Addison understood that world. She had once lived there herself. And then she had to grow up. She had to face reality, to take responsibility for her actions. It was time for Callie to do the same. "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

"And I'm telling you that I just want to rest." The desperation in Callie's voice was heart breaking. It was almost as though she knew what was about to happen and she wanted to put off the intervention as long as possible. "Please, Addie, I swear I'll get up tomorrow."

It was tempting to cave, to let Callie have one more day. Only tomorrow she would ask for another day. And then another. Addison knew this game. She wasn't going to let Callie sucker her into playing. "You're going to get up today." Addison rose to her feet and walked into the connecting bathroom. She went through the motions of laying out a towel and turning on the shower. When she was certain the temperature was perfect she strode back to the bed. "Come on. The shower's nice and warm. You'll feel better once you're clean."

The hostile look clouding Callie's eyes warned of a brewing storm. Fine. Addison had dealt with storms before. There wasn't anything Callie could say or do that would stop her from forcing her friend back into reality. "Nothing is going to make me feel better," Callie hissed, her face turning an ugly molted red.

"Wrong. You won't let anything make you feel better. You're so caught up in poor Callie world that you're letting life pass you by." The words felt harsh on Addison's tongue. Yet she knew they had to be said. The one time she picked up Mark's call she had gotten an earful of how selfish Callie was being with her grief. Grief was selfish, Addison had retorted, only to regret it when Mark told her about Callie demanding that Meredith and Lexie forgive her. Forgiveness couldn't be demanded, it had to be given. If Addison were in Lexie and Meredith's shoes she wasn't sure she could ever forgive Callie; and Addison knew if she were in Mark's shoes there was no way forgiveness would ever be an option.

"Fuck you!" Throwing back the covers, Callie thrust herself off the bed and stormed pass Addison. A second later the door to the bathroom slammed shut. Five seconds later it re-opened. Slowly, Addison forced herself to turn around and face her friend. With her dark hair in a matted mess around her sallow face Callie resembled a refugee that had been locked in a dark cell for months. Perhaps that was how she felt. A prisoner locked a dark cell of grief with now way of knowing if she would ever see the light of day again. "Do you know why I let life pass me by?" Addison started to nod but then changed her mind and shook her head instead. She could guess at why Callie was hiding but guessing wasn't the same as knowing. "Because I don't want to live."

"Callie..." The name was a mere whisper on Addison's lips. She took a step toward her friend only to cease movement when Callie held one hand up, fingers splayed. A visible warning to stay back. It wasn't enough to keep Addison at bay though. She took a deep, fortifying breath and closed the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around her friend's trembling body and pressed her cheek against Callie's mess of dark curls.

"I can't do it Addie," she sobbed, the fingers on her left hand curling around Addison's forearm. Her nails dug into Addison's skin, but she barely noticed. "I tried. I did. Really. I just can't do it!"

"Yes you can," Addison soothed. When Callie's knees buckled it took all Addison's strength to gently guide them both to the floor. They sat in a tangled mess of limbs and dark hair mingling with red. "You're strong. One of the strongest women I know."

"No," shaking her head, Callie tried to draw back. The arms holding her were to strong, they kept her cradled in a loving embrace. She ceased struggling, pressed her face into Addison's neck and let out another sob. "I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Every time I do...it isn't me there. It's Sofie and Molly and Brian...telling me I killed them." The last words seemed strangled, as though her tongue was being forced to speak them. It was a step, Addison thought. Not a big one, but it was a step none the less. The step seemed to falter when Callie asked if Addison thought she was a killer...the way everyone else did. It was an impossible question to answer. Realistically, Callie's actions were responsible for the deaths of three people. Was she a murderer? Not even close.

"It was an accident, sweetie. A horrible, horrible accident." Even as she spoke the words Addison knew they fell on deaf ears. Callie seemed to want only two responses: judgment or absolution. Addison could do neither.

"Tell that to everyone in Seattle." Callie shifted out of Addison's embrace and propped herself against the wall. "Derek fired me because of Meredith and Lexie. Did you know that? He tried saying it was because I needed to talk to a professional and deal with my grief but I know the truth. Meredith and Lexie couldn't stand looking at me."

Tucking her lip between her teeth Addison tried to make sense of what Callie was saying. Not for one second did she believe Derek would fire someone just because his wife and sister-in-law asked him to. Most likely he placed Callie on temporary leave so she could get some help with her grief. It wasn't an unreasonable request. Callie had been dealt a vicious blow. "Have you thought about talking to someone? I know Violet..."

Callie cut her off. "Not you too! I swear to God Addie I have had it with people telling me I need to 'talk to someone.' Arizona. Mark. Derek. Even Meredith Grey had the nerve to tell me to talk to someone when I tried apologizing. Do you know, her and Lexie refuse to forgive me?"

Again Addison couldn't help but think there had to be more to the story than what Callie was telling her. She replayed her conversation with Mark. It wasn't that Meredith and Lexie wouldn't forgive Callie or that they felt like they couldn't...they just hadn't reached a point where they were ready to verbalize their feelings to Callie. They felt as though Callie needed to forgive herself before she could accept forgiveness from others. "How about we don't worry about whether or not others will forgive you and focus on you forgiving yourself."

"I don't think I can do that," Callie whispered. Addison's heart broke a little as she realized how much truth was in her friend's words.


	17. Chapter 17

_Author's Note: I started this chapter before Christmas, excited about the turn of events that was about to happen. My excitement waned when my own life took a sudden turn. They found a soft ball sized mass in my eleven year old son's intestine. That isn't something a parent wants to hear, especially when they took their child to the doctor thinking it was something minor, like constipation. Needless to say the last few months have been scary, emotionally draining, and far to hectic to give much thought to this story. I am pleased to announce that my son was given a clean bill of health this Monday though and the mass is GONE! I give full credit to God. There is no doubt in my mind that He healed my son! We still have some medical issues to work through where my boy is concerned but the biggest hurdle has been leapt. I can't promise that the updates will be quicker; I can, however, promise that I haven't given up on this story and I hope you haven't given up on it either. This is a second attempt at this chapter. I hope it is much better than the first one! Thanks again for all your support and encouragement! I promise things will be more frequent! _

Chapter Seventeen

_I've shared what I've made_

Talk to someone. It was everyone's token suggestion when faced with Callie's grief. Talk to someone. A simple suggestion that didn't require much thought on behalf of the person offering it, but consumed almost every waking moment of Callie's life. She had tried. Really she had. Before leaving for Los Angeles she had even gone as far as calling the counselor Meredith had recommended. The moment the receptionist picked up the phone something in Callie had froze. Her tongue had been unable to form words. Without a second thought she had hung up. She had chalked it up to not wanting to speak to the same shrink the Grey sisters were using. She couldn't use that excuse in Los Angeles. Addison's friend Violet didn't know Meredith or Lexie, nor was she familiar with the details of the accident. In theory she was the perfect counselor. Yet Callie had no desire to speak to her. She knew if she sought out professional help they would make her come to terms with the accident. They would force her to apply salve to the wounds. Callie wanted neither. To come to terms with the accident, to find a way to heal, would be like saying everything was alright, when really it was quite the opposite. There was nothing alright about the fact that she had killed not only her daughter, but the parents of another little girl. Those first weeks after the accident she had prayed for the district attorney to file charges against her. She had welcomed the idea of spending her life locked up. Instead she had been given unsupervised probation. A slap on the wrist. Courtesy of her parents fancy lawyer. That same lawyer had convinced her probation officer to let her lick her wounds in California. Only she wasn't licking her wounds, she was avoiding.

The harsh vibrations of her cell phone against the marble topped nightstand jerked her from her away from her solitary pity party. Slowly she walked toward it, knowing that no matter who it was calling she wouldn't pick up. The moment her eyes drank in Mark's name she knew her resolve was about to crack. For over a year they had spoken to one another on a daily basis. She knew his voice as well as she knew her own. Her fingers trembled as she answered. "Hello," she whispered, her heart beating a frantic rhythm.

"Don't hang up!"

Everything within her froze as Lexie's voice filled her ear. What was Lexie doing with Mark's phone? More importantly, why was she using it to call Callie?

"Callie? Are you there?"

Taking a deep breath, Callie nodded. "Yes," she managed to murmur. So many questions raced through her mind as she waited for Lexie to tell her why she was calling. Before Sofia's death she would have made verbal mince-meat out of the more skittish Grey sister. Now it was she who was skittish. Skittish. Terrified. Ready to cry. Shit!

"You need to come home," Lexie ordered softly.

"I can't," bit out Callie.

"I'm not asking if you can or can't. I'm telling you...you need to come home. Right now."

Who the hell did Alexandria Caroline Grey think she was? Not Callie's boss that was for damn sure. It was only the guilt of the accident that kept Callie from spewing forth her resentment that Lexie thought she could tell her what to do. "I can't," Callie repeated, hoping the younger woman would get the hint. If Lexie didn't, well there was a disconnect button for a reason.

"Listen to me, Callie, there's...shit!" Emotion thickened Lexie's voice. Panic crackled over the line as the other woman fought for breath. Finally, once she had composed herself, she started talking. The more she talked the more Callie wanted to tell her to shut up! Blood roared in Callie's ears as Lexie spoke of the mess Mark had found at the apartment Callie had shared with Arizona. Closing her eyes, she fought back a sob. Her beautiful, funny wife had chased a bottle of anti-depressants with a bottle of vodka. Lexie's didn't say, but Callie knew, it was her fault. She had pushed Arizona. Pushed her so close to the edge it was no wonder she had fallen off.

"Callie?"

Swallowing the grapefruit sized lump that had formed in her throat, Callie answered "I'm still here." Here. In California. When she should have been at home in Seattle. If she had been there, if she hadn't been so blinded by her own grief, this wouldn't have happened. "How...how is she?" There was a small pause before Lexie said Arizona was stable. Stable. That could mean any number of things! It could be a platitude to keep her from being upset by how horrible the truth was. Or it could mean just that...Arizona was stable. "What do you mean, stable?"

"I mean...stable." There was another pause before Lexie rattled off the medical specifics, which sounded like Greek gibberish to Callie. It was as though all her medical training didn't exist, as though she were just another family member of a patient. Squeezing her eyes shut, she sank onto the edge of the bed, trying to make sense of the words coming out of the phone. She choked back a sob when Lexie told her Arizona had asked for her. The one time her wife regained conscientiousness she had asked for her. Only Callie hadn't been there. Oh no, being there would have meant thinking about someone other than herself. The weight of her selfishness dragged her shoulders down.

"Tell her...tell her..." Callie sucked in a mouthful of air, held her breath for a second, then exhaled. "Tell her I'm on way home. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can." A lone tear trickled down her cheek as she forced herself through the motions of packing. She couldn't lose Arizona. She couldn't. Losing her daughter had been hard enough, but to lose her wife as well? No. She wouldn't go there. She wouldn't think about that. It was too draining and she needed her energy to focus on getting home. Home. Where she would be a better wife. Home. Where she and Arizona would talk to someone...together.


	18. Chapter 18

_Author's Note: The last chapter sucked. It was short. It was poorly written. Callie had a massive pity party, followed by news that Arizona tried to kill herself. Yup. The last chapter pretty much sucked. This one gets better. Much, much better. It sort of picks up where the last chapter left off. Only from a different point of view with more details. I promise this is the end of the sadness train. It is pulling out for good. From here on out people are rebuilding and working on being happy! _

Chapter Eighteen

_"I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through..."_

Cotton filled Lexie's mouth as the weight of the last twenty-four hours took its toll. Her slender shoulders hunched, as though stress and fear were as powerful as gravity. Her eyes closed at the exact same moment she backed into the wall. Slowly, she slid downward, not realizing she had done so until her bottom connected with the sticky floor. She wanted to draw her legs to her chest, even tried, but the basketball sized mound under her shirt prevented it. Tears burned behind her lids as she let out a strangled sob. She had been so calm during her conversation with Callie. Not once had she thought about the magnitude of what she was telling Callie. She couldn't. To think about it would have paralyzed her tongue. Even more paralyzing would have been thoughts of Molly, Brian, and Sofia. Instead, she had focused on the facts. Only some of the facts, she admitted miserably. It had seemed more humane not to tell Callie all the facts. Nothing could be gained from revealing that Arizona had been in Sofia's room, a family picture clutched to her chest, as she laid there waiting for the mixture of pills and booze to take effect. It was only by the grace of God that Mark had decided to stop by and ask about a little quilt his grandmother had made. He had come home from the hospital in it, as had Sofia, and he had wanted their baby to come home in it as well. The apartment door had been unlocked, with faint strains of Adele filtering through. Mark had knocked once before letting them in. They both had called Arizona's name and when no answer came Lexie knew. Something bad had happened. They found Arizona in the nursery, a crumpled up mess in the middle of the floor. The half-empty bottle of tequila lay next to her, along with a scattering of white pills. It hadn't taken a genius to figure out what had happened.

"Lex?"

Fluttering her eyes opened, she looked up into Meredith's anxious face. "You should be at home."

"I could say the same to you," Meredith reminded as she folded herself down next to her sister. Their shoulders touched as they sat there, both their minds on the travesty that was life at the moment. "You probably should go home."

"I can't go home. I don't have a home." The words spat out of her mouth, sounding far more resentful than she meant for them to. It was the stress, she told herself. It was the stress of adjusting to life only to have life flip upside down again.

"Then come home with me," her older sister whispered, her forehead gently resting near Lexie's ear. Going home with Meredith was tempting. Oh so tempting. She could curl up in her old bed, with it's soft flannel sheets, and forget, even if only for the night, all the horrible things that had occurred in her life over the last six months. All of it would still be there in the morning though, waiting to drag her down.

Her lips parted, ready to tell Meredith that as much as she appreciated the offer she couldn't. The words never got the chance to be spoken. Mark chose that moment to exit Arizona's room, his handsome face half-haggard, half bewildered. "Did you get a hold of Callie?"

Slowly, Lexie nodded. For a second, right after he asked her to call Callie, she had hated him. He had known how she felt about Callie, yet he had still asked her to make the call. It had taken all her will-power to accept the challenge. She had done it. A bit unwillingly, but she _had_ done it. "I think she's on her way," she answered before Mark could even ask. Another slow nod before he crouched in front of her, hands held out. Tentatively she placed her hands into his, her fingers wrapping around his wrists as he helped haul her into a standing position. Before she could ask what was going on, Mark pressed a soft kiss to her temple and reminded her of their ultrasound appointment. When they first found Arizona she had been selfish enough to think it would be him that forgot, yet it had been her. She had forgotten. "I forgot," she whispered, more to herself than him. Hopefully this wasn't a sign of her maternal skills.

"We've had a rough twenty four hours," was all Mark murmured back. With his hand pressed gently in the small of her back, Mark propelled Lexie towards the elevators. She tried to work up some excitement for an appointment she should have been ecstatic over. She couldn't do it. Her mind couldn't focus on the exhilaration of learning if her child was a boy or girl when it was focused on the fact that she had forgotten such a monumental appointment. Was her forgetfulness a sign that she wasn't going to be a good mother? Or was it as Mark as said, a result of a rough twenty-four hours? She wanted to believe what Mark said, that she had been wrapped up in what was going on with Arizona and had just...forgotten. Only she couldn't. Not when she...her mind froze. When she what? Hadn't wanted children? Her heart squeezed. Until she had learned she was pregnant she hadn't wanted children. Hadn't seen herself as the mothering type. Now, with the exception of the one little slip, it was all she could think about. Her baby. Her sweet, little baby that would, hopefully, have her dark eyes and Mark's smile. Her tension slowly eased and was replaced with excitement. The appointment wouldn't tell them if the baby had her eyes and his smile but it would tell them if they were welcoming with a Landry or a Kambree. Most likely a Kambree, she thought. Mark already had two daughters, most likely the baby she carried would be a third. Which was fine by Lexie.

Visions of pink dresses, hairbows, and princess parties danced through Lexie's head as she as let Mark check them in. During the wait, even as the tech prepped her for the ultrasound, her mind stayed locked in it's pink haze. It wasn't until half-way through the appointment her bubble popped. "Could you repeat that," she asked, lifting her head up just enough to look at the tech, her eyes wide. She didn't have to look at Mark to know his eyes were just as wide, his heart pounding just as fast and as hard as her own.

"It's a boy!"


	19. Chapter 19

_Author's Note: The last two chapters dealt with a rather heavy subject. One I wasn't too sure about adding to the story. With only a handful of reviews I must admit that I am very worried it turned a lot of you off. I want to be clear that I don't write for the glory, I write so a story can be told; that being said it is always nice to get feedback. If a chapter upsets you feel free to tell me! I'm not going to get angry or with-hold a chapter because of it. If you see something off about a chapter, tell me! I will gladly take what you are saying into consideration and either fix it or let you know why I am leaving it as it is. My point is, never be afraid to leave a review! All are appreciated and help me grow. Which is the point of writing for critique, right? The opportunity to grow. Speaking of growing, this chapter brings us back the relationship growth that has occurred between Alex and Izzie. When we seen them last they were struggling with how the other felt, why they got re-married, and whether or not their relationship can work. This chapter finds them struggling to answer those questions. I hope all my fellow Alex and Izzie fans enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! I do have a goal for this chapter. A review goal. I would like at least 20. Hey, why not dream big! lol _

_Side Note/Spoiler Alert: I am seriously heartbroken over Lexie's death! How could they! Have no fear, that will never be written into my fanfictions! My fellow Lexzie and Slexie lovers can count on me for plenty of happiness! Right this moment I am plotting out a story semi-based off the Nicholas Cage movie The Family Man that centers around Mark, Lexie, and the plane accident and how time can be changed. _

Chapter Nineteen

_I've never been perfect, but neither have you_

There was nothing more draining than a day full of surgeries that could have been avoided if the patient hadn't been ridiculously stupid. Top of the list was the moron who thought it would be funny to see if he could shove a light bulb up his ass. Getting it in hadn't been the problem; getting it out was another matter. Alex had to admit he was rather proud of the fact that he had managed to remove the bulb without breaking it. That, he mused as he unlocked his front door, is one for the resume`. He tossed his keys onto the little side table that was to the left of the door and let out a sigh. If he was truly honest, it wasn't the idiots he had operated on that were bothering him. It was Arizona. Finding out his boss tried to off herself sort of put a dent in the day. Attempted suicide was nothing new to Alex. By the time he was eight his mother had tried it four times. With Alex's mother it had been all about attention. She would write long, elaborate notes about why she felt life wasn't worth living and for days before the attempt she would moan around about how nobody loved her. Arizona hadn't left a note. She hadn't said a word to anyone about feeling like life wasn't worth living. And that scared the shit out of Alex.

"Hey."

Izzie's soft greeting gave him temporary respite from of the day. Forcing his lips into what he hoped bore some resemblance of a smile, Alex murmured a hey back. His smile must have failed because her brow wrinkled in concern. "Work go okay?"

Shrugging, Alex dropped into the corner of their mocha colored couch. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, wishing he could figure out how to explain the day in a way that made sense. There was none. Even if he was articulate man there was no way to explain the unexplainable. "Arizona tried to kill herself." Somehow saying the words out-loud made them more tangible.

One long, slender hand flew to his wife's mouth. Her dark eyes widened as she sank onto the cushion next to him. The hand covering her lips fluttered down to rest on his knee. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" The surly answer came out of habit. Self-defense mechanisms clicking into place faster than he could derail them.

"Alex." The soft way his wife spoke his name reminded him there was no need to add another layer to the already high walls around him. "Don't. Don't do that. Don't act like everything is okay when it isn't."

How was he suppose to act? Was he suppose to pour his heart out? If that was what she was waiting for she was in for a long wait. Or, he thought with a grimace, maybe not. "Made me think of my mom," he muttered, his gaze dropping to the floor. Poor little Alex, thinking about his mommy and her many mental problems. What a pathetic mess. He was an adult. He should be over that shit by now. Most days he was. It was just every once in a while that the ugly memories roared to life. Whenever they roared to life he usually drank himself into an oblivion and found some easy and willing woman to distract him. The wedding ring on his left hand kept him in check. There would be no drinking, and there would be no one night stand. Alex would have to find a new way to fight his demons.

"I'm sorry," Izzie murmured, leaning closer, her full breasts pressing into his arm as she brushed a soft kiss across his lips. He expected her to pull back after the child-like kiss, to turn back into the cold version of the woman he loved. She surprised him by leaning closer, her breath hot on his cheek. Wisps of her silky blond hair tickled his ear as she nuzzled his neck. "I'm sorry," she whispered again. Her left hand slid up his chest until it rested just below his collar bone. A lump formed in his throat as his gaze slid to the diamond ring that graced her ring finger. He hadn't expected it to mean so much to him, not this time. It meant everything though. Thinking they could have a farce of a marriage based on creating a stable home for their son was ridiculous. If Alex hadn't been aware of that before he was now. Their marriage was real. And if they were to stand a chance he had to stop tip-toeing around her. He had to step up to the promise he had made right before James was born. He had to show her how much she meant to him; how much he loved her.

Alex trailed his fingers up her forearm, softly stroking her skin, before wrapping his fingers around her delicate wrist. He manipulated her hand until the palm hovered near his mouth. He pressed a soft kiss against in the center, before releasing her wrist. Her hand fell limply to her lap, the fingers curling into the soft cotton fabric of her yoga pants. Her lips parted slightly, as though she wanted to ask him something, he didn't give her the chance. He caught her mouth in a kiss, his tongue slipping pass her lips. Slowly her arms inched up around his neck, her body pressing into his much the way it had the very first time he kissed her. Much like that long ago night as Joe's, he was hoping his kiss would tell her what he couldn't put into words: she was everything to him. The way her body pressed closer to his, the way her fingers curled into the soft fabric of his shirt, was his answer. When her right hand traveled south, the tips of her thumb and forefinger toying with the zipper of his jeans, he became certain. She understood and she felt the same. It was the only invitation he needed. His left hand slid down her slide, seeking the hem of her snug black tank top. He plucked at it with his fingers before slipping his hand beneath it. His right hand joined the left. Splaying his fingers across the small of her back, he applied just enough pressure to bring her upper body closer to his. He broke free from the kiss, moving his lips softly across her jaw. Her head tipped back as he made his way from her jaw to her throat, the ends of her hair tickling his forearm. A bemused chuckle formed in his throat as she struggled with his zipper. The chuckled died the moment she succeeded and fingers found his rock hard penis. He sucked in his breath as she dipped her hand into his boxers and wrapped her slender fingers around him.

"Iz," he groaned. Up. Down. Up. Down. The perfect rhythm. The perfect amount of pressure. This...this was one of the perks of making love to someone who knew you. They knew just how to get you off. She had to stop. If she didn't Alex was pretty sure he would blow a load and that would be that. "Iz, babe, you have to stop."

Izzie's lips tipped into a smirk as she pressed her mouth close to his ear. "Make me," she whispered. The gauntlet had been thrown. He could either accept the challenge or admit defeat and let her jack him off. He had no choice. Alex never admitted defeat. It was one of his shortcomings. Or, in this case, the path to victory.

Without thinking twice, Alex flipped his wife on to her back. The soft, sympathetic flame quickly burst into a fire that threatened to get out of control. Clothing flew, articles landing here and there across the living room. Later they would laugh about the bra dangling from the mantel and the boxers draped across the lamp. Right now...right now all Alex could focus on was spreading his wife's long, tanned legs. His fingers shook slightly as they slid up her outer things. Inside his chest he could feel his heart beating a wild rhythm. He felt like a virginal boy of fifteen, not an experienced man of thirty-five. Gulping in a mouthful of air he forced his gaze to lock with her's. Love shown in her dark eyes. Love and trust. Lowering his mouth to her's he closed his eyes. His lips met her lips just as he sunk his cock into her warm, welcoming folds. She let out a startled little gasp, her fingers digging into his shoulders.

Slow. He had to go slow. Her body was still healing from the birth of their son. Slow didn't seem to occur to her though. After the initial shock of his body joining her's she wrapped one leg around his waist, slid her hands to his buttocks and begged him to go faster. Faster. Harder. More. More. More. This was the greedy lover he remembered. The wild, passionate woman who couldn't get enough. Withdrawing slowly, he quickly thrust back in, the tip of his dick slamming into her tender cervix. The cry that escaped her lips was a cross between pleasure and pain. A second cry quickly followed the first as he repeated the motion. Over and over he thrust into her. Each thrust felt like home. He gathered her as close as their position would let him, buried his face in her neck and shuddered. Her other leg wrapped around him, locking him into place as he emptied himself in her womb.

"I love you," he mumbled, squeezing her tighter. She squeezed back and echoed his words. For the first time in a long time, Alex felt like the words were more than words. He felt...loved.


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: It doesn't feel like it has been almost a year since I last updated this story but that is exactly how long it has been. Life has a way of getting away from you when there is a lot going on. This chapter is a little choppy, a little out of character, and pretty much a transitional piece. This story has reached a point where it needs to start winding down. That is my goal. To start setting things up for the end. I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you to those of you who are still with me!

Chapter Twenty

"When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done."

Most of Mark's life had been spent on the outside looking in, never really having what people would call a full life. He couldn't blame it on a screwed up childhood. His parents were alright people and there had been the Shepherds influence as well. Nor could he blame it on having his heart trampled upon. Usually he ended relationships before they could ever reach that point. Get out before it was too late. That had been his motto. It started in sixth grade when he seen Derek's heart trampled on by Laurel Davenport. As far as elementary school romances went Derek and Laurel's was legendary. They were together six whole months before Laurel turned into a raging bitch that stuck her freckled nose in the air and told Derek she could no longer date him because his nose was to big, his hair was to puffy, and her father didn't think he was ever going to amount to anything. Derek had taken it hard. He moped the rest of the school year, shaved his head, and that summer between sixth and seventh grade he started the nose job fund by mowing lawns. Something in Mark had snapped when he watched his normally self-confident friend turn into a pile of unrecognizable mess, and that summer when Mark met Heather Pierson he took what he could get and then dumped her before she could dump him. Heather was followed by a hundred other girls who were followed by more women than Mark cared to remember.

The man he use to be was a stranger now, and the life he had led was but a distant memory. One he didn't care to examine. The past couldn't be changed. Sofia's death was a constant reminder of that. Better to focus on the future. To think about the life he was going to build with Lexie and Landry. The house he had purchased, the one he was standing in front of, was part of that life. A massive, three story Victorian mess that Lexie had fallen in love with. It had character, Mark would give it that. The selling point for him had been the backyard. An acre of massive trees, rose arbors, stone walk-ways, and a pool that had its own waterfall. There had also been a playground built to look a pirate ship. If he closed his eyes he could see himself chasing a little boy down the various paths to that playground. They would have fake sword fights and take turns walking the plank. He could also see himself coercing Lexie into midnight swims that led to making love under that waterfall.

"Mark." A sharp jab in his side from Lexie's elbow penetrated his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. She nodded towards the white van that had just pulled up, reminding him that they were meeting painters to get an estimate on what it would cost to paint the place inside and out. While the previous owners had fantastic landscaping taste their paint choices left much to be desired. The house was a dusty rose color with lavender, hunter green, and maroon accents. While Mark understood the tradition behind painting a Victorian home a complex color scheme couldn't live with the one the previous owners had chosen. He and Lexie had decided on something tamer. A soft butter yellow with white accents and a bright red door.

Two weeks and six thousand dollars later the house looked exactly the way Mark had envisioned it. Well, the way Lexie envisioned it, he admitted silently as he stood back and watched the movers carrying in the furniture he and Lexie had purchased while the painting was taking place. Everything had been selected together, chosen because it represented both their tastes. The nursery had been the only room they had disagreed on. Lexie had wanted to do some cutesy baby zoo animal thing while Mark had wanted to pay tribute to his favorite baseball team: the New York Yankees. In the end they compromised. Mark could have his Yankees theme if Lexie could pick out the furniture. He had to admit the white Mission style crib, dresser, and changing table did look good with the trademark navy blue and white Yankees color scheme.

"I can't believe we did it," Lexie laughed as she dropped onto the chocolate brown leather sofa as soon as the movers set it down She grinned up at him, the palms of her hands resting on the swell of her belly. He quirked up a brow and asked her what, exactly, had they done. "This," she gestured around the room.

He could have asked her to elaborate but didn't. He knew exactly what she meant. They had found a house, bought it, furnished it, and were going to be making it their home. Together. A year ago he wouldn't have thought it possible. They had come so far. It was rather sad it had taken death to draw them back together. If they had gotten their act together sooner they would have…Mark shook his head. There was no point in dwelling on what could have been or what might have been. There was no way to change the past. Going through all the things that may have been would only serve to remind him of what he had lost. Who he had lost. He would never forget Sofia. He couldn't. She was to much a part of him. He was finding that he could go on living though. He could think about her without it feeling like a knife to the gut. He could smile when thinking about her instead of fighting back tears. There were still moments when he wanted to break down. Mostly when he thought about holidays, birthdays, and Landry never knowing his older sister. They would tell him about her, but it wouldn't be the same.

"Meredith text me earlier," Lexie continued. "She wanted to know if we wanted to host Thanksgiving here." Wrinkling his brow Mark shot Lexie a questioning look. The last time any of them talked about Thanksgiving they had all agreed to skip it. To treat it as though it were any other day. Maybe then the absence of Molly, Brian, and Sofia wouldn't be so noticeable. "Laura asked where we were going to have it," she said softly, as though she knew where his thoughts had been. "She's excited about her first Thanksgiving with her new sister."

A lump formed in Mark's throat. He was doing better. He was. Was he better enough to handle Thanksgiving without Sofia? He didn't have the answer. Part of him wanted to be selfish and say Meredith and Derek could have their own Thanksgiving, to leave his family out of it. Except…his family was their family to. "What do you want to do?" There. He would leave the ball in Lexie's court. Whatever she decided he would stand with her.

"I want to have Thanksgiving," Lexie whispered. "I want to invite everyone to our new house and I want us to all remember all the things we are thankful for. I think that's what Molly, Brian and…and…and Sofia would want."

Nodding his head Mark sunk down next to her. Instantly she reached for his hand, her fingers tangling with his. "I want to invite Callie and Arizona," she choked.

"Do you think that is wise," he asked slowly.

"I've thought about it. A lot. If Sofia was alive we wouldn't even be questioning whether to invite them or not. We would just do it. So, I think we should invite them." Her fingers tightened. He squeezed back. He would do it. He would invite Callie and Arizona to Thanksgiving. Not for his sake. Not even because Lexie had asked, but because Lexie was right: it was what Sofia would have wanted.


	21. Chapter 21

_Note: When I decided to finish this story I did so knowing there was a chance people had forgotten about it. I was prepared for there to be no reviews, but wanted to finish the story for myself. I cannot tell you how much it means that some of you have not given up on me or this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it is a course changer for one couple. Like the last it is slightly OOC but I am getting back into the groove of things and hope to rectify that in future chapters._

Chapter Twenty One

_"Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed." _

Arizona stared at the dull, white ceiling above her bed. Three more hours and they would let her go home. Home. She bit back a bitter laugh. The apartment where she, Callie, and Sofia had lived no longer felt like home. It felt like a prison. A prison of memories. Everywhere she turned there a reminder of what she lost. Mark had the right of it, she thought, curling on her side. She wished she had it in her to sell the apartment and everything in it, to find a haven where she could pick up the pieces. Of course Mark had Lexie to ease the pain. Lexie and their baby. He had a future to look forward to. What did Arizona have? An attempted suicide. Another burst of bitter laughter swelled inside her. She hadn't meant to kill herself. Or to even try to kill herself. All she had wanted was a little sleep. Admittedly, mixing anti-depressants and alcohol hadn't been a wise decision. She had known it at the time but the need to sleep without dreams of dead babies had been stronger than logic.

"Arizona."

She ignored Callie's soft plea. She couldn't handle Callie and the baggage that came with her. There was just to much damage. Whenever a friend had said that in the past she had argued that there was never to much damage, not if the people really loved each other. She was wrong. Eventually there was just to much damage. That was where she was with her relationship with Callie. To much damage.

"Arizona!"

Clenching her jaw, she tried to ignore the desperation in Callie's voice. If she acknowledged her wife's presence all they would do was argue. Callie would try to shoulder all the blame. Arizona would try to explain it had been an accident. Neither of them wanted to hear what the other had to say. It was a vicicious cycle that Arizona no longer wanted to be a part of. She didn't have the energy or the mental-stability, to handle it. Not anymore.

"Fine! Don't look at me. Just...listen!" Arizona felt the bed shift slightly as Callie sat on the end. "I told you Mark called me last week, didn't I?" Yes, Callie had told her. Her wife had been so excited about that call. A part of Arizona had wanted to be excited to. The other part felt like Mark had betrayed her by forgiving Callie. "He invited us to Thanksgiving." Callie paused. Probably waiting for Arizona to give some sign that she was listening. Arizona wasn't going to oblige. Not this time. She just wanted to be left alone. At least for the next three hours. Then she would let her father check her out and pack her up. It was all arranged. She would recoup at her parents home in San Antonio. Maybe when she felt better she would return to Seattle. Maybe she wouldn't. "Today's Thanksgiving. I thought we could stop by." Callie could stop by. Arizona would be on a flight to Texas. "Arizona. Please. Can you just look at me?"

A tear trickled down Arizona's cheek as she shook her head no. She clutched the sheet to her chest, fighting to regain control. She wasn't going to give into the urge to cry. She wasn't going to let her emotions get the better of her. This time she would keep herself in check.

"Will you please just listen?" The bed shifted again as Callie stood. The soles of her shoes squeaked on the tile as she started to pace. "I've been going to therapy. Sometimes twice a day." Arizona already knew that. Sometimes she was forced to be a part of the sessions. Other times she was at her own session. "I should have been doing that from the very start but I can't. I wasn't ready to deal with everything. I am now though. I am ready and I am dealing. Which is why," she paused, inhaling deeply. "Which is why I called your father and told him you wouldn't be coming home until Christmas."

Anger shot through Arizona. She shoved the sheet aside and bolted upright in the bed. "You had no right!"

"Says who? I'm your wife! We're suppose to support one another. I'm not going to let you run away!"

"Oh, so you can do it, but I can't?" It was a low blow but Arizona was desperate. She was at the end of her rope. She couldn't take anymore. There wasn't enough energy to hold on to her sanity and sort through the damage that was her marriage.

"No. I shouldn't have run. I should have listened to you. And I should have stayed here and dealt with what was going on."

"But you didn't," Arizona pointed out. She slid her legs over the side of the bed, a small gasp pursing her lips as the tips of her toes connected with the cold tile of the floor. "You left. I get why you did it. I do. You had to get your head on straight and you couldn't do that here. Well, neither can I. I need to figure things out and I can't do that here."

Her body tensed as Callie laid a hand on her shoulder. "Okay," her wife whispered. "I'll see if I can book-"

Arizona shook off Callie's touch. "No." She shook her head, her messy blonde waves falling into her face. "Not us. Me." Once upon a time the hurt and confusion on Callie's face would have broken her resolve. Not this time. Not ever again. To much damage had been done. Turning her back, Arizona reached for the phone that sat on the stand next to her bed. She ignored Callie's pleas to talk as she dialed a number she knew by heart. "Come get me," she choked, curling her fingers into the hem of her hospital gown. Her shoulders sagged with relief as the voice on the other end assured her they would be there. He'll make it better, she thought as she hung up the phone.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: Once again I want to thank all of you for reading and reviewing. If you are a fellow writer you know how much it means to get those reviews. Speaking of fellow writers, I want to give a shout out to islandgirl33. If you have not read any of her stories I strongly recommend "Let Her Go." You will not be disappointed. P.S. I apologize for how icky the writing is in this chapter. Definitely not my usual standard. Please bear with me while I get my writing legs back.

Chapter Twenty Two

"Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memories. Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest."

Weird phone calls were a part of any holiday. Alex had accepted that his freshman year of college. His mother would call, high on whatever medication she was currently abusing, ranting about spending her holidays alone since he rand his father off. Sometimes he let her rant. Sometimes he hung up and ignored the million times she tried to call back. When she was old enough, his sister Amber would call to say Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday it was, and then go off on some tangent about how she was the only one taking care of their mother. Alex didn't bother reminding her that he was the one who paid their rent and utilities. He knew money was not what Amber was talking about. She was burned out from living there, from having to baby-sit the woman who was supposed to be guiding her through life. Every once in a while his brother Aaron would call. Mostly when he was trapped in a psych ward for not taking his medication properly. Those calls were always the worse. Aaron would sound normal at first, and then something in their conversation would trigger his anger over Alex forcing him to get help. Alex could have hung up on him the way he did their mother, or he could have remind him that it was his own fault. He didn't. Aaron couldn't help how he was. A childhood spent with a father who beat on anyone in his path and a mother who popped pills so she could live in some fantasy land where their father's punches were a sign of love shaped Aaron into the mess he was. It didn't make the phone calls easier but it made them bearable. There were normal calls to, from old friends who really did want to say Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas or whatever holiday it was, but mostly when his phone rang it was one of his dysfunctional family members. Except the last call. Arizona's call. The one where she begged him to come get her. Arizona never begged for anything. She was to strong for that. Not anymore, Alex thought sadly as he stepped off the elevator onto the eighth floor where they housed psych. In the past eight months he had watched his vibrant mentor wither into a dull shell. It killed him seeing her like that.

"So, you're the one she called," Callie greeted. She looked better than the last time Alex had seen her, but not as good as she use white sweater and black leggings she wore looked to big and her dark hair looked as though she had pulled it back without brushing it. Gone was the loud animated Callie he use to love joking with.

"Yeah," he answered wearily.

"You have to talk to her Alex. She's leaving. She's leaving me." Tears clung to Callie's thick lashes. She wrapped her arms around her middle and leaned forward, as though someone had sucker punched her. Alex knew that feeling. That gut wrenching pain of having someone he loved walk out on him. The situation was different though Arizona had told Callie to her face that she was leaving. It wasn't a decision she had made spur of the moment.

"I'll talk to her, but Callie, if she wants to leave.." Alex shrugged. If Arizona wanted to leave and she wanted Alex to drive her he would. Not because he agreed with what she was doing but because he needed to be sure she was going to be okay.

Callie nodded. "That's all I ask, that you talk to her. She'll listen to you."

Alex wasn't so sure. He had butted heads with Arizona more often than not. She was stubborn. It made her a great doctor but a difficult friend. It wasn't stubbornness that was prompting her to leave. It was pain. A deep, soul ripping pain that had carved a gaping hole in her heart. She wanted to fill the void. To make the pain go away. Seattle wasn't doing it. Alex wasn't sure leaving would help but what did he know? He had never faced the loss her, Callie, and Mark were dealing with. He never wanted to.

"Thank you," Arizona murmured as he entered the room. She had dressed for a quick get away in a maroon sweater, faded jeans, and Ugg boots, a duffle bag clutched in her hands. "I didn't know who else to call."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Alex had to ask. Not because he had promised Callie he would talk to Arizona but because, as a friend, he wanted whatever was best for her. Arizona shrugged, her sky blue eyes filling with tears. "I'll drive you wherever you want to go, just say the word, but I just want you to be sure this is what you want 'cause once you leave it won't be the same. Even if you come back. Even if you and Callie get through this. It won't be the same."

"I can't stay Alex." Anguish clung to every word. "Have you ever felt like there was just to much damage? Cause that's were I'm at. I feel like everywhere I look there is to much damage and I don't know how to fix it. I'm sure it can be fixed."

That was it, then. She was leaving. Nothing he said would keep her there. He opened his arms and let out a sigh as she walked into his embrace. The bag fell to the floor as he gathered her close. Her body shook with silent sobs. "I want you to promise me something," he whispered against her hair. "I want you to talk to someone. Wherever you end up, find someone to talk to." She nodded, stepping back. Using the heels of her palms she wiped at her tears.

"I planned on it." Bending at the waist, she retrieved her bag. Alex tried to take it but she shook her head. "I've got it. It really isn't all that heavy." Silently, they exited the room. Callie was still there, leaning against the wall opposite the door.

"So you're going." It was more of a statement than a question but Arizona still nodded. "Is this it? Are we..."

"I don't know," Arizona answered softly. "I wish I could tell you that we're going to be okay or that we're over but I can't. I just know that I need to be alone for a while. I need to fix myself and you need to fix yourself. Maybe once we've done that we can figure out where we are as a couple. Whether we can fix our marriage or if we should get a divorce." It was Callie who nodded this time. She moved forward, her trembling hands cupping Arizona's face as she pressed a quick kiss to her' wife's mouth.

"I love you," Callie whispered as she took a step back. Arizona nodded and repeated the words before shooting a glance toward Alex. Desperation filled her eyes. He mumbled some nonsense about traffic and airport security before wrestling the bag from Arizona's hand. "Promise you'll call and let me know you made it okay."

Arizona hesitated before nodding. "I'll let you know." She took a deep breath and turned toward Alex. "I'm ready."

"Do you need to..." he gestured toward the nurses station. She shook her head. The paperwork was done. A bitter taste filled Alex's mouth as he followed Arizona toward the elevators. He hated leaving Callie there. Broken. Crying. The only thing that stopped him from asking Arizona if she had a heart was the unshed tears glittering in her eyes. This was killing her. He shifted the bag to one hand and punched the down button. "It's going to be okay," he murmured.

"Maybe," Arizona mumbled. "Am I doing the right thing?"

Was she doing the right thing? Alex wanted to tell her no. He had been where Callie was. His wife had left him to deal with whatever demons she had needed to deal with. He had felt like his world was falling apart and he didn't know why. Callie wasn't him, though, and Arizona wasn't Izzie. Callie knew why Arizona was leaving, even if she didn't like it. Arizona had been honest, she had told Callie her reasons for leaving. Which meant...what? He still didn't know how to answer her question. "I don't know," he answered truthfully.

"Neither do I."


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: Normally I wouldn't say much about reviews other than "thank you." However, there was a huge influx of them recently and I am blown away! Saying "thank you" seems so small. Still...THANK YOU! About the last chapter, I am so relieved that I am not the only one who thinks it is possible for Arizona to turn to Alex for help! After Meredith, I think she is probably the best friend he has.

**Chapter Twenty Three**

_Forgetting all the hurt inside, you've learned to hide so well.._

The Twin Oaks Mobile Home Park was a thorn in Izzie's side. She had been six when they moved there. Fifth trailer on the right hand side of the third row. Number 305. It had been olive green with a set of rusted stairs leading up to a door that sagged on it's hinges. Located right next to the sagging heap was the dumpster. Her mother used to try and say it was great not having to carry the trash very far but in the middle of the summer, when the stench of rotten food and dirty diapers threatened to over whelm them, Robbie would admit that she would rather live on the first row where the trailers were newer and the smell wasn't as bad. Eventually Robbie got her wish. Came in the form of insurance money after her husband accidentally death while cleaning his gun. Izzie wasn't stupid. She knew her father hadn't accidentally shot himself in the head while cleaning his pistol. The insurance company had probably known that as well but for whatever reason decided to let Robbie have the ten thousand dollar policy. Robbie Stevens had never seen that much money, and would have gone through it except twelve year old Izzie made her buy one of the repossessed trailers on the first row. It had been a two bedroom, two bath single wide. The carpet had been a pretty dark green instead of blood stained orange shag. And, best of all, there had been no dumpster.

Her mother still lived there. Number 103. Light brown with a white wooden porch where Robbie kept five gallon buckets full of flowers. Izzie used to think her mother was crazy for staying but in a way she understood. It was just disheartening to know that her mother didn't want better. Robbie was content with what she had, even if what she had wasn't worth shit.

"Are you alright?"

Izzie nodded, not bothering to force a smile she knew Alex would see through. When he had received a frantic phone call from Arizona begging him to come get her, Izzie had let out a sigh of relief. If Alex was busy helping his boss they couldn't make the three hour drive to Chihalis. She'd mentally prepared what she would say to her mom; had even practiced to be sure she had the right amount of disappointment in her voice. It had all been for nothing. Alex had helped Arizona and made it home with time to spare. "I hate it here," she muttered.

"Then why did you tell your mom we would come?" The matter of fact way Alex asked it made it sound so simple. It wasn't. Dealing with her mother was almost like dealing with a thirteen year old kid. A thirteen year old bi-polar kid not on medicine. When Izzie had brought up Thanksgiving to her mother it had been with the intent of telling Robbie that they were going to join some friends, but Robbie had started crying about how lonely the holidays were and how she wished her car was in better shape so she could drive down for her grandson's first Thanksgiving. It hadn't been an act to make her feel bad. Robbie wasn't like Alex's mom. When she cried, she was really crying. When she said she wished she could do something, she really meant it. It wasn't a ploy to get money or to sucker anyone into coming to see her. And that was why Izzie had told her mom they would drive to Chihalis.

Taking a deep breath, Izzie opened her car door. Cold air hit her, making her wish she had thought to wear something warmer than the navy blue zippered Lucky hoodie she had thrown on over a plain white, fitted t-shirt. Her stomach clenched as she stared at the row of mobile homes that seemed to stretch for at least a half of a mile. "It's this place."

"Iz." She glanced over the roof of the car. "I get it. I know this is hard." He walked around the front of the car, his boots crunching on the gravel. She bit back a smile as he grabbed the front belt loops of her skinny jeans and pulled her body up flush against his. "I hate going back to Iowa. Always makes me feel like I'm still one of those white trash Karev kids To some people that's probably all I'll ever be. Screw them. Their opinion of me doesn't matter. I don't owe them a damn thing. Just like you don't owe anyone here a damn thing."

"It's not them," admitted Izzie. "It's me. I worked so hard to get out of here and whenever I come back, I don't know, I guess I look at them and wonder why they didn't want better. Why didn't they work just a little bit harder to get out of here." Shame colored her cheeks as she raised her arms and rested the palms of her hands on Alex's biceps. She was no better than the idiots in Iowa who still thought of Alex as white trash. When had she become such a snob? She knew how hard most of the people in the park worked. Some had two or three jobs. They were barely scraping by. Her mother was one of them. Unlike Alex's mom, her mother was to proud to accept any help. What Robbie had, she earned by waiting tables or scrubbing toilets in some rich woman's house. "The saddest part is I know them and I know how hard they all work and how if they were able to do better they would. I got lucky. Really lucky. I guess that's why I hate being here. Things could have gone so differently."

"But they didn't. They went the way they were supposed to go and dwelling on the past is just...it isn't good Iz. You have to let it go." He released his hold on her belt loops and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her nose in the color of his light blue Henley. "Iz?" She raised her head, her dark eyes meeting his lighter brown ones. "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah. You know me. I'm always okay." To prove her point she smiled. It was only half-hearted but it was genuine enough that some of the concern in Alex's eyes dimmed. Her husband smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before nudging her out of the way. She walked to the opposite side of the car and looked through the window. The smile curling her lips as she stared down at her son wasn't half-hearted. It was impossible to look at him and not have her heart swell with love. He was her reason to be Thankful. Him and Alex. Thoughts of how they had come to be reunited had her smile wavering. It had taken the death of three people for them to reach out and get passed all the drama and pain of the past. Thinking of how Meredith, Derek, Mark, Lexie, Callie, Arizona, and little Laura were probably feeling made her feel even pettier for looking down on her roots. Taking a deep breath, she silently promised herself that she was no longer going to hold on to the past. Life was to short for that. "Alex," she called. He turned, one eye brow raised. "I love you and I am so thankful we had a second chance."

A devilish grin spread across Alex's face. "So am I doll face."


	24. Chapter 24

_Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! The last chapter was a bit of a filler chapter. I wanted to have an Alex and Izzie moment before we stepped into the heaviness of Thanksgiving dinner at Mark and Lexie's. This chapter is the last. Yes, you read that correctly. This is the last chapter. I have an epilogue written that gives closure but the story has been told as much as I am able to tell it. I apologize if it seems abrupt to some. Hold off on letting me have it until after you have read the epilogue. I think you will find that I tie the story up nicely! _

Chapter Twenty-Four

_Pretending someone else could come and save me from myself. I can't be who you are..._

It was amazing how a person could go through the motions of life without really living. Wake up. Take a shower. Go to work. Come home. Eating was optional. Take another shower. Bed. The next day it started all over again. Maybe it was the mundane routine that made it possible. Whatever it was, Callie was determined that one day she wouldn't go through the motions. One day she would wake up and want to get ready for the day. One day she would walk through the doors of Seattle Grace and not feel like nobody wanted her there. One day, when she laid down for the night she wouldn't have nightmares. One day she wouldn't feel so lonely. If there was one thing she understood about Arizona leaving it was the need to fix herself. Coming back to Seattle had been a step in that direction. All the therapy sessions she'd attended lately were another. Letting Arizona leave was questionable. She didn't know if that was a step forward or if it was a step backward. It felt like a step toward healing. Thanksgiving dinner with people she had devastated would either push her forward or throw her back. She would get through it. She had to. If she could get through dinner with Mark, Lexie, Meredith, Derek, and the rest of their family, she could get through anything.

"You can do this," she whispered as she gripped the steering wheel of the new BMW her father had surprised her with. An early Christmas present he'd called it. She hadn't wanted another vehicle. Not yet. Public transportation had suited her fine and didn't make her feel as though she were on the verge of an anxiety attack. The fact that her father had pushed the issue and bough her a car, knowing how she felt, had sparked an outrage unlike anything she had ever felt. She'd accused him of trying to make things worse. When she ranted at her therapist, Dr. Wyatt surprised her by saying that getting behind the wheel of a car might help. The first time was the hardest. She had to force herself to start the car and drive around the block, crying the whole time. Eventually she ventured further, shaking off more and more of her fear each time. Maybe being around Meredith and Lexie Grey would be like that. Maybe each time would get easier."You can do this," Callie repeated, relaxing her grip. She forced herself to open the door and then climb out.

It was Meredith who answered the door after Callie rang the doorbell. Callie braced herself for the weariness she had seen in Meredith's eyes the last time they had spoken. It wasn't there. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "I didn't bring anything," she apologized as she fully stepped into the foyer.

"It's okay," Meredith said softly. "My mother in law is here and she's cooked enough food to feed an Army. Maybe even two armies. Which is good because I can't cook at all and the only thing Lexie can make is a grilled cheese." She turned to shut the front door before fully facing Callie. The smile on her face wobbled a little as she stood there, uncertainty similar to what Callie was feeling stamped across her face. "I'm sorry," she finally said. "For Sofia," she elaborated. "I don't think any of us ever told you how sorry we were...are...that she's gone."

A burning sensation wavered at the back of Callie's eyes as she let Meredith take both her hands. The smaller woman squeezed gently before releasing her hold. "I miss her so much," Callie choked out. Her little girl would have been two by now. Her hair would have been longer; maybe even long enough for the silly bows Arizona use to buy. Sofia would have been talking more. And she would have been excited about her new brother. She had loved babies. Real. Pretend. It didn't matter. Sofia just loved babies.

"I wish I knew what to say," admitted Meredith. "I'm never any good at knowing what to say"

"I don't think there is a right thing to say in situations like this." Callie chewed her lower lip, debating on whether or not she should ask if it was alright for her to be there. In the end, she had to ask. "Are you sure it's alright that I'm here?"

"If Sofia were still alive would you be asking that?"

"She isn't alive." It killed Callie to say the words. Yet it also felt like another step toward healing. Funny how those steps worked.

"No, she isn't," Meredith agreed. The smaller woman sank onto the bottom step of the staircase that wound it's way up to the second story. "Neither is Molly or Brian. We're alive though and the best way to remember them, as well as Sofia, is by living. And part of living is forgiving and moving forward."

"What if I don't want to live without her?" Without waiting for an invitation Callie sat next to Meredith. She twisted her fingers together on her lap and studied the ragged edges of her nails. If her mother could see the condition of her nails she would have a fit. Callie couldn't remember the last time she had gone in for a manicure. Sometime before Sofia's death. Maybe it was time. A pedicure to, even though nobody would be around to see or care if she had funky designs on her big toe.

"Callie, please tell me that you're not..."

Callie shook her head before Meredith could finish what she was about to say. "NO, I don't mean like that. I don't want to die. I just don't know if I want to live without her. I don't know how. And now that Arizona's gone I just...how am I suppose to live when the two people I love the most are gone?"

"Arizona's alive. She just needs time. You guys will get through this. I promise." Meredith reached over and laid one of her hands over both of Callie's. The gesture stilled the nervous twisting Callie hadn't realized she was still doing. "I know it isn't easy. You have to try though because giving up isn't an option."

"There are days I am tired of trying. I feel like that's all I do. I try and I try and I still fail."

Behind them the staircase creaked as someone started to walk down. Callie twisted around to find a familiar pair of Ugg boots. Her heart skidded to a halt as she looked up to find her wife standing there, an uncertain look on her face. "I couldn't leave," Arizona murmured, lowering herself onto the step above Callie. "I was going to but I couldn't. Alex wouldn't let me. Well...he would have...but not without telling me it was a mistake. He said if I left and we worked it out, when I came back it wouldn't be the same. There would always be this little bit of doubt and this fear that I would leave again. I don't want that. Not for us. So...I had him bring me here. I still don't know how to fix us but I want to try."

Callie stared up at her wife, a tidal wave of emotions threatening to consume her. "We'll get through this," she whispered. She felt a certainty she hadn't felt in a long time For the first time in a year she felt hope.

"I think so to," Arizona smiled weakly. She hesitated for a moment before leaning down and pulling Callie's upper body close. Callie closed her eyes as Arizona's arms wrapped around her. Everything was going to be alright. She knew that now. Life didn't feel quite so impossible. She was alive and she was going to live. It wouldn't be the same life she had last year but it would be a good life. One her daughter could be proud of.


	25. Chapter 25

_Author's Note: The hardest part of a story is the ending. This story is especially hard for me to end. I had to time it just right. The characters had to all be in a place where we knew they were healing. They're finally there. Some more than others. Which is why I wanted to write this epilogue. I wanted to give you a glimpse into the future. Enjoy! _

The scent of cinnamon, turkey, and pumpkin greeted Laura's nose as she stepped out of the cold and into the foyer of her Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark's home. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, savoring the comforting scents of her favorite holiday. There had been a time when she loved Christmas more than any other day of the year. That had been before the accident. Afterward, she'd decided it was better to focus on giving thanks for the many blessings in her life. Laura knew she had plenty to be thankful for. She'd survived an accident that had killed almost everyone involved. She'd been blesssed with a second set of parents after her first died in the crash. She had two sisters, a brother, and a ton of cousins who loved her as much as she loved them. And she had a husband who adored her. The babies growing under her heart topped everything else. Her sweet little girls who would join them shortly after the new year. Molly and Merry. Molly for the mother who'd given her life, and Merry for the one who had shaped her life. It had been her husband Will's idea. A way to honor her mothers, the way her parents had honored his mother when they named her brother Bailey.

Bailey had been a bit of a surprise. None of them had expected Meredith to ever get pregnant. Yet, shortly after the finaled Allie's adoption and started the process of adopting another little girl named Zola, that was what happened. The relief of her father's face when Bailey was born a boy still made Laura chuckle. Derek had grown up in a house full of women and had resigned himself to growing old in a house full of women. Bailey changed that. It was still hard to believe her little brother, the baby of the family, would be graduating high school in the spring. Even harder to believe was how much her sisters had grown up. She couldn't equate the beautiful women they had become with the sweet little girls she used to dress up and boss around. Zola had been accepted to Harvard. Harvard! It wasn't a surprise really. Zola had always been smarter than everyone else. Allie's decision to study nursing at the local community college hadn't been a surprise either. The real surprise had come last summer, when Allie had announced she was going to marry James Karev. Laura could still see the shocked faces of her parents and James' parents. NOne of them had even realized Allie and James were dating, let alone serious enough to get married. Their first assumption had been Allie was pregnant. They were wrong. She wasn't. There would be no children until James was through with college, and since he planned on being a lawyer it would be a while before they could expect any babies.

"You must have pregnancy brain," Allie quipped, startling Laura from her trip down memory lane. Looking at Allie was always a little bittersweet. With her long, wavy strawberry blonde hair and thick lashed blue eyes she resembled the mother Laura had lost. Meredith liked to say it was because Allie was meant to be a part of their family. THat always sparked Zola asking if she was meant to be a part of their family, since she didn't look like anyone. Meredith would cuddle Zola close and tell her of course, that was why she had her father's personality and her mother's brain.

"Probably," Laura hugged her sister as close as her large belly would allow. That was when she noticed the glow. The kind of glow that could only be from one thing. "Going to wait till James graduates college, huh?"

Allie's cheeks turned pink. She didn't bother asking how Laura had guessed. "Antibiotics and broken condoms don't mix," she mumbled, taking a step back. "Don't say anything just yet, okay? We want to wait and surprise everyone at Christmas."

"My lips are sealed. Where's everyone else, anyway?" Where was her husband? She'd sent Will ahead with the food so she could get ready without stressing about the pies being late.

"Duh. The guys are all watching football and Grandma's got the rest of us in the kitchen. She's still determined to teach mom how to cook." Hooking her arm through Laura's, Allie led them both toward the spacious kitchen in the back of the house. They both winced as they passed the family room where the men had gathered to watch football. There was their father and Uncle Mark doing some sort of weird victory dance after their team scored a touch down. There was her own husband, and Allie's, throwing popcorn at the television, while Allie's father in law yelled at Derek and Mark to sit down or lose a little weight because he couldn't see shit. The two young women giggled as they walked into the kitchen. Most of the women were seated on the bar stools that surrounded the large, marble topped island in the center of the kitchen, watching as Grandma Shepherd, James' Grandma Robbie, Izzie, and Callie cooked.

"Hey sweeties," Meredith greeted, pressing sloppy kisses to the cheeks of both her daughters. Her green eyes lowered to Laura's belly. "Are you sture you're going to make it until January?"

"That's what the doctors tell me," Laura laughed. Like Meredith she was rail thin, which made her belly look huge. With two babies vying for space she thought she looked beyond huge.

"I give you two more weeks tops." The observation came from her mother's best friend. Cristina hadn't been a part of their lives at first. Laura never understood why. Despite her resolve to not have children of her own, Cristina was a hell of a good aunt. She was the one who let them do the crazy things their parents wouldn't allow. Like taking Laura to get birth control when she and Will first started dating in high school. Laura was also pretty sure Cristina was the one who took Allie to get her first tattoo.

"She'll make it," her mother in law observed. "Those babies will be just like their father and come at the most inopportune time." It never ceased to amaze Laura that Miranda Bailey had given birth during a bomb threat. Her mother in law was one tough, but lovable, cookie.

"Maybe you'll have them on New Year's Eve." This suggestion came from Callie. There was a soft spot in Laura's heart for her Aunt Callie. Their lives were connected in a way most people didn't understand. Most people would have held a grudge. Laura didn't. She couldn't. Not when she knew the accident wasn't entirely Callie's fault. Thinking of that night still caused a little burning ache in her chest. She'd wanted to go out to eat at some pizza place where there were video games. Her father had told her no. She'd screamed, cried, and kicked the back of his seat. He'd twisted around to tell her to stop acting like a brat. Those were the last words he ever said to her. Stop acting like a brat. It would be years before she forgave herself. Before she forgave him and her mother for dying. Callie had tried numerous times to assume all the guilt but Laura refused to let her. They had long ago agreed to stop discussing who was at fault. The whole family had. No good ever came from it. It only stirred up old, painful memories. Laura would rather think about the good. She had precious few memories of Brian and Molly Thompson and the ones she did have were full of love. Those were what Laura clinged to. Just as she knew Callie clung to the sweet memories of the daughter she had lost that night. Sofia. Laura often wondered about Sofia. Would she had been as funny as her half-brother, Laura's own cousin, Landry? Laura liked to think so. Landry, as well as his younger sister Kambree, were both known for their silly antics. Aunt Lexie liked to claim it came from Uncle Mark's side, but Uncle Mark claimed it was all Aunt Lexie's fault. Callie's wife Arizona liked to say it was both their faults, and they should have known their kids would be outrageous since both of them could be outrageous. Either way, Laura loved her cousins and all the crazy things they did.

"You know, if you have one right before mid-night and the other right after they'll have two different birthdays," Izzie observed, glancing up from the cake she was frosting, a cheeky smile on her face. Laura stuck out her tongue. She hadn't liked Izzie at first. There had been a tension betwen the beautiful blonde and Aunt Lexie that Laura hadn't understood. Eventually the tension eased and she had come to adore her sister's mother in law. She adored the whole Karev family, really, and after the shock of Allie marrying James wofe off, she was glad her sister had married into a family so full of love. Someday she hoped Zola would meet someone as special as Will and James. Her younger sister deserved the same happiness.

"Could happen," Aunt Lexie agreed, swiping her finger through the chocolate frosting Izzie had so painsakingly spread across the top of the round, layered cake. Her reward was a glob of frosting on her nose. Laughing, Lexie pinched it off and, to Laura's horror, licked it from her fingers. "On don't you look at me like that, Laura Bailey! I remember when you use to eat your own boogers."

"I did not!"

Her objection was met with a recollection of the various times each woman in the room had to pull Laura's finger from her nose. The truly embarrassing parts came from Meredith. Her mother, her own mother, betrayed her by telling everyone, including Allie's sixteen year old sisters in law Elisa and Emma, that Laura use to try and pick her nose with her tongue. "If it hadn't been so disgusting I might have been impressed."

"Disgusting or not, I am impressed," Cristina chuckled before dowing the rest of her wine. She slid her goblet across the counter toward Kambree nad cleared her throat. Kambree raised one brow and stared at the woman from silvery blue eyes. "I need a refill."

"And?" The way Kambree drew the word out said it all. SHe would not be refilling the glass.

"You're closer to the bottle," Cristina replied.

Kambree turned around, snatched up the bottle of Mascato, and plunked it down right in front of Cristina. "Now you're closer. Besides, I'm only eighteen. I'm not supposed to be handling alcohol."

"I asked you to pour it, not drink it. I swear, you're being..."

Laura tuned out the rest of the little bitter fest they had come to expect between Cristina and Kambree. Even when Kambree had been little there had been something about Cristina that stirred her up. Lexie liked to tase that it was pay back for all the hell Cristina had put her through during her internship.

Hey you," Arizona said softly, nudging her gently with her elbow. Laura nudged back, smiling. She loved Arizona. It was impossible not to. She was one of the strongest women Laura knew. The first time Laura met Arizona had been on a Thanksgiving much like this one. It had been their first Thanksgiving after the accident. The pretty blonde had shown up a couple hours before dinner, dropped off by James' dad Alex. Lexie and Mark had gone outside with her. When they all came back in it was obvious they had all been crying. Once, when Laura was sixteen, she had asked her uncle about the conversation on the porch. Closure and healing was the only answer he gave. She didn't need to hear more. She understood.

"Hey yourself," Laura murmured back, fighting back a groan as she tried to to hoist herself onto one of the empty stools. She wiggled a little to get comfortable, then settled back and smiled. She loved THanksgiving. It was her favorite holiday. A time she got to spend with all the people she loved. People she was grateful to have in her life.


End file.
